


The Fix

by GreenFish



Category: Dancing with the Stars (US) RPF, Figure Skating RPF, Olympics RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, DWTS Season 18, F/M, Ice Dancing, Meryl & Charlie - Freeform, Repressed love, Stars on Ice
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-04-28
Updated: 2014-05-29
Packaged: 2018-01-21 02:14:47
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 44,673
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1533887
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GreenFish/pseuds/GreenFish
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The fix is in, and two life-long partners are set up as each other's top competition.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Set-Up

**Author's Note:**

> OK, my summary is garbage. Here's a little more information. This a story that takes place during DWTS but will likely go AU after the episode on 4/28/14. It is mostly complete, so I plan on posting a chapter a day, edits pending. Speaking of which, I could not have done this without the amazing help of [fandrastic.](http://archiveofourown.org/users/fandrastic/pseuds/fandrastic) If you are not reading her story, [heart it races](http://archiveofourown.org/works/1365265/chapters/2852548), you need to get on that STAT. She has been a huge help to me, not only with my writing, but supporting my love for all that is Meryl/Charlie. I am 100% on board with this ship and, damn it, I'm going down with it. 
> 
> That being said, I try to write my RPF the way I think it might actually happen in real life, so if it's not all hearts and roses in the beginning, I apologize. I DO believe in happy endings, though. Bear with me. And leave comments, even it it's just to grouse about our favorite pair, because I never get tired of talking about them.
> 
> If you want to follow me on tumblr, I am [potatoholic](http://potatoholic.tumblr.com/). Thanks for reading!

**Commonwealth Restaurant, Burbank, CA, Tuesday, 4-22-2014**

“I’m sure you’re wondering why I gathered you all here tonight,” Maksim declared, unable to hold back a grin as he leaned back in the booth against the wall, his hands behind his head.

“Nope,” Charlie said, pretending to look disinterested.  

Meryl just giggled as Maks slid his arm around her in the booth, and Sharna made a face.  

“So this isn’t a post-show celebratory dinner?” Meryl asked, playing into his segue. “Because I’m pretty sure this week was our first perfect score,” she said, her smile taking over her entire face.  

"Better than last week, at least," Maks sighed. 

“Oh _please_ ,” Sharna said, rolling her eyes, “You have nothing to worry about. I understand you have pretty much been at the top the entire time, despite the scoring from the judges last week, which was bullshit, and we all knew it. Anyway, your tango was flawless."

“Thanks,” Meryl said, beaming again.  

She was particularly proud of how they had done that week, because despite the way it had been edited in the package, Maks had only been initially upset based on the prior week’s scores, and he was (though they hadn’t included that part) mostly convinced they were underscored due to the music choice, and the fact that the producers wanted to keep the audience guessing about where they would be at. Technically speaking, their dance during Disney Week had been nearly flawless, so there was no reason they should have gotten all nines. Meryl didn’t want to say anything in front of Charlie and Sharna, though, since they’d been basically been subjected to the same treatment this week.

Working with their coach Marina over the years, they had gotten used to occasionally being stuck with music programs they weren’t that excited about, and Meryl knew that Sharna wasn’t happy about the music she and Charlie had gotten for Party Anthems week.  

“Seriously,” Charlie said, “you guys have nothing to worry about—you scored perfectly and your routine was flawless. Great music, too.” 

Sharna made a face. “Tell me about it. Ours was awful. It was almost impossible trying to choreograph a cha-cha to _Everybody Dance Now_. And even though they said it was a cha-cha, we still didn’t even manage a single ten. I’m so frustrated.”  

Sharna hadn’t admitted it on camera, but Charlie knew she was upset and they had deserved better. Maybe not a perfect score, but at least one ten would have been nice. 

“Well, I have to admit, I’m looking forward to a more demure outfit next week,” Meryl smirked, taking a sip from her wine glass in order to hide the blush that had snuck onto her cheeks.   

Meryl allowed herself one glass of wine once a week, after show day, when they were not traveling between LA and their current Stars on Ice tour city. They would be up at 6:30 a.m. tomorrow for training, though, so she had to be careful.   

“I didn’t mind. Much better than me going shirtless,” Maks grinned, leaning over to squeeze her side.  

Charlie stared at them oddly for a second before grabbing his napkin to stuff it in his lap. 

“Anyway,” Maks continued. “As I was saying… the fix is in, so we need to start planning. 

Meryl and Charlie exchanged looks, and then Meryl turned to Maks, her brow furrowed.  “Sorry?” she asked, at the same time Charlie said,“The fix?” 

Sharna sighed, and leaned into the middle of the table so she could lower her voice. “It’s commonly known among the professionals that the final four dancers aren’t actually chosen by popular vote, but by the producers.”

“Huh,” Charlie said.

“Well,” Maks said, “the producers take the popular vote into some consideration, but ultimately, they decide which couples are making for the best TV, and they make sure those couples never get eliminated, no matter what.”

“Seriously?” Meryl said.   

She knew well enough how reality television wasn’t exactly “real,” but given that this was mostly live television and not a fully edited show, she felt surprised. Though honestly, she wasn’t sure why.  Most media was about audience perception, not about reality. She knew that well enough from her experience as an ice dancer. You were selling a persona, and image was everything.  

Maks shrugged. “What did you expect, sweetheart? That’s what they call showbiz,” he grinned, squeezing her shoulder again.  

“So, what—what’s the fix, then?” Charlie asked, ready to get back to business.  The way things were going, if he left Meryl and Maks to their own devices, they’d practically be making out in the booth, and… _well_.  He frowned.

“You, Meryl, James, and Amy are set to make the final four, so—”

“Wait,” Meryl said, furrowing her eyebrows. “How do you know this?”

Maks smirked. “I’d like to say a little bird told me, but no.  I mean, I don’t know for sure, but I know it’s time where they figure out who they want to keep around, and it’s obvious to me that you four are—ability-wise, at least—at the top of the list.”

Sharna nodded, indicating that she agreed with Maks.

“What about Danica?” Meryl asked.  

She had actually become rather close with Danica McKellar since they’d started the competition. Danica was paired with Maks’ brother Val, and the four of them had actually gone out a few times outside of the studio and training. Maks and his brother were very close, so by extension, their partners were looped in as well. Danica was also extremely smart—so much so, that she made Meryl feel dumb, which didn’t happen often. It was nice to be able to have an intellectual conversation with someone.  

Not that Charlie wasn’t smart—It was just that his intelligence and interests varied greatly from hers. Where she wanted to talk about history and literature, he was more interested in current events and politics and sports statistics. Charlie also enjoyed a lot of what she considered lowbrow humor, which was fine for what it was, but honestly, it was nice to talk to someone who knew about things that she found interesting.

“She’s going to make it to the fifth spot, I think, before she gets ‘voted off,’” Maks said.

“You seem to have this down to a science,” Charlie said.

“This show’s been on a long time,” Maks explained. “It’s not hard to figure out the formula.”

Charlie raised his eyebrows at Maks. He wondered if he had underestimated the dancer. Sure, Maks was a great choreographer, and had an extremely commanding stage presence (especially around Meryl, it seemed), but he wondered if he’d written off Maks’ apparent intelligence and strategy.  

“So what then?” Meryl asked.   

A slow smile formed over Maks’ face. Meryl could tell he was enjoying the set-up.

“Well, it’s obvious that the real race is going to be between the two of you, I think,” Maks said.  

"Really?” Charlie asked, “I mean, between Danica, Amy and James, I’d say we have pretty stiff competition.” 

“Yes, but no one’s consistently been getting stronger scores and viewer votes than the two of you.” 

"Cody had a lot of fans, too, but that didn't save him," Charlie frowned.

He had actually been sad to see Cody Simpson get voted off. Surprisingly, they had become good friends on the set. Cody had turned out to be a really funny, cool guy. It was awful to see another person go every week. He had also gotten along well with Drew Carey, and now he was gone as well. 

"The producers love to throw some surprise eliminations in throughout the show. Everyone thought it was going to be Candace that week, so they knew eliminating Cody would cause a buzz on social media. All publicity is good publicity, right?" Maks said. 

Charlie stuck his tongue out. 

“Ugh,” he said, “I’m really starting to hate social media, from all the stupid sponsor tweets and instagrams we have to do, and then, all the people that just like to say mean things to us, I mean… I just want to quit it sometimes.  And I love the internet.  But being a ‘celebrity,’ or whatever, on the internet,” he did the quotation marks with his hands, “really kind of sucks.” 

“Seriously,” Meryl said, shooting a sympathetic look across the table at him, “people have said some of the worst things to us, I mean...” She stopped, feeling herself getting upset.

She couldn’t believe some of the mean comments 'fans' had left on Charlie’s Instagram when he had posted the picture of Tanith on Easter.  Sometimes people forgot that there were actually other people with real feelings they were responding to. Charlie hadn’t said anything about it, but the whole thing had made her want to give them both a hug.  It wasn’t right. 

“It’s OK,” Sharna said, reaching across to pat Meryl’s hand, “people use the anonymity of the internet to be rude. But you can’t take it seriously. You know who you are. They don’t.”

Meryl nodded, swallowing back the lump that had started to form in her throat. She took a quick sip of wine to cover the tears that had sprung to the corners of her eyes, hoping no one had noticed.  

Of course, Charlie had noticed.  

She felt him squeeze her knee under the table. It made her want to cry all over again. She wondered if she was going to survive this show, emotionally. She didn’t want to invite old demons back, the demons of self-doubt and self-loathing that had caused her so many problems in the past, particularly when they had entered the elite circuit and started getting more publicity. She had stopped looking at the comments section on her own Instagram and Twitter, unable to handle the negativity. 

She was _New Meryl_ , she had to remind herself. Olympic Gold medalist, the top team on _Dancing With the Stars,_ and all around consummate professional. She had nothing to complain about.

“Listen, Princess,” Maks said, leaning over to whisper in her ear, but still loud enough that they could all hear it, “I’m going to be here for you, throughout this whole thing, OK?  I just want you to know what’s coming in these next weeks, so you’re prepared for it.  But you know I’m always here for you,” and with that, he kissed her softly on the side of the temple.

Meryl turned to look at him tenderly, grateful they were paired together. He had turned out to be so much more than what she’d expected. She knew he’d be tough and would challenge her, and she heard he was flirty, but his sincerity and vulnerability surprised her. She assumed in the beginning that his affection and flirtatious nature was just part of his stage act, just like being in “love” was part of her and Charlie’s stage act, but in reality, he really did seem to like her. As more than a dance partner, even. It was becoming more and more apparent every week that something more might happen between them, but Meryl wondered when. She was curious if he was waiting for her to make the first move.

After all, while he’d been plenty touchy-feely with her, and was constantly murmuring compliments and affectations of love in her ear, he still hadn’t actually kissed her, not for real. And it wasn’t like she didn’t want it; he was definitely her “type,” but, well. Something kept her from making the first move. She glanced over at Charlie, who seemed very interested in buttering his bread at that point.  She noticed he tended to avoid looking at them whenever Maks became overly affectionate, and she wasn’t sure if it was because he felt impolite watching them, or if they actually made him uncomfortable. The latter thought made her stomach do a hop. She knew she wasn’t completely over Charlie. 

She probably never would be.

Meryl had honestly tried, since the Olympics had passed and Charlie was concentrating more on spending time with Tanith, to refocus her mind. It wasn’t about Meryl and Charlie anymore; they were moving onto a new chapter, whatever that was. They still hadn’t talked about their future, but whatever it was, Meryl was pretty sure it wouldn’t involve Meryl as the focus of Charlie’s life.  After all, that’s what Tanith was for; she was his girlfriend after all, and they’d been together almost five years now. Charlie had mentioned last week that they were going to be buying a house together. The next logical step was that Charlie would propose to her, and the thought of that steeled Meryl’s resolve to move on.  

Meryl would always love him, and she knew he loved her, at least on some level, but some things just weren’t meant to be. After all, if Charlie had really wanted to be with her, he could have taken the opportunity years ago, when they were both single. On the other hand, if they’d actually done that, who knew if they’d be where they were at now, career-wise? It was highly possible that his indifference to her, romantically, was what had propelled them to do so well professionally.  

“—when the focus will change,” Maks was saying, and Meryl realized she hadn’t been listening at all for the past couple minutes.   

She shook her head quickly, brushing Maks’ arm to get his attention.   

“Sorry, sweetie, can you repeat that?  I wasn’t paying attention.” 

 _Sweetie_? she mused to herself.  It sounded weird coming out of her mouth.

Out of the corner of her eye, Meryl saw Charlie’s brow furrow. She ignored it, taking another sip of her wine.  Maybe she’d have two glasses today, she thought, what the hell. 

“Well, darling,” he said, emphasizing the second word, “I was saying, that since it will be down to the two of you at the end, the focus is going to change, and the producers are going to approach you, probably sooner than later, about your attitude towards each other.”

“What attitude?” Charlie said, suddenly defensive.  He frowned at Maks.   

“My point,” Maks said, "is the fact that you _don’t_ have a attitude towards each other. That’s a problem.  It’s boring watching two people be fine with each other, especially when you’re competitors. By pinning you against each other in the finale, they will want to see the two partners face off for real. After all, it’s the whole reason they came up with the team dances. They didn’t make you competing captains for no reason,” Maks explained. 

“Good point,” Charlie said.

The team dance had already started to spur a sense of friendly competition among the dance teams, and Charlie assumed they would probably make the most of whatever footage they could get. Maks definitely knew more than he was letting on, Charlie thought.   

Maks continued, “The team dances are mostly for fun, and to establish you more as each others’ competitors.  After that is when it’s going to get more serious. Mark my words: the producers are going to try and set up some conflict between you two.” 

At this, Meryl snorted loudly. Maks stopped to look at her. 

“What’s so funny?” he asked. 

Charlie was chuckling at this point, too, knowing exactly what she was going to say.   

“Charlie and I never fight about stuff,” she said, “That’s ridiculous.”  

Maks gave her a skeptical look.   

“Well. I mean, we'll disagree about things every once in a while, but we’ve been together so long, we usually know what we need to do to compromise. And if we don’t, we talk about it until we figure out what will work. I’m not a drama queen, no matter _what_ Tessa Virtue’s fans say,” she added, causing Charlie to bark in laughter.

“Honestly,” he added, “I don’t even know the last time Meryl and I got in an real argument.” 

Meryl did, but she wasn’t going to say anything. To be fair, it was over eight months ago, and it happened when she first started seeing Fedor. She and Fedor were just casually seeing each other at the time, but Charlie had instantly picked up on it and confronted her. She had stormed out of the gym in tears. In the end, he admitted he was only upset because he didn’t want her to get hurt, but her angry reaction came down to the fact that Charlie did not run her life, and frankly, he had no right to tell her who she could and couldn’t sleep with. Not that he was necessarily trying to do that, but still.  

It sort of rankled her, thinking about it even now. Bringing that up would defeat the point of the conversation, though. Especially since it was in the past. 

 _Anyway_ , she thought, trying to create fake conflict was laughable. She had nothing to be angry with him about—not now, for sure—and, to top it off, Charlie was an _awful_ actor. Marina had forced them several years ago to take extra acting lessons, in order to help Charlie emote on the ice. Even then, he struggled with certain characters. Meryl couldn’t imagine what the producers could possibly come up with that would make it look like her and Charlie were upset at each other. She was professional and controlled, and Charlie was the actual human puppy dog. Drama bounced off him like a rubber ball. 

Maks turned to face Charlie head on.

“Listen,” Maks’ voice interrupted her inner musings, “I’m telling both of you,” he glanced over at Meryl as well, “regardless of what you think, they’re going to want to stir up drama between you. Look what they did to NeNe and Tony and their supposed ‘fight’ on Disney Week. She was overtired, she said something that was completely overblown, and because of that, she was crying during the live show, thinking Tony was actually mad at her because of the way they cut the package. We need to come up with our own idea before they do. Otherwise, you’ll get something like Meryl being jealous of your girlfriend, or vice versa… I mean, you’d be surprised what a jerk they can make you look like.”

Charlie’s face turned serious then.  He agreed, nodding rapidly.   

There was more than enough speculation on the internet and in the media about his relationship with Meryl. Charlie heard (and had seen first-hand, based on comments people wrote) that Tanith was thought to be a whiny, jealous, undeserving girlfriend. That couldn’t be any farther from the truth. Having been an ice dancer at the elite level, Tanith knew how people liked to speculate about partners and their relationships. For years, people assumed she was dating her ice dancing partner, Ben. Charlie supposed that experience in Tanith’s past was what kept her so levelheaded, even as Charlie and Meryl’s exposure increased. Regardless of how many times Charlie mentioned his girlfriend, people still asked about him and Meryl. 

Getting asked if he was dating Meryl all the time used to really annoy him in the past, because he was specifically told by their publicist _not_ to talk about real-life girlfriends in the media. It didn’t really matter what he said, Charlie had found out, because now that he could talk about Tanith, people still didn’t listen.   

Sure, Charlie and Meryl were close—they’d been partners for over seventeen years, for God’s sakes—but it didn’t mean that he was secretly making out with Meryl at any given opportunity.  According to his buddy, Evan, there were fans that even wrote explicit stories about him and Meryl.   

“Do yourself a favor, and don’t ever google yourself,” Evan had revealed, shaking his head, “ _trust me_ on that.”  

In any case, Charlie was pretty sure even if he did think about making out with Meryl, which, OK, yes, he _thought_ about it, but that was as far as it ever went, that Maks would kick his ass if Charlie ever tried something. Maks had made it very clear that he was staking claim on Meryl, and Charlie didn’t have any other choice than to let it happen. It lessened the pressure between him and Tanith, if people were rooting for Meryl to get together with Maks. Even if the guy was a little too touchy for Charlie’s sense of decency.   

Meryl wasn’t complaining, though, so Charlie didn’t feel like he had the right to say anything. He’d learned that lesson well enough in the past. He didn’t even dare ask Meryl what was actually going on between her and Maks. Charlie assumed they were probably hooking up at this point. He and Meryl just didn’t talk about that kind of thing anymore.

Besides, it wasn’t like it mattered now. He had Tanith, she now had Maks, and they didn’t need a fake storyline for television based on jealousy that was completely made up. They were all happy for each other. _Absolutely_. 

“I think the best route to take would be to emphasize your competitive natures,” Sharna put in, interrupting Charlie’s train of thought.  

“Hmm,” he said, turning to look at Sharna.

Charlie had allowed his mind to get away from him, and needed to refocus. 

“I know from working with you that you’re extremely competitive, Charlie, so maybe we can try and get them to do a little story on how many extra hours you’re putting in so you can pull ahead of Meryl. Depending on where we’re at with scores at the time, we could be in the lead again, so—”

“Yeah, right,” Maks put in.   

"We were two places ahead of you on last week’s scores," Sharna pointed out. 

"That's because I had to play a ten year old boy on Disney week, which was ridiculous," Maks said, rolling his eyes. 

"Actually, our routine that week was quite a bit more complicated, you know—" Sharna retracted, which made Maks laugh out loud.

"OK... If you think pretending to act like a ten year old is easy..." 

"You do it every day," Sharna joked, jabbing at his arm.

Meryl snorted, enjoying the spirited conversation between the two professionals. She knew how much Maks wanted that trophy, so in a way, it actually did motivate her to bring out her aggressive side. Plus, she was surprised how much she enjoyed working with someone who wasn’t Charlie. She wondered if she was holding residual resentment from their last argument, centering on the fact that, sometimes, Meryl felt like Charlie wanted to run her life, both professionally and personally. 

She had never told _him_ whom to date. Yet, she could still feel some foreign, unspoken tension between her and Charlie when Maks was around. She wondered if Charlie thought they were already seeing each other. Meryl had decided not to correct him otherwise. Best to leave him guessing, she thought. Maks didn’t tell her how to do anything, except dance, and she liked it that way.

And yes, maybe a small part of Meryl wanted Charlie to feel jealous of the attention she was getting. For years, Charlie had been the half of their partnership that received most of the good attention. After all, he was the more attractive of them; he was charming, personable, and always smiling. She was the reserved one, which people took to assume meant that she was stuck-up. That wasn’t the case at all. It was true she needed more solitude than Charlie did, and sometimes, she opted out of group activities because she didn’t want to be around other people. But it didn’t mean she disliked those people; just that she needed extra time to herself. It was hard to explain that sometimes, especially to a natural extrovert. 

Now, in what she liked to tell herself was the era of New Meryl, who was confident, bold, and attractive to extremely hot men, she felt like this plan could work. She could definitely play the competitive angle. 

“I’m in,” she said. 

“Listen,” Maks reminded, “the thing about it is, you’re going to have to look like there’s some tension between you, because you’re both working so hard at beating each other,”  He looked pointedly at Charlie, “and I think that’s going to be the hardest part for both of you,” he said, though Meryl knew he was mainly talking to Charlie. 

Charlie chuckled nervously. Meryl made a determined face, and leaned across the table towards Charlie. 

“We’ll do this method-style,” she said, leveling her gaze at him, “It will be tough, especially with the _Stars on Ice_ tour happening simultaneously, but ultimately we just have to compartmentalize.”   

Charlie shot her an impressed look. 

“So, compartmentalize,” Charlie repeated, “OK. You mean, when we’re at _Dancing_ , we need to act like we’re tough competitors, and at _Stars_ , we can go back to…” he made a gesture with his hands, “business as usual.”

“Exactly,” Meryl said, clapping her hands together, ignoring the look Maks gave Charlie after the last comment, “But by ‘method’ I mean that, at _Dancing_ training, we can’t be seen with each other if we can avoid it. I want to make it look like I don’t even want to talk to you, because I’m afraid of giving my secrets away.”

“OK. Wait,” Charlie interjected, “don’t you think this is going to make us look like jerks for when we’re on the _Stars on Ice_ tour? I mean, I don’t know if the promoters would be too happy with us looking like we’re not getting along on TV,” Charlie frowned and sighed, leaning back in the chair. Sharna patted his shoulder, “And anyway, I don’t know if I can even do that. I’d feel so bad about being mean to Meryl.”

Meryl saw Maks roll his eyes. He liked to make fun of how Meryl called her partner a puppy dog, saying that what she needed in her life was a man, not a dog. She couldn’t exactly argue with that, but refused to put down her partner, simply demurring to Maks that he and Charlie were different, but equally important to her. _Compartmentalize_. It was the word that defined her life, apparently.

“All right, all right… how about this,” Meryl said, getting excited again. She was kind of enjoying this strategy meeting. It was like when they got together to plan their ice dancing routines and they talked about the characters they were playing. Meryl always seemed to enjoy analyzing their characters the most. “We’ll make it out like a playful competition. No frowns, but lots of talk between us about how I’m going to beat the pants off of you, and vice versa. And when we’re in the skybox, we’ll sort of jab each other about our scores, whomever does better that week,” She glanced at Maks, “I know that’ll be easy for Maks. He _loves_ causing trouble.” 

“You better believe it,” Maks said.  

“And Sharna has no bones about saying what she thinks,” Charlie said with a grin, “so I could leave her to give some critical commentary about Meryl and you on the red carpet, right?”

“I like that,” Sharna grinned. “It’ll keep you in the good cop seat, and I can be bad cop, which is what we want to keep everyone happy. Plus everyone will know my critique is from a professional standpoint, nothing personal. Fights and drama will only bring negative publicity, but some back-and-forth between you two could be really fun, and I think if we get into it enough, we can make the producers happy. No more of this, ‘I really don’t care if I win.’ Right? You have to act like you’re really taking it seriously, now.”

“OK, OK,” Charlie said. He leveled his gaze at Meryl, putting on a serious face. “We can do this. Your ass is grass, Davis.” 

He immediately burst into laughter, unable to help himself.

“We’re doomed,” Maks groaned, putting his hand in his hands.

“Ha!” Meryl laughed, downing the rest of her wine, “You can’t even take this seriously, you nerd.” 

“Just wait, Davis. I am bringing my A-game next week.” He shot her a pleased smile. “We’re gonna knock you two out of your top spot.” 

“Oh, yeah?  If you score better than me next week, I will be very surprised, Charlie White.”

“I love it!” Sharna beamed, giggling, “That’s getting in the spirit.”

Maks smiled as well, looking equally pleased. He finished off his beer and signaled their server for another round. 

Charlie’s eyes went wide.  

“Dude, we have to be up at 6:30 tomorrow. I can’t drink that much.”

“That’s what the alarm clock is for,” Maks said, still grinning, “tonight is for celebrations and partnerships.” When the server returned with the drinks, he made them do a toast. “To old partnerships,” he said, glancing between Charlie and Meryl, “and new ones.”   

He leaned down and gave Meryl a long, slow kiss on the cheek. Instantly, she felt her cheeks get hot, and smiled shyly. She felt Maks pull her even closer, and she bit on her lip, feeling the heat travel down her neck all the way down to her low belly.    

When her eyes flicked over in Charlie’s direction, she caught him staring at her, but he quickly grabbed the drink card in the middle of the table and cleared his throat. 

“Huh, I can’t remember where this beer is from—it’s really good.” 

He made a face like he was concentrating on the card, but like the awful actor he was, she could tell he was trying not to frown. 

Sharna seemed oblivious, but Maks caught the exchange and squeezed her waist again in response, a small smile at the corner of his lips. Meryl had a feeling Maks actually liked watching Charlie’s jealousy surface, not just because he was competitive, but also because he figured it was helping their cause. The more jealous he could make Charlie, the better they would be at playing up their competitor roles on television.  

And suddenly it occurred to her that maybe that had been Maks’ plan all along.

Maybe he wasn’t really that into her (after all, his last girlfriend had been _Kate fucking Upton_ , the swimsuit model. Meryl wasn’t even in the same _universe_ as her). Maybe Maks was just playing the flirtatious partner as part of the act, knowing it would help their performance and the competition... Not to mention that the audience loved it. She couldn’t count how many tweets and messages she’d gotten encouraging Meryl to hook up with Maks, and how they were ‘meant for each other,’ and ‘screw Charlie,’ etc, etc.  But what if it was all just for show…?

The thought made her stomach feel sour, and she put down her wine glass. Of course it was, she thought to herself. She should have known someone like Maks would never actually be attracted to her that way. Meryl slowly let out the breath she had been holding. She didn’t want to make a scene, but she suddenly needed to get Maks’ hand off her waist.  Politely, she excused herself to go to the restroom.   

===

Meryl sat on the cold toilet seat for several minutes just to bring herself back. She was in control. It was all right if Maks didn’t really have feelings for her. Even if she had been attracted to him, you couldn’t control what another person felt about you. Charlie had taught her that lesson, after all. And yes, it was yet another blow to her ego, but it wasn’t the end of the world.  She was still an attractive person… she just wasn’t on Maks’ level. And like her therapist used to tell her: that was okay. Denying the truth only made moving on that much more difficult. It didn't mean she was less of a person.  

She sighed loudly, and it echoed throughout the tiny bathroom. It was a single person unit, so when she heard the knob on the outside jiggle several times, she knew she needed to move. She flushed, giving the illusion she had gone there for practical purposes, and quickly dabbed her eyes with a tissue, checking her make-up. Her lipstick had faded, but that was just as well; she had put on too much earlier—and had left a mark on Maks’ temple where she’d kissed him earlier. 

The thought made her cringe. She hated the idea that all his affection, the looks, the touches, the sweet words, were only for show.  

Meryl had actually found herself starting to fall for him, despite knowing the fact that she even if they did get together, it would only be temporary. His permanent home was in New Jersey, and she was in Michigan. Then again, if she and Charlie retired from ice dancing, who knew what would happen? 

“Ugh,” she said aloud to herself, quickly washing her hands and forcing herself to move out of her thoughts.   

This is why she didn’t get into relationships; she always thought too far ahead, and ruined the possibility and enjoyment of what was there… of course, assuming there actually _was_ something there. In Maks’ case, she sincerely doubted it now. And she felt stupid for even thinking it had been a possibility in the first place. Idiot. 

As she swung the door open, she practically collided with Sharna, who was standing outside of the door.

“Oh!  Sorry,” Meryl said, making a face. 

How embarrassing! She needed to pay better attention to what she was doing. 

Sharna stopped her by grabbing her arm, and studying her face. Meryl frowned, uncomfortable with the frank way Sharna was eyeing her.

“Are you all right?” Sharna asked, concerned. 

“Oh, yeah, of course,” Meryl answered, forcing a smile. 

“Because the boys were starting to get worried about you. You were gone for a few minutes. I told them to stop being so personal about your bathroom visits, but you know how they are.” 

“Yeah, no,” Meryl said, still holding onto her fake smile.  “I, um…” She pretended to look embarrassed.  “It’s that time of the month,” she lied, “so…” 

“Ah, right,” Sharna said, with a sympathetic nod. “Always comes at the worst times, right?”

Meryl chuckled and shrugged. “What can you do?”

“Right, OK.  I’m just going to pop in the loo, and I'll meet you back at the table. Sorry to pry.”

“No, no, it’s fine, I’m great,” Meryl said, forcing herself to smile more brightly.  

If she was going to convince the boys, she needed to focus. She tried to remember how she had felt earlier when they had first arrived at the restaurant. She was happy about their score from yesterday, happy with her partner, happy for Charlie and Sharna. The problem was, every time she thought about what it was that made her happy, it reminded her of how everything had changed.  Rolling her shoulders, she geared up to head back to the table. 

It was okay, she told herself. She would just find new reasons to be happy. Just because Maks was flirting with her for show didn’t mean she couldn’t enjoy him… and his smooth chest, which she noticed he liked to show off a lot. _Yes_ , she smiled. Two could play at this game.


	2. The show where everything's made up and the points don't matter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Charlie reacts to his scores this week and Meryl and Maks have an important meeting.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks again to [fandrastic](http://archiveofourown.org/users/fandrastic/pseuds/fandrastic), my queen saint, for editing this for me. I added a scene at the last minute after watching DWTS last night, so she worked on this late last night for me! I am in debt. I had to do it. Sorry, but NOT sorry. 
> 
> Comments and discussions are heartily welcome!
> 
> ===

**DWTS Studios – Los Angeles, CA – 4-29-14**

They had a few additional days before their next show, which was in Chicago, so Charlie was grateful for the break, especially after their numbers, and the scare of last night’s show.  Despite what Maks had said about understanding “how it all worked,” Charlie was really starting to get worried.  He and Sharna had worked _so_ hard to make their samba excel the week before, and _now_ , with the less-than-stellar reviews on their Paso Doble, he didn’t even _know_. 

He couldn’t help but feel like maybe they were purposefully getting stuck with bad music choices in order to bring them down a peg.  He didn’t understand why, though, since Meryl and Maks seemed to be getting great music and scores every week.  He had been working his ass off.  

Not to mention that they’d made him wax his chest and go shirtless on live television, with his _mom_ in the audience.  The residual embarrassment settled over him as he sat in the studio, alone, waiting for Sharna to arrive.  He’d gotten there early that morning, ready to get back to business. 

He sighed to himself, taking a chug out of his water bottle.  All the effort he put in from week to week, and it still felt like it wasn’t enough.  At least Meryl was doing well, he thought.   And they still had _Stars on Ice_ , so. 

“Hey.” 

Charlie looked up to see Meryl stepping into the practice studio.  She smiled brightly at him, and he tried to smile back, but he knew his was forced, and so did she.  Meryl sat down next to him, sliding her arm around his shoulder. 

“You OK?” she asked softly. 

“I guess,” Charlie said.  “It’s just – _man_ , Sharna and I worked ourselves to the bone last week, and I still feel like we can’t win, no matter what we do.  And yet, somehow, you and Maks seem to have it figured out.”  He shook his head. “I dunno.”

Meryl stared at him for a long moment.  He wondered what she was thinking.  Charlie didn’t really want her feeling sorry for him, but at the same time, he wouldn’t blame her.  He was feeling sorry for himself, and hated it.

It just seemed like no matter _what_ , the judges (or producers, more likely) didn’t want him and Sharna to do well. Charlie didn’t know what else he could do – and was starting to think Maks was right, but not in the way he’d suggested.  That being said, he couldn’t understand how _James_ could possibly be in jeopardy after he and Peta had scored all tens the week before, _either_.  

“I don’t know, Char,” Meryl sighed.  “I saw your performance and _I_ honestly didn’t get it, either.”  

She giggled suddenly, and he turned, making a face at her.  

“What?” he asked, the corner of his mouth turning up. 

She shook her head, still giggling. 

“I just … I still can’t believe they convinced you to go shirtless.  I _never_ thought I’d see the day that Charlie White would go shirtless for a show, let alone, on live television.” 

“Ughhhh,” Charlie moaned, covering his face.  “I don’t even want to talk about it.  If all the other guys weren’t doing it – _ugh_.  It’s so embarrassing.”  He frowned at her dramatically, and shook his head.  “I think that will rate in the top ten dumbest things I’ve ever done.” 

“Nah,” Meryl smiled, her lips pressed together.  She touched his chest over the fabric of his t-shirt.  “You looked good.”

He glanced over at her, raising his eyebrows and smiling crookedly. 

“Seriously?” he said. 

She leveled her eyes at him.  “Are you kidding me?  You work out _every day_ , Charlie.  You don’t even have an ounce of fat on you.” 

He scoffed **,** “Shit.  I’m no Maksim Chmerkovskiy, either.” 

Meryl’s jaw dropped, her face opening into a large grin. 

“Wow, Charlie … is _someone_ a little jealous?” 

Charlie shot her a withering look.  “Please.  No.  It’s just that, I dunno.  I feel like I really pushed myself to the limit this week, and I _still_ couldn’t get it.”  

“You got a ‘10’ from Ricky,” Meryl pointed out. 

“It was a mercy point,” Charlie frowned **,** “I mean, Len, Carrie, even _Bruno_ – I’m just… I wanted so much _more_ for us, and I feel like I’m letting Sharna down.  She works so hard putting our routines together every week, especially now that we’re doing two a week, and I feel like…“ He sighed.“Sorry, I should be congratulating you, not complaining about my dumb mistakes.” 

“Charlie,” she said, taking his hand into hers. 

He was reminded of the package clip from the week before where Meryl did the same thing to Maks.  He couldn’t help but feel a surge of jealousy, but tried to repress it.  This wasn’t about Maks; this was _his_ problem.  He needed to get over himself.  Meryl was his skating partner, not his girlfriend.  He had no right to be envious. 

“I know you’ll do a great job this week, OK?” she said, squeezing his hand. 

He nodded, pressing his lips together.  He and Sharna had a quickstep for their non-freestyle dance, which was actually quite a complicated dance, but he felt confident he could do it.

Then again, he had felt confident he had done everything with that Paso Doble yesterday. But then his knee had given out, and, well.  He frowned.   The last thing he needed was to psyche himself out.  If Maks was right, and it was all a fix, then maybe their scores were just a way to keep everyone guessing.  He wasn't really sure, to be honest.

“C’mere,” Meryl said, standing up and pulling him into a tight hug. “No matter what, we’re in this together, OK?  It’s what we’ve always said, and we need to stick by it.” 

“Yeah,” Charlie admitted, leaning his head against her shoulder. 

It was just what he needed in that moment, and he allowed himself to close his eyes for a half-second, before the door burst open.  Charlie pulled back suddenly, startled.  

“What’re doing with my girl?” Maks grinned as he burst in the room.   

Charlie laughed automatically, making a face.  He shook his head, but Meryl answered for both of them.   

“He’s just – confused about yesterday,” she said carefully. 

She didn’t want to tell Maks he was upset.  Charlie wasn’t weak, but he had worked _really_ hard, and deserved better, she thought. 

“Listen,” Maks said, sitting down on the step next to them.  Charlie and Meryl sat down as well.

“They’re just giving you a hard time, just like they did with Meryl and I during Disney week.  It’s all part of the show.  Just like James and Peta, being in jeopardy – _please_ ,” he said, rolling his eyes.  “Everyone knew that Candice and NeNe and Danica would have been at the bottom, but they had to keep everyone guessing.” 

“Are you saying that viewer votes don’t matter?” Charlie asked, furrowing his brow.

The more they discussed it, the worse it made him feel about the show, and the nature of reality television.  He wondered what he was working so hard for.  He was literally getting less than five hours of sleep a night, working his ass off, losing his sense of dignity – for what? 

“No, they mean _something_ ,” Maks said, backpedaling. “You have to understand, they use elements of the show to manipulate the way people vote.  People last week voted for Candice and kept her higher in the ranks because they felt bad for her. It’s part of the reason they did the whole thing with her and the sports psychologist this week.  They’re trying to sell a reason to keep her on, and keep people guessing.  I’m _telling_ you what’s going to happen, though.   You’re _not_ going to get voted off, and either is James, or Meryl, or Amy.  As much as I’d like to see Danica make it to the finals, she definitely won’t now.” 

“I don’t get it,” Charlie said, shaking his head. 

 _Was it all a set up or just viewer manipulation?_  

'The end game has always been you and Meryl,” Maks pressed, leveling his gaze, “but, you know, don’t take my word for it **,”** Maks raised his eyebrows at Charlie.

“So what am I losing all this sleep over if we’re just going to end up in the finals, anyway?” Charlie frowned.  “I mean, if it really doesn’t matter--?” 

“I never said it _doesn’t matter_.  You could always hurt yourself and end up changing the results.  After all, look at what happened to both Danica and Amy.  It’s completely possible Amy might not recover, but, you know, I doubt it.  Danica, on the other hand, her performance has been permanently affected.  The only thing that will keep her on a week longer than Candice, in my opinion, is the audience’s sympathy for her,” Maks explained, and then paused, to let it set in, “but they have to let one of them go.  The fact that both your team and my team have been obviously underscored _more than once_ goes to show that they’re trying to create a question where there isn’t one ** _._** _Everyone_ knows at this point that the three strongest teams are yours, mine, and James, but they still have to create a question in the viewers’ minds, because, otherwise, no one would want to watch.  It would be boring.”

“OK, but besides Disney week, it hasn’t seemed to make a difference for you two,” Charlie protested. “You guys still manage to kill it every week.”

Maks shrugged, grinning. 

“Well, I _do_ have the world’s best partner,” Maks smirked, squeezing Meryl’s side and pressing a kiss to her temple. 

Charlie tried not to make a face.   He knew it was true, he just hated hearing Maks refer to Meryl as _his_ partner.  He had never considered himself a possessive person until they started doing this show.   It wasn’t surprising, Charlie supposed, after spending seventeen years working with someone you cared about so much… it was hard to share.

That being said, Charlie was so grateful for the opportunity to do _Stars on Ice_ with Meryl every week.  If it wasn’t for that, he wasn’t sure _what_ he would do.  He needed that time with her, and the few minutes he’d been able to spend with her this morning had really helped as well.  Glancing over at her, Charlie caught her studying him.  He smiled, biting his lip. 

“Charlie!” Sharna called out, her voice echoing through the studio, “I have been looking everywhere for you!  We were supposed to get started twenty minutes ago!”

Maks pushed Charlie off the steps with a grin. 

“Duty calls, Charlie.” 

“Well.  I guess I’d _better_ get going if I have any chance in hell of beating you and Queen Meryl here.”

“Ho, _ho_ ,” Meryl said, sticking her tongue out at him, “keep it up, buddy.  Just remember who’s on _top_.” 

Charlie glanced to the side, noticing the cameramen had been filming them for the past couple minutes.  _Of course_ , he groaned inwardly. 

“Whatever you say, Mer,” he shot back, hooking arms with Sharna as he headed out of the room.  And so it went, he thought. 

 

 **DWTS Studios - Hollywood, CA - 5-2-14**  

It wasn’t even a week later before Meryl was approached by a production assistant and asked to come into a meeting with Conrad Green, one of the show’s executive producers.  Meryl instantly felt her nerves taking hold, and she glanced over at Maks, who had been working on stretches when they were interrupted.  He immediately glided over to Meryl’s side. 

“Right now?” he asked the PA.

“Yes -- he asked to speak to Meryl alone,” the girl said. 

Meryl looked up at Maks, and was about to nod when Maks shook his head.  

“I don’t think so.  We’re a team, and if he needs to speak to her, he’ll speak to both of us.”  He nodded at Meryl, wrapping his arm around her waist tightly.  “OK, sweetheart?”

“Yeah, definitely,” Meryl said, forcing herself to speak.  

She was having trouble breathing all of a sudden.  There was something about the way that Maks always stood up for her; he had such a strong, comforting presence.  It was no wonder she had fallen for him.  She wondered when the day would come that she could finally stop playing at love and find a person who could return her feelings, wholly and completely.  She steeled herself.  It didn’t matter.  This was this, and pretending like they were really into each other was just part of the game.

Meryl wished she could keep her real feelings out of it.  

They followed the PA out of the training studio and jumped in a cart to head over to the producers’ office.  His office was large and spacious, with floor-to-ceiling windows that overlooked a manicured courtyard garden. Conrad had been a producer since the show’s inception, and obviously was quite well established, based on the size and decor of his office.  However, word had also gotten out that he was quitting the show after this season, so speculation was that he wanted to make sure the ratings kept up, despite the change in guard.  

Meryl assumed this was the dreaded meeting that Maks had alluded to at their dinner.  She took a deep breath to steel herself while they waited for Conrad to arrive. 

He was in in the editing room, they were told, but would be there shortly.

They both sat in the pair of Le Corbusier chairs angled in front of the desk.  Judging from the softness of the leather, Meryl assumed the chairs probably cost more than what she made in a month.  Maybe a year **—** who knew?  

To be honest, she was extremely intimidated being in the Executive Producer’s office.  She had heard some scary stories about Hollywood from those who had been there.  Johnny Weir in particular enjoyed dramatic flair, and loved telling crazy stories about the time he spent in L.A., hobnobbing with celebrities.  He especially loved to admit who was secretly gay, which, according to Johnny, was just about every other male celebrity.   

The Hollywood life was definitely not for her:  while Meryl enjoyed the fashion and nice weather, she hated the obsession with outward appearances, and the general fakeness that everyone seemed to display.  They were air-kissing you one minute, and talking behind your back the next.  

It was that type of two-faced attitude that had dimmed her friendship with Tessa Virtue, one half of their Canadian ice-dancing counterparts, and their biggest professional rivals.  At one point, Meryl and Tessa had been friends, but the pressure of always placing first and second in competition had made it difficult.  They both worked so hard, and it was difficult to lose to the other, let alone try to be friends.  The final straw was when Fodor told her how much Tessa complained about her, and how Tessa and Scott constantly criticized their style while Meryl and Charlie practiced.  That was before anyone knew Meryl and Fedor were together, so Meryl guessed Tessa wasn’t filtering herself at the time.  After news of their dating got out, Meryl heard very little from Tessa’s camp whatsoever, but her actions toward her said it all.  

Meryl tried to rise above it and ignore the attitude, but it honestly irritated her, and occasionally, she found herself grumbling to Charlie about them, or having a joke at their expense.  Meryl mostly tried to keep her feelings of discontent private.  They all still had to train at the same rink with the same coach.  The last thing she needed was more drama in her life… and that was the exact reason why she was dreading this meeting.

Maks reached over and grabbed her hand, which she took gratefully.  Being an ice dancer, she was used to having someoneto hold onto, and throughout the years, that touch had become a source of comfort for her.  She relied on her partner’s hand to guide her in the right direction.  Right now, Maks’ hand in hers helped her remember he was there for her, and was on her side.  She looked over and smiled at him, grateful to have him there.  Even if he wasn’t interested in a relationship, she would always consider him a friend.  And that meant a great deal. 

It was another five minutes before Conrad finally breezed through the door, shutting it behind himself.  He frowned when he saw Maks sitting in the chair next to Meryl.  

“I told Claire to only bring Meryl.”

Meryl assumed Claire must have been the production assistant that had escorted them there.

Maks sat up straight, glaring across at Conrad.  

“And _I_ told Claire that we’re a team, so whatever you have to say, you can say to both of us.”

Conrad glowered back at Maks, which made Meryl wonder if there had been confrontations between them in the past.  

“Considering that it partially concerns _you_ , well -- I’m just not sure you’ll want to hear what I have to say.  I know you don’t take _criticism_ well.”  

Maks snorted, and made a face.

“I am especially interested if you’re telling her something concerning me.  I’d like to know if it’s true.”

Conrad shrugged, sitting down, and opened up his desk drawer, which immediately blew a cloud of cold vapor up into the air.  Meryl frowned as she watched him pull out a bottle of juice, and close the drawer.  

“Pressed juice,” he explained.  “My nutritionist put me on a juice cleanse.  Said that it would cleanse the toxins and reset my system.” 

“It would take more than juice to cleanse _your_ toxins,” Maks muttered under his breath, which Meryl barely made out.  She had to cover her mouth and fake a cough so she wouldn’t laugh.

“Great for athletes,” Conrad nodded, taking a sip from the bottle, and then making a face.  “Ugh.  Tastes like shit, though **,” h** e sighed loudly. 

Meryl waited patiently for him to continue.  She didn’t understand what this had anything to do with why she was called in.   Maks sighed and sunk down into his seat, his fingers slipping out of Meryl’s hand.  She quickly folded her hands in her lap, and chewed on her lower lip nervously.  Crossing and re-crossing her legs, Meryl suddenly felt self-conscious about being in his office in only a leotard and tights.  

She stuttered **, “** I, uh -- sorry for my clothes, we were training, and, um, if I’d known there was a meeting...” 

Conrad shook his head, dismissing the statement with a wave of his hand.  

“I don’t give a fuck about that,” heshook his head.  His blunt response shocked her.

“Um, okay,” she said, not knowing how else to say.

Conrad continued **,** unfazed **, “** I brought you in here to discuss two things, both relating to the future of this season.”

Meryl nodded sincerely.  Maks sat and glared at Conrad, saying nothing.

“You’re doing very well on the show.  Historically, athletes have excelled on this show, but I think your ice dancing experience has lent itself particularly well to this --” 

“Actually, sir—” Meryl started, wanting to contradict him.  

It was a point that everyone always made, and it just wasn’t true.  She had to work just as hard as almost everyone else to learn the steps.  Ice dancing and ballroom dancing were two completely different disciplines.  Sure, they did some dancing off the ice, but it was always in the context of how it would translate to their skating program.  If anything offered her a leg up, it was the fact that she was used to training so relentlessly on a weekly basis, and that she didn’t have time to think otherwise. 

She noticed Maks shake his head at her to tell her to stop.  Apparently, her point was irrelevant?  She twisted her fingers in her lap tightly to distract herself from her own embarrassment.  This wasn’t her world, she had to remind herself.  That’s why Maks was here.  To help her.

“Listen,” Conrad said, annoyed by the interruption **, “** there’s two things here that you need to be concerned about, besides dancing well.”  Meryl nodded, afraid to say anything out loud.  “Your dance partner, Maksim.  I don’t know if you’re fucking him, I really don’t care if you are, but if you are and he pisses you off, do not _dare_ let it get the way of the chemistry have you on screen.”  He shot Maks a dirty look.  “Maks here has a habit of bedding his partners and dumping them.  Then they get voted off.  It’s part of the reason why Mr. Chmerkovskiy has yet to win a trophy on this show.”

Maks narrowed his eyes at Conrad, shaking his head slowly, looking like was ready to rip the producer apart.  Meryl carefully reached across and placed her hand atop his, which was gripping the chair arm tightly.  Maks loosened up slightly when Meryl’s hand touched his, and he allowed her to interlace their fingers.  The contact seemed to calm both of them down. 

“With all due respect, sir,” Meryl said, “I have no interest in Maks’ past dating life, and do not feel that the _friendship_ that Maks and I have will in any way affect our performance on the show.  I am a professional, and try to keep my personal life out of the public eye.” 

Conrad nodded, pleased.  

He took another slug from the juice container, wincing again.  He pulled out his cell phone and clicked on the button.  “Remind me to fire my nutritionist,” he said, after it beeped at him.  The phone repeated the reminder and he put it away.  Conrad cleared his throat.  

“Given that, I suppose you will not have any trouble completing against your ice partner if you two were to make it to the finals.”

“Are you saying that’s going to happen?” Meryl asked.  

She knew she was baiting him, but she couldn’t help herself.  She felt Maks squeeze her fingers tightly, in warning or amusement, she didn’t know.

Conrad chuckled loudly.  It was an artificial, dry laugh, and it worried her.  

“There’s no way of telling -- after all, it’s the _public’s_ decision who they like, but we can certainly influence that by the way that you perform and how likeable you are to the audience.  That’s why the chemistry between you and Maks is so important -- to keep you from being eliminated.  Your skill level is high, people like to watch you dance.  We want to keep you on the show.”

“Um, thank you…?” Meryl answered uneasily.

“So right now -- my _speculation_ , and of course, only time will tell, is that our viewing audience would _love_ to see you and Charlie competing against each other in the final.  But, well -- things tend to get pretty heated between the contestants near the end.  Winning the Mirror Ball trophy is an especially big deal among the professionals.  Right, Maksim?” 

Maks merely grunted.  Something about the way Conrad used his full name every time bothered her -- he was addressing Maks like he would a child.  She frowned.  

“So ... what?” she asked, not wanting to beat around the bush anymore.  “You just want to make sure that Charlie and I will make good competitors?  Is that what you’re saying?  Are you worried I would let him win?  Because trust me, that’s not an issue --”

“I’ve heard rumors from a number of people that you and Charlie are _together_ , which, I suppose if you can work with someone for seventeen years, there must be _something_ there, right?  Most Hollywood marriages last less than two years.  In any case, we’ve found that the competition near the end can be very --- _difficult_ on relationships.”

“We’re not together,” Meryl assured with a frown.  

She didn’t like the way he was talking about her and Charlie, as if it was quaint and simple.  What she had with Charlie wasn’t as clear-cut as being “together” or “not together,” but she couldn’t explain that to Conrad, certainly not in a way he’d understand.  Even their own parents, who had watched them grow up together, couldn’t completely comprehend the _bond_ she and Charlie shared and how deep it went between them.  That being said, they certainly weren’t “together” in the sense of what Conrad was saying.

“So if I tell you, starting this week, to stop publicly supporting your partner, you wouldn’t have a problem with that?  You need to show a desire to win.  People want to see finalists that are hungry to win.  And to watch two partners who’ve always worked so closely for so long have to face off -- I think it would make for a very ... _intriguing_ final.”

“Maks and I _definitely_ have a desire to win,” Meryl stated. “And already discussed what it meant if Charlie and I were together in the final, so."

“Oh?” Conrad said, glancing over at Maks with a hint of surprise.  

Maks was still hunched down in the chair, refusing to look at him.  Meryl assumed Maks was still pissed off about the exec’s earlier comment about his promiscuity.   

“We know how it works,” Maks muttered. “We want to make good TV just as much as you do.  My career gets boosted from a win, _right_?”  He finally looked up at Conrad, his eyes dark and angry.  “And ultimately, isn’t that what it’s all about?  Putting on a good show?” 

“Of course,” Conrad laughed. “So we’re all on the same page?  That Meryl and Charlie will need to give up the friendly act and start acting like _real_ competitors?”

“Honestly, sir, I feel like we can still be friends and competitors.  It happens all the time in the ice dancing --” 

“This isn’t ice dancing, Meryl,” Conrad cut in, leaning forward, and softening his voice as if he were speaking to a child, or the village idiot.“Millions of people tune into this show every week.  Hundreds of millions of advertising revenue are at stake.  If you claim that you and your partner aren’t actually _together_ , which, you’re not fucking, sure, whatever --” 

“ _Excuse_ me?” Meryl asked, ripping her hand out from Maks’ and leaning forward to press them against the desk.   

“I’m just saying --" Conrad lowered his tone again, glaring at her, "If you’re not _fucking_ each other, you shouldn’t have any problems acting like _competitors_.”  He pursed his lips.  “Although… it would make things a lot more interesting if we could work a jealous angle in there,” Conrad frowned, jotting something down on a paper in front of him. “That doesn’t really work if you’re not fucking him.” 

“Sorry, but I’m _not_ ,” Meryl insisted through clenched teeth. “Charlie has a girlfriend.  He dedicated a song to her.  They’ve been together almost _five years_.  There’s no romantic jealousy between us.”  

“Right, right,” he dismissed, “I’m sure we can come up with other ways to make it interesting if we need to.  Editing can do so much for a show.”  He leaned back in his chair, twisting around to look out the window.  “It’s true when they say the _editor_ is the true star of the reality show.”

Meryl frowned.  If _Tessa and Scott_ , the CBC reality show, had taught her anything, that was definitely true.  Editing could turn an innocent glance into a death stare, mirth into spite, and friendly competition into all-out blood sport.  It made her wonder, if they really _did_ make it into the finals, which appeared more likely than ever, how would they portray Meryl and Charlie?  

Meryl would have to make the most out of their moments on live television, she realized, because how they cut the package videos could make them look like they were mad at each other.

She loved her partner.  Charlie was her best friend, and she didn’t want the world to see him that way.  Meryl supposed that was what she got for agreeing to do this.  Once you put yourself out there, you couldn’t control how the public would perceive it, and so much of it was out of her control.  It was just a show.  She knew that.  It changed nothing about who both of them _really_ were, and she just needed to remember that.  

 _Era of New Meryl_ , she reminded herself.  New Meryl doesn’t worry about what other people think about her; _she does what she wants_.

She felt like they could make it all work, somehow.  They had to.

“I don’t think you’ll need to worry about anything, sir,” she declared, sitting back and up in the chair.  She forced herself to look him in the eyes, something she still struggled with.  “Charlie and I know how to put on a show.  We can be the competitors you want us to be.” 

Conrad nodded, and stood up, shaking her hand.  He shook Maks’ hand as well.  

“I think you got yourself a winner this year, Maskim.  You may finally have a trophy to display in your studio.”

“Trophy or not, Conrad, I’ve already won,” Maks countered with a half-smile.  

Meryl looked up at him in surprise, but Maks just pressed his lips together in response, and ushered her out the door, his warm hand pressing against the small of her back.  She felt her cheeks heat up as they headed down the hall, and he didn’t stop touching her until they were back in the training studio.

 


	3. It's time we sealed this deal

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Charlie and Meryl reconnect while Meryl makes an important decision.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks again to fandrastic for her beta on this chapter.

**Flight enroute to Chicago, IL - 5-3-14**

One of the perks about being shuttled back and forth between L.A. and the tour cities for _Stars on Ice_ was that they got to fly on a private plane. Based on the meeting Meryl and Maks had with Conrad Green, and the prior dinner conversation with him and Sharna, it sounded like they were stuck with this hectic schedule for another month.  Not that she minded - it was a crazy whirlwind, but she knew she would always look back on the experiences fondly.  It was so unique and so special - to not only get to skate with their American peers, but to compete on _Dancing with the Stars_ , which pretty much _everyone_ she met had heard of, whereas practically _no one_ outside the skating community had heard of ice dancing.  Even after the Olympics, people would refer to them as “pairs skaters” and she constantly had to correct them.  

It was a small price to pay for flying in the comfort and luxury of a private plane.  It must be nice to be super rich, she thought.  Her mother, Cheryl, had insisted on taking pictures of the entire plane the last time they flew together, proclaiming that she’d probably never have the experience again.  Cheryl constantly reminded her daughter to enjoy her “stardom” while it lasted, and Meryl was, no doubt.  They had ordered sushi and champagne and filet mignon from the insanely polite crew, and Tanith (when she had traveled with them last time) reveled in the reclining seats, noting how the armrests flipped up to make one, very large reclining seat.  

That, of course, had spurned Maks into making an inappropriate joke about makeshift “airline beds.”  Then Charlie had jokingly asked Tanith if they should “join the mile high club,” to which Jacqui, Charlie’s mother, had loudly proclaimed _she hadn’t heard that, Charles White Junior_.

So, yeah.  It was nice; like having a tour bus to yourself, except that they were in the air.  With leather seats.  And made-to-order sushi.   

This trip, it was just Charlie, Meryl, Maks, Sharna, and the two pros' assistants, who traveled with them everywhere.  The Moms had since headed back to Michigan for a bit, and Tanith had a meeting she had to stay and attend in L.A., as she was trying to build on her career as a sports correspondent.  Meryl couldn’t help but wonder if Tanith and Charlie would end up moving to L.A. at some point.  Would he leave Ann Arbor after he graduated?  He was buying a house in Michigan, she had thought.  Settling in for a life with Tanith.  So who really knew?  A lot of thoughts swirled around her mind as she sat in the seat next to the window, the recliner fully extended so she could relax.  She spread a blanket over her legs, and closed her eyes briefly.

It wasn’t even a minute before she heard a puff of air as the seat next to her became occupied.  “You still awake?” she heard Charlie whisper next to her.

She sighed dramatically and turned her head to look at him.  “Yes, no thanks to you.” 

“Sorry,” he said, apologizing.  “I just … didn’t get a chance to talk to you yesterday, you know, since we were at the studio, and all.  Ah.”  He made a face, contemplating how to continue.  “I met with the Executive Producer of the show yesterday … something - Green?” 

Charlie was horrible with names, something she relentlessly teased him about.  It took him two weeks before he remembered all the names of everyone competing on DWTS, and another week before he caught most of the crew peoples’ names.  Meryl had them all memorized by the end of the second day, but she couldn’t help herself.  Detail-orientated was an understatement when it came to her.

“Conrad,” Meryl said, as Charlie snapped his fingers in recognition.  “ _Yes_ ,” Meryl continued. “I had the pleasure of _also_ meeting with him yesterday.  What time did you talk to him?”

“Around eleven in the morning?” Charlie asked.  “He made me come in by myself.  Kind of an asshole, actually.”

"Yesss,” Meryl agreed eagerly.  “I went in before you.  Maks insisted on coming with me.  What did Conrad say to you?”

“Just that -- well, I guess, pretty much what Maks told us he would say.  Conrad said we needed to stop acting so friendly and start being real competitors, if we wanted to make it to the finals.  It was starting to make me think Maks knows more than he puts on.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Meryl asked. 

“I just mean that -- I dunno.  His understanding of the show’s politics, and how it was going to go down, well -- he was spot-on, really.  Sometimes he comes off, a little --” Charlie glanced backwards, where Maks and Sharna were lounged out on two couches, fast asleep.  Still, he lowered his voice.  “ _Rough around the edges._  Like, he’s super talented and an amazing dancer, but I kind of wrote him off as a lothario, I guess.”  Charlie shrugged sheepishly. 

“You mean like _Fedor_?” Meryl asked, wrinkling her forehead. 

“Fedor _is_ a lothario.  He left you and hooked up with two other ice skaters.  He’s probably on his next conquest as we speak.  I mean, he knows his skills, too, but it doesn’t mean I don’t question his personal values.” 

“Well, do you question Maksim’s?” Meryl asked, pushing her cheek further into the seat as she forced herself to look at Charlie.  It was a question she needed to ask, but hadn’t yet. 

“Maybe,” Charlie said.  “I don't know.  I’ve heard some stories from a couple of the pros.  Even Sharna, who seems to think he can do no wrong, told me a few things.”   

“Oh?” Meryl asked, cocking an eyebrow.  “Like what?”

“That he gets very close to _all_ his dancing partners.  He can at times be a little rough with people, and --” 

“Listen.  I’ve heard all of that, Charlie.  And honestly, that’s not the vibe I’ve gotten at all.  I feel like I know Maks pretty well at this point.  He’s extremely kind and patient, and, honestly, kind of like a big teddy bear, really.”

Charlie crinkled up his nose at her.  “Um.  Is that TMI?” 

“Stop,” Meryl said, fake-punching him on the arm.   

“I mean, because Carlyle --” 

“You mean _Conrad_?” Meryl interrupted, smiling. 

“Yeah, whatever, Davis,” he said, sticking his tongue out at her.  “He just -- God, the guy was _such_ an asshole.  He basically asked me right out if you and I were having sex.”  

“ _‘So,’_ ” Meryl said, doing her best imitation of a male voice, which to Charlie, was frankly hilarious.  He immediately started laughing.  She continued the awful imitation: “ _‘Are you two fucking, or what?’_ ” 

Something about hearing those words come out of Meryl’s mouth made Charlie’s jaw drop.  She didn’t typically use crude language, although an occasional curse would come out, especially when they were struggling in practice.  It was rare, though.  

“Meryl Elizabeth Davis, you kiss your mother with that mouth?” He grinned at her. 

“You’re not my mother, so no,” she said, grinning back at him.  

He made an odd face.

“You don’t... kiss _me_ , either.”

Meryl nearly asked him if he would _want_ her to.  She bit her lip quickly.  What was wrong with her?  One of these days, she was going to say the wrong thing at the wrong time, and he wouldn’t take it as a joke.   

“No, I mean -- ugh, that came out wrong," she said, making a face.

He snorted, shoving her on the thigh.  “You’re awful with comebacks.”  

Charlie sighed contentedly.  It had been a while since they’d hung out; just the two of them.  Even if they _were_ on a plane with four other people and a flight crew, it felt like, for a second, it was just the two of them, alone.  Even their _Stars on Ice_ practices forced them to share rink space, due to the limited time they had to prepare.  He hadn’t realized how much he missed hanging out with just Meryl.  Thinking about that brought his mind back to the topic on hand.  

“Oh, yeah -- so _Conrad_ said the time for being lovers was ‘over,’ and that there was nothing wrong with ‘a little conflict.’”  He made finger quotes. 

“No _way_ ,” Meryl marveled.  

 _Huh_ , she thought.  They were playing up the lover’s conflict angle with Charlie, too.  But why?  Conrad knew they weren’t dating.  Meryl had been very clear about that in their meeting. 

“That all happened _after_ I explained we weren’t - ah, _together_ , and that I had a long-time girlfriend.”

“Which is _exactly_ what I had hold him an hour earlier,” Meryl frowned.  “I don’t know why he’d say that to you after I told him we weren’t dating.”  Meryl rolled her eyes.  She didn’t want Charlie thinking she had given Conrad any other impression.   

“I guess he was checking our stories?” Charlie wondered aloud.  “I dunno.  He didn’t seem like he really even cared about it, just that he wanted to make sure that I treated you like a competitor on the show.” 

Meryl shook her head.  “Well.  I don’t care what he says.  You’ll _always_ be my friend -- no matter _how_ many points we beat you and Sharna by in the finals.” 

“Them’s fightin’ words, Davis,” Charlie said with a mischievous smile on his face.  He grabbed her ponytail, which was hanging off the side, and tugged on it.   

“Hey!” she protested, slapping his hand away.  “No need to resort to playground violence here.  If you like me, you can just indicate in the note I left for you, by marking off the checkbox, ‘Yes,’ or ‘No.’”

“I think it was lost in transit,” he said, licking his lips as he started to grin.  “But I had _another_ special delivery,” he carefully lifted up the armrest that separated their seats, “from the Tickle Express!”  He immediately went for her love handles, which _everyone_ knew were her most ticklish points.  Charlie loved to randomly attack her when she wasn’t paying attention, especially on the ice.

Once she started laughing, she couldn’t stop, which made Charlie start as well, and his laugh was loud and boisterous.  He was laughing for so long, he lost his breath and started wheezing.   Meryl looked over at him with concern, still recovering from laughter, her own chest heaving with heavy breaths.  He grinned at her, to let her know he was okay, and she grinned back, reveling in the mirth that danced in his eyes.   

In that moment, she felt like she had her old Charlie back again:  the Charlie that gave her everything in the world, the Charlie she was convinced, at one point, she’d end up marrying, because, honestly, who else was she going to end up with?

The spell was broken when a shadow crossed over them, and Maks leaned down from behind their seats, rubbing the top of both their heads.   

“Having fun, kids?” he asked with a smirk.   “You both were so loud, you woke us up.”   

Sharna peeked around the seat, patting Charlie on the arm.   

“Nice to see you both enjoying yourselves,” she smiled.  “I’ve never seen a pair of people that work harder than you two do.  You guys need a break every now and then.” 

“Yeah, I know,” Charlie said wistfully.   

Meryl knew he was probably missing his friends back at home.  As it was, she hadn’t talked to her friends in weeks, barely having time to arrange one meal a day with her mother, if that. 

“You guys aren’t, um, joining the _mile high club_ here, are you?” Maks asked, tapping at the armrest between the seats until it fell back down.   

Meryl’s started blushing as she realized her shirt had ridden up during their brief battle, and she pulled it down quickly, sitting up straight in her seat. 

“C’mon.  You _know_ she’s all yours,” Charlie said to him with a wink.  “That is, except for skating.  I’m afraid I can’t share that with you, man.”  

“OK, sure,” Maks conceded, eyeing Charlie.   

There was something in Maks’ expression Meryl hadn’t seen before.  Suspicion?  Up to this point, Maks hadn’t really given Charlie a second thought from what she could tell.  They were friendly together, but some of their interactions were slightly awkward, mainly because Maks spent his time strutting around Meryl like the king of the roost.  

She didn’t exactly know what to say when Maks broke out the alpha male persona around Charlie. 

Luckily, her ice partner tended to defer to Maks. It was probably for the best, because Meryl didn’t know what Maks would do if Charlie ever challenged him for real.  Not that she imagined he _would_ , because what reason would he have to do that?  If Maks wanted to stake his claim on her, there wasn’t anything Charlie could really say, since Meryl and Charlie weren’t actually dating.   

So why was Maks making such a big deal about them having fun? 

Sharna saved them from an even _more_ awkward moment by pulling on Charlie’s hand and telling him that she needed to go over some changes she’d made in the choreography since yesterday’s training.  He followed her to the back of the plane, where there was a makeshift conference table set up with all of Sharna’s notes.  

Meryl watched them go, and turned to look up at Maks, who was still hanging over the back of the seat, watching her.  

“Well,” she said.  “You just going to stand there?  Because you’re driving me nuts.”

“Everything about you drives me nuts, babe,” Maks grinned, settling in next to her.   

He made a point of laying his hand across hers on the armrest.   

“Sometimes I don’t know where I really stand with you,” he admitted, just barely loud enough for her to hear. 

“What do you want to know?” she murmured in response. 

He looked at her for a long moment, his brown eyes practically boring into hers.  But she couldn’t look away.  He had looked at her like this before, but not for so long.  She could feel it; something had shifted between them.  Whereas she was almost sure, even yesterday, this whole ‘thing’ with her was an act, she now felt that maybe it _was_ real.  

They weren’t filming them here, there was no media, no one else was watching them, yet he was staring at her like he wanted to eat her alive.  Her stomach lurched, and her breath felt shallow in her throat.

“I wanted you to be mine from the first day I met you.  And I know I told you that, and OK, I was mostly joking then, but a little part of me was serious.  You’re absolutely stunning, Meryl Davis.”

“Thank you,” Meryl breathed out, unable to make any more words come out.

“I just -- I don’t know how to read you.  I mean, I feel like you like me, but you don’t give up much.  Even when I push, it’s like --” He shook his head, taking her hand into both of his, gently rubbing her palm.  “I don’t know.  Are you just being coy?  Are you playing along with me?  Every time I really try to ask you, I feel like you’re playing with me.” 

“I feel like,” Meryl said, a shy smile coming across her face, “ _you’re_ playing with me.  You’re the one who keeps being super flirty every time the cameras are around.  It’s not that I think you don’t like me, but I question in what _way_ , I guess?”

“Meryl, here’s the truth.  I like you a lot.  And I know that sometimes the show persona can be confused with real life, but in this case, there is no distinction.  I just _like_ you and want to be around you.  Even outside of the show.” 

A large smile settled over Meryl’s face.  “Are you asking me to go steady?” 

“Yes, Miss Meryl,” Maks said, and reached for the necklace he had around his neck.  She recognized it - it was a piece from the jewelry line he had started up, and she was pretty sure it was expensive.  He held it out to her.  “Will you go out with me, Meryl Davis?” 

“I can’t _believe_ you just asked me that.”  Then her face turned up to look at him, and she smiled broadly.  “Yes, Maksim Chmerkovskiy, I will,” she said, and put the necklace around her neck.  She leaned forward to wrap her arms around his neck, and kissed him tenderly on the lips, before letting go so she could rest again.  She heard Maks sigh right as she drifted off into oblivion.

 

 **Stars on Ice - Allstate Arena, Rosemont, IL - 5-3-14**  

It was in a dressing room in the backstage of the arena that Maks pulled her aside and kissed her for real the first time, pressing her tiny frame up against the wall, his huge body practically engulfing hers.  His lips were softer than she expected, but they pressed forward with the strength and passion she had expected.  

He kissed her like he didn't want to let her go, his hips grinding against hers in a way that made her entire body hum.  She didn't want to let him go, either.  The sensation throughout her limbs and body was almost overwhelming; no man had ever come close to giving her the feeling she had now; it was indescribable and insatiable.   

After everything was done for the night, she went back to Maks' hotel room and didn't emerge until the next morning.


	4. Though this is all for you, don't want to hide the truth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> With Meryl's relationship now out in the open, more truths come to light.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wanted to get this out before the show starts tonight. I know it's all going to AU after that, and I didn't feel like changing things because DWTS sucks. Prayer circle for Charlie and Sharna tonight. Comments always appreciated. Do not kill me.

**DWTS Studios - Los Angeles, CA - 5-8-14**

Meryl felt like things were progressing pretty much as she hoped they would.  Things with Maks were -- great.  Almost surprisingly so.  They had a good simpatico both on the dance floor and off, so the transition from dance partner to boyfriend had been almost completely seamless.   

She couldn’t help but wonder if some of it had to do with what she liked to think of as the “early relationship honeymoon” where neither person could do no wrong, and you could spend the entire day in bed with your boyfriend and be perfectly happy.

It wasn’t long before news of their dating had spread throughout the cast and crew, and she was pleased to get nothing but encouragement from all the pros and contestants alike.  The pros who knew him said they had never seen him act the way he did around Meryl, and her being around was probably the _best_ thing that had happened to him in years.  It gave her a happy feeling inside.

In fact, the only odd reaction she’d gotten was from Charlie.  

=== 

Charlie had found out about them last Sunday, when they’d flown back late that night from Minnesota to L.A. for the Monday’s taping.  Maks had been unable to keep her hands and mouth off of her, to the point where she had to remind Maks that there were _other people_ on the plane.  Sharna joked to them about needing to “get a room.”

All throughout the flight, Charlie was strangely silent and absorbed in his iPad.  He left his headphones on the entire flight and refused to look in their direction. 

As they had deplaned and headed toward where the town car was meeting to bring them back to their hotel, she noticed Charlie was walking a few feet ahead of everyone else, so she caught up to him.   

“Something wrong?” she had asked him, even though she was pretty sure she knew the answer.   

He had shaken his head, claiming it was just exhaustion.

“You’re not upset about Maks and me, are you?  Because if you are, I want to know.” 

“No, no,” he had quickly replied.  He had smiled and put his arm around her to squeeze her shoulder, but she noticed the smile didn’t go all the way up to his eyes.  “I’m really happy you guys are together, Meryl.  Honestly.”  He had yawned then, letting go of her shoulder to cover his mouth.

She had nodded, and they walked to the car without another word.  In fact, neither of them had said anything to each other for the rest of the ride back.  

=== 

So now it was down to five contestants, everyone that Maks had predicted.  During the dress rehearsal that week, she couldn’t help but notice that Charlie had seemed particularly hyper, and he made sure whenever the cameras were around that he was joking about how he was _definitely_ going to overtake Meryl and Maks.  

He and Sharna managed to edge into second place, which gave him more determination than ever to get ahead.  Meryl had noticed he was staying at the studio way longer than she was the past couple days, but that could have been because she, herself, was eager to leave the studio as soon as she could, so she and Maks could have a little _free time_ by themselves. 

The tabloids had gotten word of her and Maks by then as well, so that every time she checked her Twitter feed, it was full of re-tweets, pictures, and tweets directed at her, asking questions about Maks, some innocent, some rude, some wildly inappropriate, and some just bizarre, like the woman who asked if Meryl and Maks would have her baby, for real, she said.  She wanted a surrogate and thought they were ‘perf.’   _What was wrong with people_ , Meryl wondered.   

It wasn’t long before she stopped checking Twitter and Instagram altogether, except to post publicity tweets and pictures.   She couldn’t avoid the paparazzi, though.  Outside the studio, they were relentless.  She was grateful that Maks for the most part, dealt with them and protected her when they got too close.  They started riding together to and from the studio so she didn’t have to deal with driving around them in the parking lot.

Meryl saw Danica at the craft services table, who thankfully, was still on the show.  Meryl couldn’t help but wonder if Danica’s injury had actually helped delay her elimination.  The sympathy vote seemed to go a long way, Meryl thought.  She was glad, because out of all the girls, she probably got along with Danica the best.  They had chosen Danica and Val for their pair dance that week, and they’d figured out a way to choreograph it so Danica could dance without jostling her ribs too much.  The pair scores could have been better, but her and Maks’ rumba that week made up for it.   

Abby Lee Miller had practically gushed over her, which apparently was a _big_ deal, since Abby hated everyone, according to the pros.  Tony and Derek in particular, had a long-standing grudge against her, and it reflected in the scores they got that week.  Meryl felt bad for them, but was glad it hadn’t affected Charlie’s dance with Candice. 

Meryl asked Danica if she was taking a morning break.  Meryl really needed one at that point.   

They were doing a jazz routine for the semi-finals next week, and she’d been pounding the floor all morning long.  At one point, a PA came over from the studio next door and told them they had to take a break, because they weren’t able to film with all the noise coming from their room. 

Danica nodded, and grabbed a soy chai latte for both of them before grabbing a seat off to the side.  There were a few crew members sitting around eating, but most of the cast and pros were elsewhere - training, she supposed.   

“Where’s Val?” she asked Danica, pulling open a banana to eat.  

“He went off with Maks to work on some strategy.  Val is pushing to get us in the finals, so they’re working on some changes to our routine.”

“Nice,” Meryl said, sipping her drink slowly.  Based on their overall scores, she wasn’t worried about her own chances.  At this point, she could also see that mirror ball trophy in their hands.    

“So,” Danica smirked.  “How’re things with _Maks_?”  She drew out the last word, sticking her tongue out at the end. 

“Oh, you know,” Meryl smiled, pretending to look casual.  “Awesome.”  She did a little dance in her seat then to demonstrate her good mood.  “He’s just… really sweet.”   

“Yeah, Val seems really happy you two got together.  It’s all he talks about, is how much his brother really needed someone like you, and how great you are.  You’d think you’re dating _both_ of them for as much as Val talks about you.”  Danica rolled her eyes. 

“I love Val for what he is, but Maks… yeah,” she sighed.  “He knows exactly how to treat a woman, what to say, what to do.”  She leaned across the table conspiratorially.  “It has been _so_ long since I’ve had that,” Meryl admitted. 

“Had sex?” 

Meryl smiled sheepishly.  “Um.  Not exactly.”  She made a face.  “I had -- what I would basically consider an extended hook-up that ended earlier this year.” 

“You mean that Fedor guy -- your coach’s son?” 

“Yeah ... did _Charlie_ tell you about him?” Meryl asked, surprised. She hadn’t remembered bringing up Fedor to Danica.  It wasn’t something she talked about, given how mortified she’d been when he had dumped her, especially after Charlie had all but warned her it would happen.

Now it was Danica’s turn to look sheepish, as if she’d said too much.  “Charlie… _may_ have mentioned him at one point, in not-so-nice terms.”  

Charlie was civil around Fedor, but they were certainly not friends, not at this point.  In fact, Meryl couldn’t help but notice that since Fedor had dumped Meryl, Charlie used any opportunity he could to pick at Fedor when he wasn’t around.  She wondered if that was his way of trying to protect her honor.   It was sweet, if not a little childish. 

“Well,” Meryl shrugged.  They aren’t exactly the best of friends.  I don’t talk to Fedor much since we ended our little -- _thing_ , whatever it was.  And before that, I hadn’t been in a serious relationship for years.  It’s so hard with our schedule to date other people.” 

“I can imagine, being Charlie's ice partner is kind of like being _together_ without actually dating, right?” Danica asked.  “How did Charlie meet his girlfriend?  They’ve been together a while?”

For the first time in a while, Meryl didn’t find herself internally flinching at the mention of Charlie’s girlfriend, or Meryl’s relationship with her ice dancing partner.   Maybe something about having her _own_ boyfriend didn’t make it hurt as much.   

“Tanith was a competitive ice dancer as well.  She and her partner Ben were the best pair in the U.S. at the time we made Seniors.  They won the silver in the 2006 Olympics.  They were our goal at that time; to surpass them.  Of course, in 2010, Charlie and Tanith spent some extra time hanging out when we were all at the Olympics, and I guess, fell for each other.  It was kind of weird at first, him dating our competitor, but Tanith and I were good friends, so, you know, I was happy for them."   

Meryl was glossing over most of the story.   

The pairing of Charlie and Tanith had actually caused quite a bit of tension between Meryl and Charlie at the time, though neither of them would acknowledge it initially.  The fact of the matter was that Tanith and Meryl _had_ been good friends, until she started dating Charlie, and then they weren’t.   

Meryl wanted to be okay with it, but there was something unsettled between the two girls that neither could explain, nor wanted to.     

It hurt, losing her friend.

Charlie, for his part, tried to act like nothing was wrong, but she noticed an awkwardness in the way he handled her on the ice that she hadn’t felt since they were kids.  Their coaches noticed as well, and Marina enrolled them in additional acting classes.  It annoyed Meryl, because _she_ wasn’t the one having trouble with their act.    

She didn’t know what Charlie’s problem was, frankly.  He had finally found someone who understood what it felt like to be an ice dancer and train on the schedule they did.  He had a girlfriend that couldn’t be jealous, because she’d _been_ there.  She _knew_ their skating routines were just an act.   

So why was Charlie struggling with it so much?   

Meryl’s resentment over Charlie’s inability to get into character grew and grew, until it finally came to a head in a massive argument, almost six months after Charlie and Tanith had started dating.   They agreed to make up with each other the following day, out of necessity, but something had shifted between them during that argument.  

She felt like she’d lost a piece of her partner.  He had a side to himself that he couldn’t share with her anymore, now that he had a _serious girlfriend._     

Meryl and Charlie never talked about that fight to anyone after it happened; not even to each other.  They both found the best way to work together was to just avoid topics that made them both uncomfortable.  When you had to spend ten-plus hours a day with someone, the last thing you needed was to be mad at them.  It was how they'd managed to remain partners so long.  Most people weren't that lucky, Meryl often reminded herself.   It still took her another six months, with the help of her therapist, that she allowed herself let go of the resentment, and resign to the fact that Tanith wasn’t going anywhere, and either was Charlie.   

“Wow,” Danica said, breaking Meryl out of her thoughts.  

Meryl nodded.  “Now, Tanith coaches part-time at our rink and is trying to start up a career doing sports correspondence.  She's been meeting up with some contacts here in L.A., hoping to get a long-term position.  So far she’s mostly been doing event commentary for the Ice Network, but that’s sporadic, especially as the skating season winds down.”  

Meryl had a way of describing Tanith that made it sound like they were still good friends.  She impressed even herself with her ability to mask her indifference.

“She’s very pretty,” Danica said wistfully.  “I saw her in the audience last week.”   

“Yeah, she tries to come out to all the shows since she’s staying in L.A. while Charlie’s doing the show.  It’s so great that she can do that.”   _Nice, Meryl_ , she thought to herself.   _So gracious._  

“It’s probably even nicer to have your boyfriend _in_ the show with you.”  

For a moment, Meryl’s mind flashed to Charlie, instinctively thinking of him as her partner first and foremost, but she immediately realized Danica meant _Maks, her actual boyfriend_.  Meryl’s cheeks burned with embarrassment, and she looked at her cup, pretending to be shy.   

“Yeah, it’s pretty great,” she said, faking a small smile.   

She glanced around to see if Maks had come out yet, but he was nowhere to be found.  

As they were finishing up, she caught Charlie coming out of the training area, and waved at him from across the room.  He grinned when he saw her and Danica, and made the “I’m watching you” gesture by pointing his two fingers at his eyes and back at her.   

Meryl giggled, glad to see that her partner seemed so happy again.  Maybe Charlie had just needed a few days to get over the idea of her dating Maks, she thought.  Meryl, of all people, knew what it felt like to have your partner start a new relationship.  It had taken her _months_.  Charlie was quick to adjust, though.  

Everything was going to be good between them, finally.  She let out a sigh she hadn’t realized she was holding in.

 

**CF Dance Academy, Anaheim, CA - 5-9-14**

It had already been a dizzying day, and it wasn’t even ten o’clock yet.  Charlie and Meryl’s publicity team decided that since they were in Anaheim, an early morning trip to Disneyland would be in order so Meryl and Charlie could take pictures with some of the Disney costume cast.  They headed over around 7 am, before the park opened, to set up the photo ops.  Meryl didn’t mind; after all, she was a huge Disney fan, but felt disappointed that they weren’t able to stay and enjoy any of the rides.  She had to settle with a mouse hat and a few pictures for Instagram and Twitter.  She’d even gotten Maks to wear a pair of mouse ears, so Meryl considered it a successful morning in the end.

Immediately after, they transferred to a local dance studio to get in a practice before they had to be at the Honda Center at three o’clock for that night’s _Stars on Ice_ practice.  

Meryl was curious why they had to get to the rink so early, since they already knew all the routines for _Stars on Ice_ at that point.  It was possible the constant lack of sleep was starting to seriously affect her, because she could barely tolerate even basic conversation at that point.  She honestly couldn’t wait until she had time off and could escape somewhere - _anywhere_ \- where she could just lay out on a chair and not talk to anyone for days.  She decided that part of her vacation time would be several days of solitude.   _Self-care_ , her therapist called it.  It was necessary for one’s well-being, and honestly, she wasn’t feeling so well these days. 

She had a headache from trying to focus on her routine, as they were being forced to share a space with Sharna and Charlie again.  It was hard enough to learn an entirely new dance in less than a week, but to also have to try and tune out the two of them--?  She never thought Charlie’s laugh would annoy her so much, but this morning, if she heard it again, she was going to smack him.   

Rubbing her eyes, she patted Maks’ shoulder.  “I need a break for a second,” she murmured, and stepped outside the room, Maks following her closely behind.  

She slid onto the floor, resting her face on top of her forearms, and sighed loudly.  Maks immediately sat next to her, rubbing her arm tenderly.  “You OK, sweetheart?” he asked gently.  

She knew he was trying to be nice, but all she wanted was a minute to herself.  She suddenly felt smothered by his constant attention.  By everyone’s attention.  Charlie had a way of understanding when she needed some time by herself without her even needing to say it.  

“Yeah,” she managed.  “Can you just … give me a couple minutes?  I’m so tired.  I just need to reset.”  

“Of course,” he said, kissing her on the temple.  He eyed her for a second before he stood up, and she felt herself letting out a huge breath once he stepped back in the studio.   

Maksim was great.  Honestly.  But he had a long way to go before he really understood everything about her.  It was unfair to compare him to Charlie -- after all, she’d only really known Maks a few months, so how could she expect him to be able to read her the way Charlie could?  

The problem Charlie had (besides the fact that he’d never really been _in_ love with her) was that he was awful at expressing his true feelings.  Sure, he wasn’t a great actor, but it didn’t mean that he didn’t try to hide what was going on.  Meryl suspected part of the reason she always ribbed Charlie about his acting was because _she_ always knew what was going on in his mind, even if he didn’t want her to.  She had never pressed him into talking about things, but the consequence of that was that they didn’t usually discuss their problems, either.  Tension rarely built up, but when it did, it wasn’t until they could barely talk to each other before they’d finally let it all out. 

Meryl had figured out that Charlie and Tanith had been fighting for the last couple days, specifically because he had stopped talking about her.  When they were getting along well, it was “Tanith this” and “Tanith that,” but when they were fighting, Charlie wouldn’t say a word about her.  Meryl also noticed that Tanith hadn’t shown up at the studio in L.A. at all that week.   

Usually she would stop by for lunch when they were training there, but she had been suspiciously absent that week.  Charlie had also been sneaking off to take phone calls in private, whereas usually he didn’t care who heard him.  Meryl wondered if it had anything to do with the house they were supposed to buy together.  She wanted to ask Charlie, but Maks was always around, it seemed, and it wasn’t a conversation she wanted to have in front of her _boyfriend_.  She wasn’t sure Maks would understand or want to hear about it. 

Maks wasn’t keeping her isolated, exactly, but Meryl found that she spent very little time talking to Charlie by himself, outside of practice and performance at _Stars on Ice_.  Even then, it was only a few words here or there, mostly about their technique.  It was strange to feel so disconnected from him.   

Still, if they were to act like “competitors” on _Dancing with the Stars_ , she supposed she needed to keep her distance from Charlie.  The producers had already made a comment about her smiling at him too much on camera, and she noticed the following week, they kept her offstage when he was performing and interviewing in the skybox.  One of the associate producers told her specifically not to approach him after his routine or on the red carpet, and she assumed Charlie was told the same - because he wouldn’t even look in her direction when she was in the skybox earlier that week.  

A part of her felt hurt, but she had to remind herself that it was all part of the performance.  And besides, she had Maks, who was amazing, and comforting, and was helping her improve every week.  Not to mention that Maks, unlike Charlie, was _attracted_ to her, as a woman.  She still felt herself basking in his attention, even if it felt suffocating from time to time.  She blamed that feeling on the exhaustion.   It was hard to be “on” all the time when you were only getting four hours of sleep a night, if that. 

She did several minutes of deep breathing exercises to clear her mind - another trick her therapist had taught her - and finally felt ready to start again.  

 

**Honda Center, Anaheim, CA - 5-10-14**

Meryl wasn’t sure if she was imagining it, but it felt like Charlie was staring at her more intensely than usual during their _Scheherazade_ routine at _Stars on Ice_.  Now that they had performed it so many times, the characters had become more defined and easy to fall into, but there was something different about tonight.  Meryl knew something was definitely up. 

“What’s going on?” she murmured to him as they held onto each other’s cheeks, gliding across the ice.  She hoped that no one could tell they were talking.  They had a way of talking on the ice that wouldn’t interrupt the performance -- usually during close holds or lifts -- but lately, they hadn’t even been doing that, so Charlie’s eyes momentarily flashed after her question.  She saw his jaw tense up as he pulled her up onto his shoulders into a lift. 

“Nothing,” he muttered quickly.  The grip on her wrists was almost vice-like. 

“We’ll talk after the show,” she whispered just before he swung her back down and around.  His timing was off by a second on the landing, but she managed to catch it by shifting her weight slightly.  Chances were that no one had noticed the mistake, but she felt it, and knew it was a result of the tension he was holding in.  If she didn’t talk to him soon, their future ice performances might be in jeopardy, she thought.  It would be Russia all over again.

 

**Cup of Russia, Moscow, Russia - 11-22-08**

For the first time in their entire skating career, Meryl found herself in a position that she was not used to:  that of supporter, instead of being the supported.  She was naturally a high-strung person, whereas her ice partner, Charlie, was more laid-back, so more times than not, he was the one comforting her and telling her that there was “nothing to worry about.”  She would often fuss about being off on a set of twizzles, or losing her balance on a lift, but it mainly happened in practice.  They had _never_ faltered badly in competition:  until that day.

She knew something had been wrong with Charlie even before they stepped onto the ice.  His demeanor was off. She didn’t want to say anything, assuming it was probably pre-performance nerves, which they both suffered from in varying degrees, her more than him.  Transferring to the ice usually calmed those nerves, though.  Once they were in the routine, they fell into the headspace they needed to be to get through it.   

That wasn’t the case that day.  When Charlie fell the first time, she assumed it wouldn’t happen again, but after he fell for a second time, and botched a twizzle following that, she knew something was seriously wrong.   He managed to finish, sliding across the ice on his knee in the dramatic finish the program dictated, but as soon as they headed off the ice, his shoulders slumped and he refused to look at her, but apologized several times, shaking his head in disbelief.  She was upset at the mistakes, but more than that, confused about what had happened.  They had worked so hard to get this far.  They had done fine yesterday with the short program, so what had happened that caused him to fall apart? 

The whole time they were in the kiss-and-cry, awaiting their scores, she patted his leg, trying to offer him what comfort she could.  She didn’t want to talk to him until they were completely alone.  Charlie refused dinner after the show that night, knowing they had another performance ahead of them the following day.  He told the Moms and Igor, their coach, that he just needed to rest it off.  Meryl made a similar excuse, and they presumably headed to their separate hotel rooms.   

Right before they parted ways, Charlie stopped her, touching her on the arm.  “Can you… um, come in for a little bit?”

She could tell from looking at him, and the tone of his voice, how much effort it had taken him to ask her that, so she nodded, and followed him into his room with her hand resting gently on his back.  Usually he was the one leading her around, but something gave her the courage to touch him. 

She glanced around awkwardly.  They didn’t generally spend time in each other’s hotel rooms -- not alone, anyway.  They usually had roommates - skaters from the U.S. that were in competition with them - or sometimes their moms.  This trip, however, Charlie was in his own room, as was Meryl, while the Moms were sharing a room.  The Russian hotel rooms were small and cramped, the bed barely fitting into the room it was situated in.  There wasn’t even a desk, so Meryl had nowhere else to sit but the bed.   

Charlie sat next to her, frowning and kneading his fingers together.  He looked up at her, his eyes watery.  “Listen, Mer, I’m… _so_ sorry about tonight.” 

Meryl smiled sympathetically, her own eyes filling with tears.  She immediately leaned across to take her partner in a tight hug.  “It could have happened to either of us.  It was… just a bad night for you,” she murmured into his neck.  He held her tighter. 

“I know, but I feel like I let you down.  You’ve never --” he sniffed, pushing out a ragged breath.  “You’ve never done anything like that before, and I, I just-- I feel so, so awful, I...” 

“Stop,” Meryl said, pushing back from him to look him in the eyes.  His eyes were rimmed with red, and he frowned, swallowing hard.  “It’s okay,” she told him.  “We’re human, right?  We all make mistakes.  We all have bad days.  I’ve had plenty of bad days in practice -- you just happened to have it here.  It’s not the end of the world…”

“I know,” he moaned, sniffing again, his eyes focused on a spot on the bed cover.  “But, we’re just getting into Seniors and I really, really want us to do well, and, then I just …” 

“Charlie,” Meryl said, grabbing his chin in her hand to bring his focus back to her.  “So do I, but it’s _okay_.  It’s _one_ day.  Tomorrow is another day.  We’ll be fine.  I promise.”  She spoke slowly and deliberately, but in a soft tone, to let him know she wasn’t upset.   

“I just… I feel so bad, I can’t --” 

Meryl, on one hand, wanted to know what it was that had caused him to lose his concentration.  Had something spooked him?  Was it nerves?  Was something bothering him?  Was there something going on in his family she didn’t know about?   On the other hand, she thought, the routine was over, and all they could do was to try and do better the next day.  She touched his cheek, stroking it softly.   

They didn’t touch each other like that outside of competition, and she saw him flinch slightly at the contact.  “You can’t worry about it, Charlie,” she said soothingly, keeping her palm against his cheek.

After several seconds, he finally closed his eyes, and relaxed his jaw against her hand.  He breathed softly, his breath tickling her fingertips as she studied his face, his strong jaw resting against her palm, the feel of his head moving up and down slightly as he breathed deeply.  Finally, his eyes fluttered open slowly, and he gazed at her for a long moment, then looked down at his own hands, which were still knotted together in his lap.  She saw his adam’s apple bob up and down as he swallowed.  She slowly slid her hand away from his face, feeling slightly odd about their extended contact. 

“You think we’ll do better tomorrow?” he asked, furrowing his brow, still staring at his hands. 

“Of course we will.  I have faith in you.  I have faith in both of us,” she said, smiling.  

He grabbed her hand, squeezing it tightly, and she felt her stomach jump.  A warmth spread up her neck and into her cheeks, and as he looked up at her, his eyes bright and renewed with hope, she quickly switched her gaze down at her own lap, suddenly shy. 

“Hey, um.  I know this is kind of weird, but -- would you mind staying here -- just for tonight?”

“I’m sorry?” Meryl asked, her cheeks burning red hot now.   She could barely stand to look at him.  What was he asking her?  Did he know that she was attracted to him?  She had been trying not to think about it, but ever since their coach had them dyeing his hair and growing it out more, she felt herself developing an attraction to him.  She had known Charlie since he was a stocky, immature eight year old, and had not thought of him as anything other than her ice partner and friend -- until recently.  What did it mean that he was asking her to stay with him?  Was it possible he felt the same way?  Was he going to kiss her?

“I mean… crap.  I’m sorry.  I didn’t mean anything appropriate,” he said, quickly.  “I just…” 

Meryl felt her throat catch, as she realized he wasn’t on the same page as she was.   _Of course he wasn’t,_ she thought.  At the same time, she recognized his need for comfort in that moment and knew she could never say no to him.  “Yeah,” she said softly.  “No, it’s fine.  I can stay.” 

He sighed in relief, probably at the realization he didn’t need to explain himself, and pulled back the bed cover.  “I think you can probably borrow my t-shirt and shorts to sleep in - the ones with the drawstring,” he said sheepishly.  “I, uh--”

“Sure,” Meryl said brightly, and went to his suitcase to pick them out.  After she came out of the bathroom, the shorts past her knees, and swimming in his t-shirt, she saw Charlie was already lying in bed, eyeing her with a grin.  

“A perfect fit,” he grinned as she settled in next to him.  She smiled in response, and turned on her side to go to sleep.

He shifted himself as well until they were spooning each other, and wrapped his arm around her waist.  “Thank you,” he whispered, his breath warm against her ear.   

“Of course,” she barely managed to get out before she made herself shut her eyes, desperately trying not to concentrate on the feeling of Charlie’s arm pressed firmly against her chest.  She wondered if she would get any sleep that night.

 

**Honda Center, Anaheim, CA, 5-10-14**

 

Meryl tried to get his Charlie’s attention as they finished up their performances that night, but between the end of the show and the meet-and-greet in the arena’s meeting room, they were barely able to say two words to each other.  When there was a brief lull in the activity, Meryl leaned close to Charlie, who was sitting next to her.  “Can we please talk?” she asked, quietly enough so no one would overhear them.

Charlie made a face at her, mouthing, “Here?” at her angrily.  She wasn’t sure what was making him so upset, but knew that _this_ certainly wasn’t the place to work that out.

“No,” she hissed, frowning at him.  “Later.  When we get back to the hotel.”

“I dunno, maybe,” he sighed, and shrugged.  He plastered a smile onto his face as another group of fans approached them for autographs.

===

It was late again when they got back to the hotel, and Charlie headed off to his room without another word to her.  She considered the fact that he didn’t want to talk to her, and how little sleep they were running on.  Avoiding the conflict never helped the situation in the past, she reminded herself.  

After she dropped everything off in her room, she waited about ten minutes until she was sure everyone had settled in, and walked over to his room, which was two doors down from hers.  She knocked quietly on the door, a brisk four-tap that she always used.

She heard his heavy footsteps, then the door slid opened as he looked out.  “Oh,” he said, upon seeing her, even though she was sure he had known it was her.

“May I come in?” she asked, trying to keep her tone neutral.  She didn’t want to upset him any more than he obviously was, even though she had no idea _why_ he was so upset.

“I really need to sleep, Mer,” he said, sighing loudly.   

She held the door open with her foot.  “I think it’s more important that we talk first.”   _New Meryl_ did not take “no” for an answer, even when it was difficult.  Her therapist would have been proud of her. 

She watched Charlie take another deep breath before he opened the door wider, gesturing to let her in.   

“Thank you,” she said graciously, as he passed by him, choosing to sit on the desk chair that sat opposite the large bed.  He sat on the bed, facing her, but far enough away that they weren’t touching.  His arms crossed as he settled in. 

“So,” he said, raising his eyebrows at her.   

He was the worst actor, she thought again.   

“Charlie,” she said softly.  “I’ve known you for twenty years.   You can’t pretend that everything’s fine when it’s not.”  

She waited for a second, but he remained silent, studying her warily.   

“Seriously.  What’s going on with you?  Your timing on that lift during _Scheherazade_ was off and I had to correct it so I didn’t fall.  You've never missed that before.  Plus, you’ve just been, well…” 

“Been what?” he asked, defensively.

He was still in denial mode.  She didn’t know why.  They were friends.  Friends shared things.  He shouldn’t have to hide from her.   

“Well, something’s wrong,” Meryl said frankly.  “I know you’re upset about something, and I’m tired of us pretending like we’re okay when we’re _not_.  I hated pretending when you started dating Tanith, and then again, with Fedor --” 

“I had good reason with Fedor,” Charlie broke in.  “He’s an asshole.”

Meryl flinched.  “Yes, OK, but, still, I can’t -- our schedule is too crazy for us to be anything but _honest_ with each other right now, Charlie.”

"I hate that you’re dating Maks right now,” Charlie burst out.  His hand immediately flew up to his mouth, then he balled it into a fist.  It was obvious he hadn’t intended to say that right away, if at all. 

“Excuse me?” Meryl asked, tilting her head to look at him.  

“I -- I’m sorry, I --”

“You know what?” Meryl grimaced, standing up.  “You have absolutely _no_ right to tell me that.”  

She stood in front of Charlie, her cheeks suddenly flush with anger.  

“I spent years, _years_ \-- hoping maybe you’d take notice of me.  And then you decided to date Tanith, and, OK --” she demurred, swallowing back tears, “I get it, she’s pretty, and more relaxed; she’s definitely a great fit for you.  I finally…”  

She had to take a breath to continue, while Charlie just stared at her, his mouth slightly ajar, in shock.  

“I _finally_ accepted it was time to move on.  We accomplished what we always wanted -- we got our gold at the Olympics, after all those years, all the hard work, and, I was _so_ happy, but, at the same time, I was so, so _sad_ , because I knew I had to let it go… between us.  That we weren’t going to be partners for life -- that you were going to _get your house_ with Tanith, and DJ, and your life together, and, it was time for me to move on.”  

Charlie still sat there, his fists clenched at his sides as he continued to stare at her.  She almost wanted to slap him, will him into saying something, _anything, damn it._  

“And… when I met Maks --”  She shook her head.  “At first, it was just silly.  I loved the attention.  I just liked -- being admired.  I was pretty sure Maks was just a great actor, but we definitely had this chemistry, and it was fun… _he_ was fun.” 

Charlie’s jaw twitched at that, but he didn’t say anything still.

“And then.  Then he told me, that it _wasn’t_ an act, not like you and I are, on the ice.”  

Charlie visibly flinched at that.

"I mean, he told me he really _likes_ me, for who I am.  He thinks I’m beautiful.  He wants to _be_ with me.”  She left out the last part, which had almost slipped out her mouth:   _unlike you._

Meryl stood there, then, and watched Charlie swallow, his adam’s apple bobbing up and down rapidly.  His eyes never left hers, his gaze intent on her.  

His voice was slightly hoarse when he finally spoke again.  “Meryl.  I never said… I didn’t want you.” 

“You made it very clear with your choices,” Meryl fumed, her arms crossing against her chest tightly.  “You have a girlfriend, and you’re buying a house with her.  You’ve made it _very_ clear to _everyone_ what your choice was.  And it was never me.” 

“I was scared,” Charlie croaked, his voice barely above a whisper.  

“What?” Meryl asked, furrowing her brow and taking a step back.  She pushed her hair back from her face.   

“I didn’t… I thought if it didn’t work out, we would lose each other.  And I didn’t want to risk that.  You’re -- the most important person in my life.  I know you better than I know my own family, in some ways.”

“But…”

“And when I see you with Maks, it’s nearly all I can do to hold myself in.  I… I can barely sleep, my stomach hurts  -- all the time.  When we have to practice together, it’s all I can do to not rip him off you, Meryl.”  He stood up and grabbed her roughly by the shoulders, holding her gaze, his blue eyes darker than she’d never seen them, his jaw clenched tight.   

“But… I…?” Meryl trailed off, confused.   When had this started?  And _how_?  She had so many questions, and was starting to feel overwhelmed.  Her vision blurred, her limbs suddenly losing all strength as she felt her knees collapse beneath her. 

“Meryl -- _Meryl_!”  

That was the last thing she heard before she blacked out.


	5. It's time to see what I can do

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Charlie and Meryl finish their conversation.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A million suns of gratitude for [fandrastic](http://archiveofourown.org/users/fandrastic/pseuds/fandrastic), who literally used up the rest of her battery on her computer to edit this for me. If anyone wants to donate to her new charger fund, you should message her. I am spearheading this effort (she knows nothing about it but DESERVES IT.) Especially if you want her to update on her own story ... because I'm dying ... 
> 
> OK, things get heavy. Comments are cherished like the finest wines. Thanks as always for sticking with me.
> 
> ===

**Anaheim Health Medical Center, Anaheim, CA - 5-10-14**  

When Meryl woke up, she was in what appeared to be a hospital room--?  

Her vision was still blurry, but she saw she was dressed in a gown, covered by a white sheet.  Holding her hand as tightly as a vice was… Maks, who was stroking it incessantly.  She finally had to reach down and cover his hand with hers to make him stop.  He looked up at her with relief, but the first thing she wondered upon seeing him, was where Charlie was.

“Um,” she said, realizing it was harder to talk than she thought.  

She tried to remember how she had ended up here.  She looked over at her left wrist, and saw an IV hooked up to it.  She glanced back to see the saline drip.   _Fluids_ , she thought.  Maybe she had passed out from exhaustion?  She couldn’t remember, other than something about Charlie.   _Where was Charlie?_ Had they gotten in an accident?  She panicked. 

“Meryl,” Maks started to say, but she stopped him by squeezing his wrist tightly.

“Wh -- where’s Charlie?” she sputtered.   

Maks looked both hurt and confused at the same time, but managed to turn it into a terse smile.   

“He’s outside the room.  He wanted to give us a minute.  Sharna and I drove back down here as soon as we heard what happened.”  They had been on the way up to San Jose to set up for tomorrow’s practice on the tour. 

“But he’s all right?” Meryl asked, confused.

“Yeah… nothing happened to him, it was just you,” Maks said, rubbing her wrist gently.  “He said that you were probably over-exhausted.  He said you passed out in the hallway of the hotel, and he called the paramedics right away.” 

“Huh,” Meryl said, still perplexed.  She hadn’t remembered passing out in the hallway.  She tried mentally retracing her steps, starting with the show that night, then coming back to the hotel…

_Oh._

The memories came flooding back.  Charlie’s odd behavior at the show, confronting him in his room, his confession… 

“I need…”  She gestured at the water cup next to the bed.   

Maks quickly grabbed it for her.  She took a long sip of water, clearing her throat.  She felt like a truck had just run her over.  How was she going to do another show tomorrow, let alone the _Dancing With the Stars_ episode Sunday?  She didn’t want to be kicked off prematurely, but-- 

“My princess,” Maks said gently, still stroking her wrist.   

She sighed, looking up at him.  He obviously did care about her.  She took another drink of water before speaking.

“Can I talk to Charlie for a minute?”

“Sure,” Maks answered, standing up and heading to the door.  She felt a little guilty for what she was going to say next.

“I need to talk to him alone.”  

This immediately caused Maks to turn around and furrow his brow.  He had that suspicious gaze on his face, again, but leaned over and kissed her gently on the temple.

“No problem,” he said, and she could swore he bowed slightly.  

She shook her head slightly and waited until he left, watching as Charlie stepped in the room, the door closing behind him. 

The way he looked at her caused her chest to tighten painfully.   

“Charlie,” she said, reaching her hand out.  He immediately came over, taking hold of it. 

“Meryl…” he started.  She watched as a number of emotions rolled over his face, until he finally said, “Are you … okay?  I was so worried about you.”  

That was when he started rambling.  Charlie tended to do that when he was nervous.   

“You just -- one moment we were talking, and then y -- you passed out, and I --” 

“You told Maks you found me in the hallway,” Meryl stated. 

Charlie had the grace to look embarrassed.  

“Yeah,” he frowned.  “I -- I didn’t, um …” He trailed off.

“I understand,” Meryl said.  She knew why he had done it, and she wasn’t mad at him for it.  “I really don’t want to miss the show tonight,” she lamented.

“The doctor isn’t going to let you do _Stars on Ice_ , and either will Coach.”

“But what about _Dancing with the Stars_ \-- I just can’t --”

“One day at a time, Davis,” Charlie soothed, with a small smile.  

It was the same thing she’d said to him the day she found out he was sidelined with a broken ankle years ago.  That injury had caused them to lose an entire skating season.  She was surprised he had remembered that line.

She grinned widely, squeezing his fingers.   

“You’re my best friend, Charlie,” she admitted.

“Mine, too,” he acknowledged.  “I was … really worried about you.  I mean, we’ve been working so hard and then -- well, I kind of feel like it was all my fault, I dunno --” 

“No,” she said, frowning.  A small smile snuck up on her face.  “Well, maybe…”   

She still couldn’t remember all the specifics of their conversation, or at what point she had actually passed out -- or _why_ , exactly -- but she shared Charlie’s concern.  Maybe she was doing too much.  Maybe she did need to drop something.  But what?  She had a contractual obligation to _Stars on Ice_ \-- and skating was her life’s work.  But she was dating Maks -- and quitting _Dancing With the Stars_ would break his heart -- and his chance at finally getting a trophy.  She closed her eyes, lying her head back against the pillow. 

“Are you feeling OK?” Charlie questioned.

She opened her eyes and looked at him.  

“Yeah, I just … I don’t know what to do.  I feel like maybe I _am_ pushing myself too much, but I don’t know what to do.  I don’t even remember at what point I passed out last night.”

Charlie suddenly looked pained.  He quickly neutralized his expression.  

“What, um... _do_ you remember?” he asked delicately.   

He was sort of afraid to ask.  He didn’t want to say or do anything that would make her feel faint again.  He had never seen her like this, ever.  As anxious as Meryl was, she had never actually _passed out_ , not that he was aware of.  He wondered if this had happened in the past and he didn’t know about it.  The thought made him frown.  Maybe she’d been dehydrated, or hadn’t been eating enough.  He realized he was going to have to keep a closer eye on her.  They were both moving too fast, and probably not taking care of themselves properly. 

“Um,” Meryl swallowed.  “I remember being in your room.  I was, we were talking, and the last thing I remember you said -- you said something, um -- you didn't want to ruin our partnership?" 

Huh, Charlie thought.  She _did_ remember everything.  Leave it to Meryl to keep all the details, even when disoriented.  The thought made him smile crookedly. 

"What's so funny?" she asked defensively.

"Nothing -- it's just that you pass out and _still_ manage to remember everything.  Your brain is kind of a wonder, Mer." 

"And yours is a conundrum," Meryl responded with a matching smirk.  She took a breath before she continued.  "What did you mean by that, anyway?"  

 _I don’t want to lose our friendship,_ he’d said.   

Charlie felt a pain shoot through his chest.  He didn't really want to continue that conversation -- not here; especially not with Maks and Sharna right outside the door.  But Meryl had the right to know.  He had kept it from her for too long.

"Do you remember when we finished our final dance, at the Olympics in Sochi?  And, you know, we were both so happy it was done, and the routine -- we nailed it, and then.  We were in the middle of the ice..."  He trailed off.  Meryl knew exactly what he was getting at.

"And you said you loved me," she finished. 

"I never told you before, because -- I was afraid.  Afraid to say it."

"But, we both _knew_ it," Meryl objected.  "I mean, you and me, we've been together seventeen years ... How can we _not_ love each other?"  It wasn't about romance; there had _always_ been a deep bond between them.  Meryl was sure he was referring to that.  But she didn't know what _that_ had to do with him being jealous of Maks.  Regardless of their partnership, it didn't seem fair, still.   

"That's just _it_ , Mer," Charlie continued.  "When we were standing there, and you said that back to me, I -- I don't know how to explain it, but it was like something broke, like I’d _always_ been waiting for you to say that." 

"But... you were never _in_ love with me," Meryl frowned.  "We weren't like that," she repeated the words they had told so many reporters and friends in the past. 

"I never said that ... exactly.” 

"Um," Meryl said, pushing herself to sit up.  She had to take a breath because the sudden movement gave her a head rush.

Charlie's hand instantly went to her arm.  "Careful," he said.

"I'm fine," Meryl said irritably, wanting to continue the conversation.  "You _did_ say it, though.  Every time we talked to a reporter.  On television.  Our friends.  You told _everyone_ that there was 'nothing between us,' that you 'never think about me that way.'  That we 'weren't romantic and never would be.'  All that sounds pretty _definitive_ to me.  And you’re with Tanith.  And now you guys are buying a _house_ together.  So … I dunno, Charlie.  What would you expect me to think?" she snapped. 

It was a long moment before Charlie answered.   

"I started dating Tanith because -- I didn't want to lose you.” 

Meryl stared at him, incredulous.   

"Okay.   _Hold on_.  You started _dating_ her because you didn't want to lose _me_?"    

She narrowed her eyes at him.  Sometimes she thought Charlie was a bonehead, but this really took the cake.   

He grinned suddenly, which made her even more annoyed.  He brushed his hand through his hair, rubbing the back of his neck.  

"I am aware of how dumb that sounds.  But honestly, Mer -- at the point I started dating Tanith, I could barely stand _being_ around you.  You were making me crazy, with your pink leg warmers, and those tiny tank tops, and your obsession with that damn Beyoncé song you played 24-7 --" 

Meryl started smiling, despite herself.  

"You mean 'Single Ladies?'" she asked, biting her lip.  He still couldn't stand that song to this day.

" _Yes_ , and then all that time we spent together training for the Vancouver Olympics, and, I just –“ 

He cleared his throat. 

_“Something_ was going to break, and I didn't want it to be us, not then.  Not when we were so close to _that_ ; we had worked so long to get up to that point."   

Meryl crossed her hands in her lap, listening.  She ran her fingers over the IV tube, concentrating on the texture of it so she didn't have to study his face anymore. 

"I needed _something_ to relieve the tension.  That's one of the reasons I hooked up with Tanith," he explained.  "It was easier to be with her than constantly be thinking about you," he said frowning. 

"Compartmentalize," Meryl said, looking at up him with a dry smile. 

"Yeah," Charlie sighed.

"But at some point, you fell in love with her," Meryl said sadly.   

Charlie took a deep breath, then let it out.  

"Yeah," he breathed.  "She is ... She has been really good for me.  I needed that.  I needed something outside of us -- you and I -- so we could keep going."

"Hm," was all Meryl could say.

Her stomach was starting to turn unpleasantly as she realized there probably _had_ been a chance at one point, but now it was gone.  Why hadn't he just said something back then?  And what did that have to do with his confession at Sochi?  He was with Tanith now, so why would he tell her all of this now? 

As if Charlie was reading her mind, he continued.   

"But ... the reason I told you I loved you in Sochi was -- well, I needed to tell you that, _once_.  And the reason I hadn't said it before was because, well.  Saying it out loud to you was about _more_ than just our friendship.  That moment meant _so much_ , to both of us -- and, I just felt so happy, and I wanted to share it with you --"  

He shifted in his seat next to her, reaching out to grab her hand.  

“And then, all the time since then, since we won the gold medal, I can’t stop thinking about you, all over again.  And, I mean, we barely have time to sleep as it is, but I’m losing even _more_ sleep over this, especially since I found out you and Maks got together, so…”  He trailed off, his mouth turned down into an open grimace.  He squeezed her fingers in his hand, nervously. 

Meryl swallowed, trying to get rid of the lump that felt like it was permanently stuck in her throat.  The pain in her stomach had turned into a stabbing feeling that now reached into her side.  

"But – y- you dedicated your dance, on the third week, to _Tanith_ , and the year you got together with her." 

"Because I _had_ to.  Because ever since that moment --" he pushed out another breath, squeezing her hand, his eyes looking up to meet hers, "-- in Sochi, _you_ are all I can think about, again.  I had to distract myself from it and that was the only way I could figure out how."

"You didn’t even _mention_ me,” Meryl said, barely loud enough for him to hear.  

She looked like she was about to cry.

He blanched.  He hadn't considered that by dedicating his dance to Tanith and his family, instead of _her_ , specifically, that he would hurt her _that_ much.  He had felt that by dedicating a song to her, he’d be putting his true feelings out there for everyone to see, and he hadn’t been ready to risk everything at that point.  

Now he just felt like a heel.    

At the time, he had desperately tried not to think about what Meryl’s song choice and dedication had meant, choosing instead to revel in jealousy over her and Maks' dance, and their obvious chemistry.  Maybe subconsciously, he had hoped his dedication to Tanith would force Meryl closer to deciding to leave.  Then he could stop being constantly reminded of the mistakes he had made repeatedly over the years. 

"I didn’t want to hurt you,” he said, lamely.  

Even he knew that was kind of a lie.   

"Listen,” she said, lowering her chin, her lips pressed together.  “That night, when we picked the songs, I didn't expect anything to change between us.  I’m not an idiot.   But, I picked that song, _my_ song, for _you_ , because, _seventeen years_ , Charlie, I have literally given _all_ of myself to you -- to us, including my heart."   

She took her hand away from him, then, twisting it inside her other palm.   

Charlie saw her eyes starting to water, and he frowned deeply, trying to hold in his own feelings.  For so many years, it was all he could do.  He couldn't sacrifice losing Meryl.  She was more than just a fling.  Or a girlfriend.  She was _his_ everything, too.

"I'm sorry," he whispered, wringing his own hands together, his eyes focused on his lap.  "I never, I mean ... I guess I was just trying to protect myself.  And Tanith." 

"That's the problem though," Meryl said, her voice taking on an edge.  "That's all you've _ever_ done, is protect _yourself_.  You hated so much when I dated Fedor, which you made very clear at the time, and _now_ you're mad at me for dating Maks, but I don't think you ever stopped to think how _hard_ it's been for me these past four years.  After I lost my close friendship with Tanith, because _you_ were spending all your time with her, and suddenly, she didn't want to hang out with me anymore.  And then how everything changed after that, how you couldn’t even _look_ at me the same way ... When we had to take all those extra acting classes, and you _still_ could barely look at me..." 

"If I _did_ , I'd have to admit that I had never gotten over you," Charlie said quietly. 

"But you still love Tanith."

"I do.  And … she doesn't deserve me.  You have to understand.  I feel guilty _every day_ when I come home to her but still think about _you_ \-- being on the ice with you.  Training with you.  Taking those stupid _ballet_ classes with you." 

"But … I -- You're buying a house together," Meryl protested, unable to process it all.  

Charlie was _in love_ with _her_?   _He had been for years?_  She felt blindsided.  And upset.  And giddy.  She had to remind herself to breathe. 

"Yeah.  I don’t know," Charlie said, chuckling dryly.  "We got in a fight.  It was... pretty nasty."

She snorted.  "I _knew_ it.”  Meryl couldn’t help but grin smugly, rolling her eyes.

Charlie shot her a questioning look.  

Meryl shrugged.  "You stopped talking about her.  I knew something was up."

"Well.  If _that's_ the case, then you should have seen this whole thing coming," 

Charlie laughed, trying to dispel the awkwardness that had settled between them.  Meryl shook her head, and made a face at him. 

"What was the argument about, anyway?" Meryl asked, curious.

"Where we were going to buy the house," Charlie said, which made Meryl nod in acknowledgment.  "I want to stay in Michigan, but Tanith thought we should buy in L.A., and I should just continue to rent in Michigan, until I finished school." 

"But that's at least -- another year, right?  And what, would she live in L.A. while you were in school, still, or--?"

"That was the other thing.  She said she wanted to be in L.A. because she thought she had a better chance of starting up a career down here." 

OK," Meryl said, nodding.  "That's probably true."

"But, y’know, I _hate_ it here.  And all our family's in Michigan, and --"

He stopped.

"What?" Meryl asked.

"I don't know.  I always had this idea in my mind.  It's stupid, but, you know, after we retired, that maybe we'd start up a coaching team, you and me.  In Michigan." 

"But… I thought you were going to law school.  And what about Tanith?  Wouldn’t she want to coach with you?"

Meryl knew she was pressing the issue.  But Tanith was still his girlfriend of _almost_ five years, and Meryl couldn't dismiss that outright.  She couldn't help but put herself in Tanith's shoes.

"Coaching was always a side job for her.  She always made it clear to me that her coaching job was just a way to help pay our bills, and that she really wanted to go into broadcasting.  I wouldn't want to work with anyone who was less than passionate about it."

"OK.  But what makes you think that's what _I_ want to do after we retire?  We haven't actually talked about it, after all."

"I know... And I know now isn't the time, but, um, do you remember when we coached at that USFA camp a couple years ago?  And how much fun that was?" 

"Yeah," Meryl admitted. 

"I knew then that you'd be the best coach someday.  And, I don't know.  It would be weird not working with you after we retire from ice dancing.  It's weird even now, on _Dancing with the Stars_.  I mean, I’m so glad we’re doing _Stars on Ice_ together." 

"Yeah," Meryl agreed, "but after this is done, don't you think Tanith would like a break from you and me?   _Meryl and Charlie?_  She has to be sick of hearing about that everywhere she goes."  

Meryl wasn't sure why she kept coming back to Tanith.  Didn’t Meryl _want_ them to break up?  Wouldn’t that be the answer to everything she had been hoping for all these years?   

Meryl considered the fact that maybe the feeling of playing second best for so long had made her empathetic to Tanith.  And after all, they'd once been close friends.  If he really did love Tanith like he said he did, she deserved as much of a chance as Meryl did.  More so, since he was already committed to her.  Charlie had to make a choice, though. 

Charlie's mouth twisted up.    

"Yeah," he said.  "We didn't exactly talk about you and me.  I was pushing the fact that I wanted to stay in Michigan for school.  I told her before that you and I hadn't decided what we wanted to do next, but I think she assumed we were just going to retire after this was over, so then I'd be free to go wherever.  After graduating, of course."

"But that's not what you want, is it?" Meryl nudged.   

Charlie frowned, but didn't say anything.  Meryl sighed, and touched his arm gently.   

"You need to talk to her.  Before you make a mistake you both regret.  You have to both agree on something that will work, or you're both going to be unhappy.  And unhappiness leads to resentment.  And if you really _do_ love her, you have to figure things out.  And if you can’t ...” She trailed off.   

_Maybe then we’ll have a chance._

She didn’t want to get her hopes up, though.  She’d had her heart broken too many times; waiting for Charlie to come around.   

"You’re right," Charlie confessed.  "I just -- I honestly don't know what to do.  I don't want to hurt Tanith, but, I _can't_ see myself living in California.  I'd miss the snow...and the hockey.  God, do you realize, my home team would be the _Kings_?  Ugh."  He put his head in his hands.  "I don't know.  I also don’t want to lose you, of course.” 

Meryl cocked her head, and smiled.  Suddenly, all the confessions between them took on a new light.  Yes, she loved Charlie, and yes, she was _in love_ with him, but the thing she wanted the most for him was to be _happy_ , no matter _who_ that was with.  It was bizarre, but she felt like knowing that he actually _did_ love her made her more willing to let him go.  

"Well.  Do what I do when you're not sure," she offered. 

"What’s that?" Charlie asked, looking up at her.

"Say a prayer,” she said simply.  “And give it up.  God will lead you to the right decision."

"Huh," Charlie mused, as if that hadn't occurred to him.  And it _hadn't_.  He had been so wrapped up in himself.  

Both he and Meryl were raised as Christians.  He had attended a private Christian high school.  Neither had been to church in years, except maybe on the occasional holiday when they were at home.  Their schedules just didn't allow for it anymore.

Somewhere along the way, he had lapsed in his faith, relying on his own mental strength to get him through it all.  He knew Meryl was right, though.  On the rare occasion he sat down and _actually_ prayed, afterward, he felt a clarity of mind and a conviction he couldn't have gotten on his own.  

He found it odd that she had brought that up, though.  She wasn’t one to talk about religion, usually. 

Maybe _that_ , in and of itself, was a sign, he thought.  They did say that God worked in mysterious ways, so who knew?

He squeezed her hand tightly.  

"Thanks, Meryl.  For everything.  You mean everything to me.”  He inhaled and exhaled slowly.  “I do love you."  

With that, he stood up and kissed her gently on the cheek.  Meryl blushed, surprised by Charlie’s sudden effusiveness. 

She knew she had to let Charlie make his own decision here.  On one hand, his revelations changed _everything_ in her mind about what had gone between them.  She was reeling from the realization that he actually had been _in love with her_ for all this time.   

On the other hand, she couldn’t make him leave Tanith.  And she was still with Maks, so.  She had to let it go.  If it was meant to be, well… things would work out. 

"I know,” she murmured. “I love you, too.”  

She squeezed his hand affectionately.  It felt good to be able to say it again.   

"And, you know, Charlie, no matter what you decide, I'll support you.  We're _partners_ , after all."

Charlie smiled, large and full, his face bursting with emotion.  He looked truly happy for the first time in weeks.  

"Partners," he acknowledged, still grinning.  He let go of her hand, and turned to head out of the room.  

She watched him leave, a wistful smile playing at the corner of her lips.

 


	6. I called you my princess but you were a queen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Meryl meets up with Maks for breakfast and they have a heart-to-heart.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just another reminder: from here on out we are in AU territory. I have added a tag onto the fic as well. Let's just say I'm living out my dreams, of sorts...
> 
> Thanks again for all the help and support from [fandrastic](http://archiveofourown.org/users/fandrastic/pseuds/fandrastic) and to everyone who has been leaving me such nice comments and kudos. It means a lot to a fanfic writer to have that support. There's some great works on the achive, so read more, and don't forget to give the authors some love! 
> 
> Also, Sarah was extra generous with the edits, so I'll have another chapter up later today before DWTS comes on ... because we need it, don't we? Come fangirl with me on [tumblr](http://potatoholic.tumblr.com/) tonight. I think I'm gonna need the Puffs. Hashtag pass the puffs, lol.
> 
> ===

**Tart Restaurant, Los Angeles, CA - 5-12-14**

Maks sat across from Meryl at the cafe down the road from where the studio was at.  There was breakfast food at the studio, but Maks had insisted on taking her to breakfast so they could talk for a couple minutes.  He was concerned about her training.  

“You’re _sure_ you want to try and perform today?” he confirmed.  

It was just after six in the morning, so he was practically mainlining coffee to keep himself awake.  He honestly didn’t know how Meryl and Charlie had done it for the last eight weeks.  Their travel schedule was insane, not to mention that they performed at least three times a week on ice, in addition to their dance training for television, which was _live_ every week.  

It was Monday, which meant it was a taping day, and they were due at the studio in just over an hour to do their blocking.  Dress rehearsal was after lunch, and the live taping aired at five o’clock, so he wanted to make sure Meryl was _absolutely_ sure she was ready.

“I’m sure,” Meryl said.  The conviction in her eyes was strong.  It was one of the many things that he admired about her.  

She wasn’t a conventionally pretty girl -- her unique looks had caught him off guard the first time he watched a video of her prior to the start of the show. Seeing her in person had quickly corrected any notions that she was anything but beautiful.  

Not to mention how extremely talented, smart and strong she was.  She literally beat the pants off of him on a weekly basis.  When he was ready to call it quits, she found another way to make him get back up and try again.  When any other girl would have burst into tears, he watched her expression turn into determination to figure out how to make it better for the next round.  She had literally become his rock.  

It was possible she might be the kind of girl he could imagine spending his life with.  She had an ambition and spirit that was unmatched.  

He had never felt like that about anyone before.

“So how do you feel about the routine?” he asked, finishing off his orange juice, and taking a bite of bacon.

Meryl chewed on her slice of wheat toast thoughtfully.  “I think it’s going okay… I feel like I want to do a few more run-throughs this morning in the practice studio, but I have the routine mapped out in my head, and I think it’ll be good.”

Maks nodded.  It amazed him that, even with the time she lost in the hospital, and missing out on an ice show, that she was still willing to come back into the studio and do this week’s dance.  He didn’t know anyone else with that kind of ambition.  He supposed it was why she was a gold medal Olympian.  “I’m really glad I have you, Meryl.  You are one of the most amazing women I know.”

Meryl licked her lips and frowned.  “Yeah,” she said quietly.  He noticed she had started to fidget with her hands, which was something she tended to do when she was nervous.  

“What?” he asked.

“I… I kind of feel like it might not work out between us,” she admitted in a rush.

“ _What_?” he asked, shocked.  That was the _last_ thing he had expected her to say.  Was he missing something?

“I just -- we’re different people, and I know that after the show’s over, there’s not going to be much for us to connect on.”

“Are you kidding me?” Maks asked.  “We’re both dancers.  You understand what it means to put all your self into a dance and give everything you have.  You have such a strong sense of ambition and determination.  You care passionately about everything you do and everyone in your life.  You’re one of the smartest people I’ve ever met.  How can you possibly say we won’t have anything to connect on?”

“I just -- it’s -- I don’t really know what I’m doing once the show is over.  I mean, we’re going to Japan in July for an ice performance, but after that, I have _no_ idea.”

“So why not just see where it all goes?” Maks asked.

“Well, Charlie and I haven’t really talked about our career, and if we’re retiring, or not.  I mean, these schedules lately have been so crazy, and we’re lucky if we get a couple hours of sleep a night.  I can barely keep track of my routines, let alone try to figure out where I’m going to be in two months.”

“You’re scared,” Maks said.  She looked up at him, amazed that he had the ability to read her emotions even when she couldn’t  She only knew one other person that could do that.

“You’ve worked with Charlie for so long, and you’re afraid to let that go,” Maks said.  “But you don’t know what _he_ wants to do after this is over, and that’s what scares you, the idea of losing him.  And, of course, you’re in love with him.”

Meryl’s eyes grew wide.  “I…” Meryl started, but Maks held his hand up.

“This isn’t my first rodeo, Meryl, save it.”  He reached across the table for her hand, and squeezed it tightly.  “I watched a _lot_ of your routines as soon as I found out you were my partner.  But more so, I’ve spent more than enough time around you two.”  

She started to slip her hand out of his, embarrassed, but he held on tighter.

“Listen, Princess.  He doesn’t see you the way _I_ do.  He just doesn’t.  You deserve someone who can love you _fully_.”  

She felt like his eyes were burning a hole through her head, straight down to her heart.  Her chest ached.  She swallowed hard.

Maks didn’t understand how it really was between her and Charlie.  They were _different_.  Charlie didn’t wear his heart on his sleeve like Maks did.  And after Charlie’s confession two days ago, she literally felt like her world had been turned upside on its head.  Maybe Charlie _wasn’t_ going to give everything up for Meryl.  

Even so, she was afraid of risking the _one real chance_ she might have with him.  She couldn’t exactly explain that to Maks, though.  He would never understand.  And even if he did, he wouldn’t just roll over and accept it.

“It’s not -- my worries aren’t about Charlie,” she lied, frowning.

“Well, then,” Maks said sarcastically.  “ Please do continue.”  It was obvious he didn’t believe her.

Meryl said, “It’s just -- I know when we first met, you were flirting with me for the show.  In fact, I was convinced, up to the point you asked me out, that everything had been an act.  And I feel like, even though we’re together now, and I _really_ like being with you, after this show is over --   I mean, I have to go back to school in the fall, and you, you have your studios, and … I just don’t know where we’ll be.”

“You know a _lot_ about me, Meryl.  You understand me in a way that most people don’t.  I’ve never connected with someone the way I connect with you, for real.  And I honestly believe there is _something_ between us that goes beyond _liking the same movies_ , or knowing what your favorite _snack_ is,” he said, rolling his eyes.  

It was a jab at Charlie, but she chose to ignore it.  He was hurt, she knew.  

The ache in her chest grew stronger.

“Even so,” Meryl said.  “It’s -- how much would we be able to see each other after this is done?  What if we finish the show and realize that this was all we had between us?”

“What if it isn’t?” Maks asked.  He shook his head.  “Don’t you at least want to give it a _chance_ and see what happens?”

A part of her wanted to say _yes, please, yes_.  She loved this new side of herself where she could be the passionate person she _knew_ she had inside her -- make love with someone who fawned over _every part of her body_ , and lay in bed with her after, murmuring in her ear until she eventually drifted off …  

Of course, it made her wonder what life with Charlie would be like.  Would he have a passionate side in the bedroom?  Would he give her the same feeling that Maks did when she orgasmed?  Would he know how to touch her?  She knew the comfort level would be there -- she had always felt _comfortable_ with Charlie, but she had no idea what the sexual side of him would be like. Her and Charlie hadn’t even kissed, for God’s sakes.  Seventeen years together, and they hadn’t even shared a real _kiss_.  Something about that made her feel odd.  

What if Maks was right?  Was she potentially giving up something good for the prospect of something that night never be?  After all, knowing Charlie, he might decide that the difficulty of letting Tanith go was too much for him.  Or what if he _did_ give everything up, only for the two of them to realize that they didn’t have the right sexual chemistry?  What if Charlie was an awful kisser or a dead fish in bed?

Something about her didn’t think that was possible, but even so.  She knew _nothing_ about that side of Charlie.  And if Meryl was being honest, Maks had broken something loose inside her that she hadn’t realized she was even capable of.  Would Charlie even be able to keep up with this new side of her?  

She sighed.  “I’m just being realistic.  I do enjoy being with you, but … OK, yes.  I’m scared.”

“I just want you to give me a chance with this,” Maks frowned.  “I really feel like we have something between us, but this conversation is bothering me.  It makes me think that something happened between you and Charlie that you’re not telling me.”

Meryl immediately felt herself start to blush.  When Maks had come back into the hospital room that night, she refused to talk about her conversation between her and Charlie, telling him she was too tired to talk.  

“Did it?” Maks asked, reaching for her chin, so she’d look him in the eye.

Meryl shook her head, her jaw tense.  “He’s just... worried about buying a house with his girlfriend,” Meryl said.  It was partially true.  And yes, the idea of that did bother Meryl, if only because she didn’t know what Charlie was going to end up doing.  Especially after their conversation at the hospital.

“So … you didn’t say anything _else_ to him?” Maks asked.  

 _Like the fact that you’re in love with him,_ was what he left unspoken.

She was pretty sure Maks hadn’t considered the idea that Charlie might actually have feelings for her as well.  Charlie had everyone else believing that he was completely committed to his girlfriend, and was purely platonic with Meryl.  Charlie had, until yesterday, convinced _Meryl_ of his indifference to her, so it was no wonder.  

Meryl was the person  that everyone was always worried about; pining over her partner, unable to find love …  poor Meryl.

She was tired of being _poor Meryl._  She finally had something going for her with Maks, and Charlie --  well, she had no idea where _that_ was going at this point.  It was a weird place to be in, honestly.

“No,” she lied, the guilt settling like a lump in her throat.  “We had to talk about what we were doing with the _Stars on Ice_ tour, because I had to miss yesterday’s show, so --”

Maks nodded, considering.  “I just want you to know, I think this -- us -- is worth giving a _real_ shot.  I don’t want just a ‘showmance.’” He grimaced suddenly.  “Man, I hate that word.”   

Meryl grinned.  “Me, too.  It’s an awful word.”  

“So?” Maks said.  “We’re still doing this?  You have nothing to be scared about.  We’ll never know whether it’s going to work unless we give it a shot.”

Something in her shifted.  She felt the warmth of his affection wash over her.  No one had ever fought for her like that before.  He really did care about her.  The conflict of her feelings for Maks and Charlie, flitting back and forth in her mind, was starting to give her a headache.  

“I think … I am willing to try,” Meryl said carefully.   _She could always change her mind later,_ she thought.  She reached up for Maks’ hand and kissed him on the fingers.  Maks bit his lip, his eyes softening as he gazed at her for a few seconds.

“You’re making me fall in love with you, Meryl Davis,” Maks said, pulling her hand back across to his mouth so he could return the gesture, his lips ghosting over every one of her knuckles.  

Meryl shivered.  She felt like the air had been taken out of her.  Two confessions of love in two days was almost too much to handle.  She felt herself getting lightheaded, and closed her eyes, breathing deeply to bring herself back.  The last thing she needed was to faint and end up in the hospital again.  They had a show today.   _Calm_ , she repeated to herself like a mantra.

“Meryl…” Maks said, coming around to the side of the table to kneel next to her.  “Are you OK?”

“I’m fine,” Meryl said.  Her eyes fluttered opened as she looked down at him.  She felt tears spring into her eyes, and she cursed herself for feeling emotional of all a sudden.  “It’s just -- a lot to, um --”  

Maks stood up and pulled her up into a tight hug.  “Babe, it’s ok.  We’ll figure this all out, OK?”

“I know,” Meryl said, allowing herself to relax into his broad chest, her head resting against the dip below his shoulder blade.  He smelled like the musk body wash he used in the shower, and she breathed it in, committing it to memory, and allowing herself to take comfort in it.  “Thank you,” she said.  She looked up at him, and he dipped down, his lips touching hers tenderly.  

“I know it seems like a lot,” he murmured, pulling back and taking both her hands in his, “but I don’t want to give up on you, Meryl.  You are very special to me.”  

“You’re special to me, too,” Meryl said, looking up at him.  It was true:  she and Maks had something that was special, and completely different from her partnership with Charlie.  And she wondered, for the first time, if maybe she had been wrong all along.  Maybe Maks _was it_ , maybe _he_ was the one she was meant to be with.  Perhaps she just needed to accept it?  

She sighed under her breath.  She felt so torn; on one hand, her loyalty and love for Charlie that had been a part of her life for the last seventeen years.  On the other hand, there was Maks, who saw her for everything she was, and wanted it all for her, as she did for him.  The instant passion that had sparked between them.  The way he fawned over every part of her, inside and out.  It was strange to realize it, but she was probably falling in love with Maks, too.  Was that possible?   To be in love with two people at the same time?

Maks let go, then, pushing his chair in.  He looked at her for a long moment, licking his lips.  “I want to give you a few minutes to think about everything.  I’m going to walk over to the studio. You can meet me there.”  He put his car keys on the table and grabbed the check on the way out.

Meryl watched him go, feeling an odd sensation in her chest, trying to figure out how she had started breakfast thinking that they might break up, and ended it with Maks telling her he loved her.  Life was strange.   

She bit on her knuckle, wondering what Charlie was up to at that moment.

 

**Hotel Roosevelt, Los Angeles, CA 5-12-14**

Charlie was dreaming.   He was dancing with Sharna on the ice, to the Billy Idol song _White Wedding_ \-- and they skated around the rink.  He was particularly impressed by her twizzles, wondering when she had gotten so good at them. Charlie suddenly looked to the center of the ice, where, oddly, a canopy bed had appeared, and he saw Maks’ tanned ass up in the air as he crouched on his knees, bent over Meryl.   

Meryl was wearing her dress from party anthem night -- the one that looked like lingerie -- and her head was tilted back against the pillow, causing her long hair to splay out against the surface like a pool of water.  He held onto Sharna’s hand but couldn’t stop watching them; Sharna tugging at him and urging him to pay attention to their routine.  “We’re going to lose points!  They’re trying to distract you!” she was saying, but he couldn’t stop staring, as Maks pulled the thin straps of her top down, exposing her dark pink nipples-- 

The buzzing of the alarm clock jolted him awake, and he leaned over to shut it off with a groan.  He had already snoozed it several times, and was now slightly late.  Next to him, Tanith rolled over, sliding her arm over his.  “Good morning,” she said, her voice heavy with sleep.  She reached up to run her fingers into his hair, something she often did in the mornings.  

It was usually a comforting feeling, but today, after being interrupted from that bizarre dream, he felt unsettled.

“Mm,” he said, reaching across to push her hair out of her face so he could look at her.

He had arrived back in L.A. late on Sunday night after the show.  Tanith had already been asleep when he arrived, and he was so exhausted, he had fallen asleep pretty much immediately himself.  He had called her briefly from Anaheim on Sunday, the morning after Meryl was brought to the hospital, but they hadn’t talked since then.  There was still some tension that had lingered in their conversation, for a number of reasons, the worst being that Charlie had to lie about what had happened to Meryl.  No one besides he and Meryl knew where she’d been when she passed out; they were both sticking to the story of finding her in the hallway.  Tanith had tried to tell him they were doing too much, and she’d probably just overworked herself, but Charlie had not wanted to hear it.  He had hung up quickly, desperate to get off the phone.  

Charlie didn’t want to think about that now; today was show day for _Dancing With the Stars_.  He needed to get his head in the right place.

“So … how are you?” she asked as he willed himself to wake up.  No matter how much he tried to sleep (on the plane, on the bus, in the hotels), it never seemed like enough.  He constantly felt like he was on No-Doz, keeping himself awake by the sheer force of his own will.

“Tired,” he said.  It was his typical response, and he watched Tanith roll her eyes as she turned onto her back, putting her hands behind her head.  

“What else is new?” she said.  “I can’t wait until June.”   

After the show was over, they had a couple weeks off in June before he and Meryl had to fly out to Japan for _The Ice_ , a skating exhibition series they had agreed to participate in.  Charlie and Meryl had a lot of fans in Japan, and they had participated in the series for several years now.  Charlie wondered if this would be their last year doing it.  He knew at some point, he and Meryl had to sit down and talk seriously about what they were _really_ doing after this, but at the moment, he could barely keep his head straight.  

“Me, too,” Charlie said, yawning loudly.  

They had planned a vacation in Hawaii at the beginning of June.  Charlie booked a large private house which had enough room for their whole family to stay, including his sisters and their families.  There was also a separate suite with a bedroom and balcony that looked out over the ocean; that was where he was staying with Tanith.  He loved fantasizing about waking up to the sunrise coming through the open windows -- a slow awakening, surrounded by soft white pillows and crisp sheets, the salty ocean breeze wafting in ...

The only problem was that, when he imagined being there, it wasn’t _always_ Tanith waking up with him. 

To be fair, _most_ of the time it was her.  But sometimes -- especially when he was stuck in a hotel room by himself, across the country, he imagined his skating partner instead -- her dark hair contrasted against the stark white of the downy pillows, the smooth white expanse of her skin, her soft hand stroking his chest…

Damn it, he thought, as he felt his arousal come to life under the sheets.   _He had to stop doing that._  

He cleared his throat, and turned on his side so Tanith wouldn’t notice.  He forced himself to relax as he prepared to get up.  “What are you doing today?” he asked, offhandedly.  His voice cracked slightly and he cursed to himself.   

Tanith sighed, stretching out.  “I’m going to swim some laps this morning, go to the gym, and then I have a lunch appointment with my agent Greg, before the show tonight.  He wants to discuss a full-time gig for ESPN.”

“Really,” Charlie said, half-listening.  He adjusted himself in his boxer-briefs and stepped out of bed.  

Tanith reached out for his hand, which he took, sitting back down for a second.  He leaned over to kiss her on the forehead, still feeling guilty about the dream and the thoughts that had been running through his head.  

“Yeah,” she affirmed.  “So if it works out, I’d have to go to work in L.A. every day.”

Charlie nodded, and let go of her hand.  He stretched his arms out in front of him.  “Huh,” he said.

“So,” Tanith said.  “Did you give any more thought to the house thing?   Greg said he knows a great real estate agent in the area, and --”

“I don’t want to buy a house in L.A.,” Charlie broke in.   He brought his hand up to his mouth, fingering his lower lip nervously.  He did not want to have this conversation right now.   Why did she have to bring it up?   Especially _today_ , of all days.

“ _You_ don’t want to be in L.A.  What do you expect _me_ to do, then?” Tanith asked, pulling herself up on her elbow to look at him.  

“I told you this before.  We can find you an apartment here, and then you can fly back on the weekends, or whenever you’re off work.  I still have to finish school, Tan.  I mean, we’ve gone over this.  I have at least another year in Michigan, and then -- I don’t know.  I don’t know if I’m still going to be skating, or if I’m going to start law school, or --”  He shook his head.  “I’ve had, like, no time to think about anything, and the last thing I want to do is look at buying a house in fucking _California_.” 

“Wow,” Tanith said.  “I don’t even want to tell you what a dick you’re being right now.”  

Charlie stood up, his hands on his hips.  “I’m being a dick?  Tan, I’ve been working, like, 24-7 for the past two months, and before that, training, _constantly_.  I have not had a real break in _years_.” 

“Yes, because you chose this life,” Tanith reminded him.  “You didn’t have to do _Stars on Ice_.  You didn’t have to do _Dancing with the Stars_.” 

“OK, no.  But Meryl and I --” 

“Fuck _Meryl_ ,” Tanith snapped. 

Charlie’s jaw dropped.  Tanith _never_ talked about Meryl that way.  Sure, at times, they were awkwardly polite with each other, but Tanith never been _that_ defiant about his partner.

“She can take care of herself, Charlie,” she continued.  “She’s dating Maksim, she’s doing well in the competition -- she can run her own life.  For years, it’s _always_ been about you and her.  You have to check with her about this -- you have to see if she’s doing that.  She has run your fucking life for long enough.  Don’t you think it’s time to be your own person?”

Charlie’s face darkened.  “I _am_ my own person, Tanith.  And _as_ my own person, I am telling you that I have no desire to live in California.  I do want to buy a house with you, I _do_ want to start a life with you, but if living here --” he said, gesturing around the room, “--with all these fake people, and Kim Kardashian-botoxed-air kissing idiots, and --”  He stopped, losing his train of thought.  

“You’re being a jackass,” Tanith said, tears springing to her eyes.   “Did you ever consider how _long_ I’ve waited?  Waited to start my life with you?  I’ve been retired from skating, working part time, doing _whatever_ I can to help us out, all the while, supporting you while you fly to fucktown and back on your damn private jet with your damn partners -- I can’t -- I … _can’t do it_ \--”  She broke down into tears, covering her face with her hands.

Charlie felt like someone had punched a hole in his chest.   It was the same argument from before, all over again.  And one part of him wanted nothing more than to slide into her arms and hold her forever, telling her how much he loved her.  He hated seeing her like this.  It tore him apart inside.  He wished he could make _everything_ go away and they could go live on an island somewhere, for the rest of their lives.  But a bitter part of him hated the fact that they were in stasis, having the same argument with nothing to show for it.  His arms fell stiffly at his sides as he contracted his fists tightly, willing himself not to cry.  

The phone rang, and he glanced at it, on the nightstand.  It was Sharna.  Probably wondering why he wasn’t at the studio yet.  He was supposed to have left fifteen minutes ago.   “Fuck,” he muttered to himself.

“Just … go,” Tanith said, between tears.  “I don’t want to fucking talk to you anymore.”

“Fine,” Charlie said, and yanking open his suitcase, he grabbed out the first clothes he could find so he could get ready quickly and leave.  

 


	7. For you I'll risk it all

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Charlie is in a bad mood coming into the show this week.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I admit - I got impatient waiting to post this, so here you all go! Two chapters in one day. This is what happens when I get multiple chapters back at once. I can't help myself. I'm like a kid in a candy store. Blame [fandrastic](http://archiveofourown.org/users/fandrastic/pseuds/fandrastic). 
> 
> This chapter is definitely AU since Meryl and Maks do not have a contemporary dance. Also I did not follow the American Icons theme but who cares. This is better, I think. We'll see.
> 
> ===

**DWTS Studios, Los Angeles, CA, 5-12-14 - Semi-Finals Week**

Charlie fidgeted with the suit that he was wearing for that week’s first dance.  He and Sharna were doing a foxtrot for their main dance this week.  Their second dance was a samba.  He was less worried about the first, since ballroom had always been easier for him.  After last week, they were just behind Meryl and Maks on the overall scores, and Charlie hoped to edge above them, if at all possible.   

He wasn’t so sure that would happen, though, since Meryl and Maks had contemporary first, and he’d seen a few lifts they’d been trying out in practice.  Everyone liked to use lifts in the contemporary dances since they weren’t allowed in many of the other dance styles.  Plus, lifts always impressed the audiences, which was good for viewer votes. 

They were looking flawless as usual.  Meanwhile, Sharna had spent a good part of the week working hip action for the samba, and the mounting frustration in his head was certainly not helping things.   

While he felt better about Meryl after their conversation in the hospital on Saturday, his morning spat with Tanith had soured his mood all over again, and Sharna noticed right away.  She had spent the better part of the day trying to cheer him up, but when she shared a picture from _dailypuppy_ on Instagram, he just wanted to cry.   It made him miss DJ, his dog, so much.  

DJ was the only thing in his life that loved him without question, (besides his mom, probably).  

“Are you OK, Charlie?” Sharna asked for what felt like the eightieth time that day. It was starting to get old, but the last thing he wanted to do was take it out on Sharna, who had been nothing but kind to him, even with all his struggles.   

“I’ll be OK,” Charlie said.  “It’s just been a tough couple days, like I said.  I’m just…” He shook his head **,**  “I don’t know.” 

He and Sharna had sat alone in the practice studio for lunch that day, because he wasn’t in the mood to be around everyone else, but even all her support hadn’t helped.  He knew he needed to do something to get himself back in the right headspace. 

Sharna patted his back, rubbing it gently.  “You’re one of the strongest people I know, Charlie.  And we’re going to knock our dances out of the park.”   

Charlie nodded, determined.  If there was anything people could not accuse him of, it was laziness.  He had put so many extra hours in-between their shows to get ready for this week.  If that whole thing with Meryl hadn’t happened, well, he’d probably be doing better, but frankly, he couldn’t get her _or_ Tanith off his mind.  

Most of the cast was sitting around in the craft services area, waiting for the final call.  They had about a half hour before show time.  Derek, Val, Amy and Danica were prepping for their opening number.  Maks said that they were doing the opening number this week because they were ‘in jeopardy,’ as the show lingo went.  Maks was pretty sure Danica was getting voted off this week, but based on the way things had gone, it was anyone’s guess.   

Maks pointed out that the show was, in a lot of ways, a popularity contest, so people that put on the best show often won out over talent.  Charlie tried to keep that in mind as the weeks went on.  Showmanship was something he definitely understood, and he excelled at it in the right context.

It was part of the reason their quickstep routine from last week had gone so well.  It involved complex steps, but it was high energy, and it was a traditional ballroom dance, which had more specific rules than some of the rhythm-based Latin dances that he had found difficulty with.    

He just needed to keep working on being charming enough to stay around.  

He figured if he and Meryl could place in the top two; that would be a victory for both of them.  Another part of him just wanted to win, if only to throw it in Maks’ face.  He hated that bitter side of himself; the side of himself that refused to let him comfort Tanith today. It made him sick to think about. It wasn’t who he wanted to be.   

Charlie wondered if agreeing to perform in two shows - and trying to do too much - was turning him into a bad person.  

He decided he needed to do something to rectify that, so he excused himself from Sharna, and headed over to where Meryl and Maks were sitting.  Meryl’s legs were spread out over Maks’ on the couch.  He was trying not to stare at them, but it was almost impossible -- the tight asymmetrical silver skirt was cut almost up to her hip on the one side, draping past her knee on the other.  She had on a close-fit black and silver crop top that exposed her taut, muscular stomach.  They had painted a glittery silver design around her belly button and down her right arm, and somehow they’d managed to create the illusion of cleavage through the magic of whatever bra she was wearing.  He could just see the curve of her breast at the edge of her low cut top.  It was… 

“Hey, eyes up here, buddy,” Meryl said, smirking at him, which instantly made Charlie blush.  He hadn't realized he’d been staring at that long, and quickly glanced at Maks, who was eyeing Charlie with what (he hoped) was a fake glare. 

“Sorry, no -- it’s just -- both of your outfits are amazing,” Charlie said quickly.  Maks was wearing tight silver harem pants and a sleeveless black and silver top that coordinated with Meryl’s.   

Maks scowled, gesturing to his head, which had silver streaks in it as well, and was gelled into place, so it stuck out in a point to one side.  “This is probably the dumbest hairstyle I’ve ever had on this show.”

“Can’t be much worse than my rumba hair,” Charlie laughed.   

Charlie had complained about his rumba hair for _weeks_ afterward, moaning that it had taken him half the night to get out the glue they’d used to slick his hair back for that routine.  The haircut had only added insult to injury after scoring so low that week.  He vowed not to let the hairstylists do that to him ever again.   

“Yeah, I think they used the same hair glue on me, because this --?” Maks griped, touching his head, “Is rock solid.”  

Charlie reached out and touched it, and indeed, Maks’ hair was immovable.  “What the hell,” he said.   

Maks stood up then, excusing himself.  “I need to take a quick trip before the show starts.”   

Charlie nodded in acknowledgement.  There was nothing worse than being in the middle of the live broadcast and having to use the bathroom.  That’s what commercials breaks were for, but it helped if you got it out of the way beforehand.

Charlie stole his seat on the couch.  Meryl went to move her legs, but Charlie held them in place, enjoying the feel of her smooth thigh resting against his palm.  “You don’t have to move,” he said, shifting her legs back to the way she’d been sitting.   

“OK,” Meryl said, surprised by his forwardness.   

She glanced up to make sure the cameras weren’t filming back here.  They did do some backstage filming, but not in this area, right before the show.  Most of their guys were setting up their positions in and around the stage for the live show.  She let out a breath in relief.  Meryl looked over at Charlie, studying his profile.  He looked annoyed, she thought, his jaw tense, eyes flitting around the room.  It wasn’t until he looked over at her that he smiled again.  It made her smile back. 

“You excited about your dance?” Charlie asked.  “You’ve got _two_ of our lifts in your routine.”

“Yeah,” Meryl said.  

They had originally talked about it when Charlie had used a lift early on in the competition, but decided after that point that it didn’t need to be discussed; that dance elements, if they helped either of them get better scores, weren’t owned by anyone.  Ultimately, they wanted to help each other.  

At the time, it had been weird watching Charlie lift someone that wasn’t her.  That was all part of the show adjustment, though; getting used to not doing everything with him, having a new partner, etc.  Now that they’d been doing it for almost two months, it was starting to feel like old hat, working with their new ballroom partners.  She was almost proud to watch Charlie use their lifts with Sharna and Candice last week; they all looked great.   

In fact, Meryl’s biggest regret was that she hadn’t been allowed to dance with Charlie for the celebrity partner dance.  The producers wouldn’t allow it.   Meryl wondered if they were going to keep her and Charlie separated until the end.  According to Maks, that was their goal, so she supposed there wasn’t much she could do about that. 

They only had one more week left until the finals.  Next week the final four couples would compete for the trophy.  

Their final three Stars on Ice shows were coming up this weekend as well, with the final two episodes _of Dancing With the Stars_ on Monday and Tuesday.  For the second day of finals, they would only have twenty-four hours to prepare a dance, she heard.   It looked like sleep was not coming their way in the next week.  

“Are you sleeping OK?” Meryl asked, reaching out to touch his arm.   

He reached for her hand, squeezing it as he let out a breath.  They didn’t usually hold hands off the ice, but after yesterday, and everything that had happened, nothing was usual anymore, she thought. 

“I don’t know,” he began quietly, glancing over at her with a frown. “Tanith and I fought again today, and --” He sighed.  “It was awful.  I feel like we can’t get past this point of where to buy the house.  She’s still pushing for L.A., because she says she has an opportunity to work at ESPN as a correspondent.  She’s talking to her agent today.  But, you know…” 

“You don’t want to live in L.A.,” Meryl said, sympathetically.   

Charlie shrugged.  “Nope,” he said, swinging their intertwined hands up, absentmindedly.  He did that for a few seconds, and Meryl watched him, and the way he licked his lips, as if he was trying to figure out what to say next. 

“I almost broke it off with Maks this morning,” she admitted.   

Charlie dropped her hand in surprise.  “ _What_?”  He turned to look at her, his stomach doing a flip-flop.  He chastised himself.  Just because he’d told Meryl how he felt about her didn’t mean anything was going to happen.  Or _should_ happen.  He was still with Tanith, and, well.   “I thought you guys were doing great.”  His hand came up to his mouth, and he started fidgeting with his lip, something he did when he was nervous.  “I hope what I said to you Saturday, um, I mean...” 

“No, no,” Meryl told him quickly.  “I just -- I don’t know what we’re going to do once the show’s over.  I mean, I want to finish up school in the fall, and Maks -- he has his dance studios and lives on the east coast, and, I don’t know.  I’m not keen about doing a long distance relationship, to be honest.”   

“You said you _almost_ broke up,” Charlie pointed out.  “What happened?” 

“He was upset.  And then he told me he still wanted to give it a shot.  And, well -- I guess, things are going well, still, so... I don’t know.”  Meryl stared at her hand as she played around with her thumb nervously.  “I don’t know what’s going to happen,” she said quietly.  She didn’t need to say it aloud; they both knew what she meant.   

Charlie felt awkward all of a sudden, and gingerly removed Meryl’s legs from his lap.   

“I should probably, ah, go back to Sharna -- the show’s going to be starting soon.”   The break area was already filled with crew, running back and forth.  Charlie guessed it was about fifteen minutes before airtime.    

“Yeah,” Meryl said, standing up, and brushing herself off.  “I should probably track down Maks, then.”   

“You’re um, feeling OK, right?” Charlie pressed.  “I mean, doing the show after you just got out of the ER yesterday…” 

“No, no,” Meryl smiled.  “I’m fine.”  She nodded, patting Charlie on his forearm.  “Believe it or not, I got a lot of sleep yesterday, which probably helped.  And, um, I’m sorry again, about missing _Stars on Ice_ yesterday.  I’m still so mad at myself--” 

“Stop,” Charlie interrupted, pretending to frown at her.  “We already talked about this.”   

They had discussed it earlier that day, during dress rehearsal.  Meryl had apologized profusely about not being able to perform and how, after Charlie and Sharna left early Sunday morning to drive up to San Jose, she had called her coaches to talk for a while, and cried to them about missing it.  Everything had gone well enough, despite the audience’s disappointment over the lack of Davis/White routines.  A few of the other skaters took on extra routines in place of Meryl and Charlie’s numbers, including Jason Brown, who was nearly over the moon to perform his well-received Riverdance routine, which he hadn’t been scheduled to perform that week. 

“I know, I know,” Meryl relented.  She reached her arms up into the air for a stretch, and Charlie tried not to notice the way her shirt gapped open when she did it. 

“Um.  Just so you know, I plan on blowing you off the boards this week,” Charlie bragged with a grin, hoping to lighten the mood again.   He tapped her playfully on the upper arm. 

“Right.  In your _dreams_.  This dance Maks came up with is our best one, by far.  And -- we have the guest judge advantage!” 

It was true.  Katy Perry was the guest judge that week, and Maks and Meryl were dancing their contemporary to _E.T_., which was a song off her last album.  It had a strong, easy beat to dance to, with a modern, techno feel that, Charlie supposed, explained their silvery costumes.  His suit was more subdued; black shirt, pants, jacket, and shoes with a white, glittery pocket square being the old non-black thing on him.   Sharna’s flowing black and white dress, accented with crystals that sparkled brilliantly when she spun in the light, was going to make up for it, he was sure.   Charlie had caught a few minutes of their dress rehearsal footage, and he was blown away by how great Sharna looked.  He hoped the judges would feel the same way. 

It was odd, but, after spending a few minutes with Meryl, Charlie felt like his tension had dissipated.   He suspected it was going to be a close race that night.  He was ready to go. 

===

The music blared loudly through the studio as Maks and Meryl moved across the stage, the steps both complex and mesmerizing, perfectly in time to the music.  Charlie had memorized the song after hearing it so much during their shared practices, and found himself mouthing the words to the music as the bridge came up, 

 _“You’re from a whole other world, a different dimension.  You open my eyes, and I am ready to go …”_  

During the bridge, Maks spun her around and up into a raised rotational lift.  With his height, it looked really impressive, Charlie had to admit.  He knew how hard Maks had worked at the lift, too, not used to performing lifts all the time, like Charlie was.   

Charlie had razzed Maks in the opening package about struggling with the lift; and that maybe Maks would like Charlie to take over for him.  The audience had laughed during that part, which made Charlie think it had earned him another point in being likeable for the audience.  Maks had acted all hurt on camera, but he played the hurt puppy routine well, causing Meryl to defend him while still admitting on camera that Charlie was more experienced with them. They hadn’t shown it on camera, but after that, Meryl had suggested Charlie show Maks how _he_ did the lifts, and so Charlie had helped them out for an hour and a half, teaching Maks a few of the tricks he’d learned over the years to make the lift technique smoother and easier. He actually took a little bit of pride in getting to show _Maks_ how to do something, instead of the other way around. 

At the end of the aired clip, they showed Charlie leaving the room, his last words being, “Just let me know if you’re ready to give up so I can take over for ‘ya!”  That part had made him look a little cocky, he thought, since they’d cut out the part where all of them laughed immediately after, and Maks told him to get back to work, already.   

Charlie supposed it was part of making them look more like competitors.  He hoped he was living up to what the producers were looking for.  It was hard enough trying to learn the dances, let alone play the parts they were looking for on top of it all. 

Meryl and Maks had another series of “almost-kisses” during the chorus part of the song, which Charlie found annoying and overused -- this would be the third dance where Maks was using that move.  Maks admitted that he felt the romance helped their scores, and the anticipation of a potential kiss was exciting, from a performance perspective.  He could do without having to watch Maks grope his partner in front of a live audience and millions of viewers, but there was nothing he could do about that.  

He tried to just focus on the routine, after Sharna nudged him more than once, reminding him to keep smiling.  Charlie was in the skybox, so they were definitely being filmed for reaction shots.   He knew that well enough, but it was hard not to get caught up.   During the second bridge, Maks pulled her up onto his shoulder as she wrapped her legs around his torso, and hung upside down, in front of him.  He had to keep his legs bowed carefully to give her legs support, and then he flipped her around and upright.  This was another lift they had done in ice dancing, and Meryl was so smooth in her landing, Charlie had no problem clapping along with the rest of the audience.  Their routine was nearly done, and he was glad they had done so well.  

The third and final chorus came up, and Meryl went to grab Maks’ face for the almost kiss.  But instead of ghosting his lips like she had the first two times, she roughly pressed her mouth against Maks’, drawing back quickly, but causing uproar in the audience.  They were instantly on their feet, blown away by the unexpected kiss.  Charlie heard catcalling and whoops, but all he could focus on was the smile on Meryl’s face, her eyes never leaving Maks’. Maks smiled back at her, but he didn’t appear surprised -- obviously they had planned it? 

Sharna poked him again, and he quickly licked his lips, clapping wildly and forcing himself to grin.   _Fuck_ , he thought.  They’d probably caught his stupid slack jawed reaction to that damn kiss.  

 _Idiot_.

 


	8. Charlie White Is Not Amused - Caption This!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The internet is a bad place for upset puppies.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I dunno, this was sort of like a concession to myself - I just wanted this. Forgive me if it seems improbable. I'm just obsessed with Charlie's face, OK? Thanks always to [fandrastic](http://archiveofourown.org/users/fandrastic/pseuds/fandrastic), who continues to not only beta for me but lets me make fun of us with Spongebob pics on tumblr. You're a doll.
> 
> ===

**Nobu Restaurant, Los Angeles, CA - 5-12-14**   


After both Charlie and Meryl’s teams tied that night with three tens (and one nine each) on their main dances, and Charlie’s team beat them on the second dance, Maks insisted they celebrate by all going out to dinner together. Maks also invited Val and Danica along, since they had been voted off that night. He wanted to give them a farewell dinner. It ended up being a large affair, since most of Danica’s family had attended the show, expecting that she’d be voted off.  Sharna’s boyfriend Paul, and Tanith also joined the group. They had a room in the back of the restaurant to themselves.

It was mostly a jovial affair, despite the sadness of losing Danica and Val that week. Meryl and Maks in particular, had spent a lot of time with the two of them, and hated to see them go. Danica had nothing bad to say about the remaining dancers, however.

“I never even expected to get to the semifinals, and I have Val to thank for that,” she told the table as they did their sixth or seventh toast of the night.   

With all the toasting that was going on, it had also turned into quite the boozy affair, and some of them were feeling it more than others.  Meryl, who wasn’t really a drinker, had already finished off a glass of wine, and at that point, had given up her seat entirely to sit on Maks’ lap.  Charlie and Tanith were sitting across from them, and Tanith was in surprisingly good spirits after their fight that morning - though Charlie suspected the alcohol had a lot to do with it.  They had already toasted to the good news of her getting the correspondent position with ESPN, so she was particularly chatty about how excited she was to start her new career.  

Charlie couldn’t help but notice that Meryl and Tanith were chatting like old friends again, and their sudden friendliness concerned him. If there was one thing he knew about women, it was that old wounds did not heal easily. Charlie certainly couldn’t forget how Tanith had cursed out Meryl that morning, yet, here she was, laughing and chatting with them like nothing was wrong. Meryl, for her part, wouldn’t stop asking Tanith questions about her new job.  

Frankly, they were both kind of pissing him off.

He glanced over at Maks, who just shrugged at him, and finished off the sake in his cup. Charlie tried not to scowl as he watched Maks wrap his arm around Meryl, squeezing her tightly. She giggled in response. 

Tanith noticed as well, her eyes lighting up.   

“Meryl—” she said, grinning,  “Oh my God, we didn’t talk about your Katy Perry dance—that was so amazing.  I loved how you used the ice dancing lifts in the routine.”

Maks grunted. “Yeah. I don’t know why they say you can use lifts in the contemporary dance, but then Carrie Ann wants to knock us down for the way we used them?”   

She was the judge they’d gotten their ‘9’ from that night.  

“Tell me about it,” Charlie groused.  “She didn’t say anything about it to Sharna and me last week.  And, you guys had a perfect routine!  You should have gotten all tens.”    

“I couldn’t believe that you actually kissed Maks during the routine,” Tanith teased, grinning mischievously. “You guys got a standing ovation for that!” 

Meryl smiled slyly. “Maks and I talked about it earlier today and decided at the last minute to do it. We figured it would help our viewer scores.”

“No doubt,” she said. “I don’t think anyone expected that at all!”  

Sharna had overheard their conversation and leaned across Charlie towards the girls.

“You should have seen Charlie!” she grinned. “I think his jaw about hit the floor at that moment,” she said, snickering.  

“Oh, yeah--?” Maks said, suddenly interested.  

Charlie wanted to bury his head. “Dude, I was just—surprised, like all of you guys.  I mean—Meryl and I never kissed during our ice dances, so, you know, I just **…** didn’t expect it.”

 _Damn it, I sound like an idiot,_ he thought. 

“You’re such a dork, Charlie. Maks is actually dating her, so it’s not like it’s that weird,” Tanith pointed out. She turned back to Maks and Meryl, who, had somehow managed to squeeze even closer to one another. “I thought it was really sweet,” she said to them. “I’m so happy that you guys found each other.” 

“So am I,” Maks said, kissing her temple. “She’s my real-life princess.”  

Charlie felt like he wanted to throw up. Meryl had been a ‘princess’ long before Maks had ever come along. It had always been a joke among the ice skaters about Meryl and her obsession with Disney heroines. So why did _he_ have to take it on as if it was his own thing?  

“I mean, I think you guys probably have the best chance of getting the trophy,” Tanith gushed. “Your dances have been amazing.”   

“And what am I, chopped liver?” Charlie asked, putting on a theatrical frown.  

“You’re still my number one, honey,” Tanith said, pecking him on the cheek, “but I’m just being honest.” 

“Ugh.   _Worst_ ,” Charlie said, finishing off his wine.  

He decided to mostly keep his mouth shut for the rest of the night, because it seemed whether he said anything or not, the world was against him. He wanted to be happy about where he was at—staying in the competition, scoring the highest of all the teams that week, but everyone seemed more interested in fawning over what a ‘cute couple’ Meryl and Maks were, his own girlfriend included. He refilled his wine glass, and pulled out his phone to look at Reddit for a little bit. He needed a laugh.

He opened up the app, and started to scroll down the front page.   

“Oh, _fuck_ ,” he cursed under his breath.  

Sharna must have overheard him, because she leaned into him, her breath heavy with alcohol. “What’s up, Charlie?” she said.  

“Can you come with me for a second?” he asked, grabbing lightly onto her arm. She nodded, and followed him out of the room to the hallway that went to the bathrooms. She looked at him, waiting for him to explain. “OK, listen. You know I was kind of in a bad mood earlier.” 

“Kind of?” Sharna snorted.  “You could have peeled the paint off my car with your withering glares, Charlie. I don’t know what was up with you, but—”

“OK, OK,” Charlie growled, interrupting her. “And you know how you kept nudging me during the show because you said I wasn’t smiling?”

"Yes…?”  

“Well, look at this.”  

He handed over his phone, which was set to the Reddit Front Page, a list of all the current popular posts on all the Reddit sub-boards. There were thousands of sub-boards on Reddit, so it was considered a really big deal for users to get their posts or pictures to the Front Page.  

“What am I looking at?” she asked.   

He glanced over.

“Oh, here. Scroll down,” he said, and used his finger to scroll down the page. She saw Charlie’s picture.  

“Hey,” she said. “That’s you.”

“Yeah,” he agreed unhappily. 

She shrugged at him, not getting it.   

“So?”

There was a picture of him, obviously from the show that night, because he was wearing the black suit in it, and he was frowning deeply.  The headline to the Reddit article in _/r/advice animals_ said _:  “Charlie White is Not Amused - Caption This!”_  

She snickered.  “You _do_ look pretty mad in the picture.”  

He touched on the link and opened it up.  The picture in the article was a little bigger, and underneath the headline, the poster, _dancer180_ , had written:  

 _Was watching DWTS tonight, when I caught this golden_ e _xpression on Olympic Gold Medal ice dancer Charlie White’s face, just after his show competitor and Olympic ice dancing partner, Meryl White, made out with her boyfriend, professional dancer, Maksim Chmerkovskiy, on stage._

 _U MAD BRO?  I laughed forever, and then I screencapped it, because I knew it would make the perfect macro. Caption away, Redditors!_  

Below it in the comments were scores of the picture, with various captions in white impact lettering. The first one just said, “HE MAD BRO,” but they got increasingly clever as they went along, of course. Damn the Internet! This was the _worst_. 

“I don’t get it,” Sharna continued. “Do people do this a lot?  Take pictures of you and caption them like this?”

“No,” Charlie groaned. “But every once in a while, people will take what they think is a funny picture and turn it into what they call a ‘macro,’ which is a picture with white text over it… _it’s_ …”  He sighed.  It was hard to explain Internet trends to someone who wasn’t on it.  “It’s supposed to be funny.”

Sharna grabbed his phone, scrolling down through some of the replies. She laughed at a few of them. 

“Well, I dunno, I kind of do think it’s pretty funny. I mean—look at you,” she chuckled, grinning. “Look at this one -- ‘Happy Monday? How about NO.’ That’s actually pretty relevant!” She giggled, continuing to scroll down.

Charlie couldn’t smile, though. He was mortified. 

“This makes me look like such an idiot!” He moaned, running his hand through his hair. “I can’t believe they turned me into a _meme_. My friends are never gonna let this go! I’m on the front stinkin' page of _Reddit_.”

“Um, I don’t see what the big deal is?” Sharna shrugged. 

His phone ‘dinged’ and she handed it back to him, just in time to see a text message at the top of his notification screen.   

 **Evan Bates:**   _Nice pic bro!!!  u made 1st page of reddit  HAHAHAHA_  

When he touched the home button, he saw he had 10 text messages.  Most of them were from his family and friends, congratulating him on the scores from the show that night, but there was a text from **Jeremy Abbott** that just said:   _NICE FACE LOLOL_ and another from **Ryan Bradley** that said:   _Mad Charlie White is MAD!  LMAO  :D_

As he was about to click the phone off, a Line message came in from **Alex Shibutani:**   _You’re a meme, dude!  I saw you on Reddit!_

Immediately after, another Line message shot over from **Scott Moir:**   _You have a surprisingly good rage face, White!_  

Another half second later, Charlie got another text from Evan, with the infamous picture, and the caption:   _Go on DWTS they said, it will be fun they said._

“ _Argh_ ,” Charlie groaned, and turned the phone off completely, handing it to Sharna. “I want to die right now.  Can you take this so I can go drown myself in a toilet?”

Sharna put her hand on his shoulder, amused by his dramatics. “Seriously, I don’t get what the big deal is.  So your face is on the Internet.  You’re on television, you’re an Olympian… stuff like this happens.”   

“Yeah, but I look like a _moron_. And, it makes me look jealous, like I was _mad_ about Meryl kissing Maks.” 

Sharna snorted. “Were you?” 

“No!” he said immediately. “That’s ridiculous. I mean—they’re dating, I just was trying to make the point, at the table, that we didn’t do that in our dances, because, it’s just… Well, I mean, Scott and Tessa did it and we thought it was tacky. Not that I think Meryl and Maks are tacky, it was just…”   

He was rambling, and he knew it, but he’d practically shot-gunned his last glass of wine in frustration and now it was going to his head.

“I think someone’s _jealous_ ,” Sharna sing-songed.  She was obviously a little tipsy, too.   

“Listen,” Charlie frowned, “you can’t say anything about this at the table. They’ll find out soon enough, but—I just don’t want it to come up tonight. Tanith and I were arguing this morning, and I don’t want her thinking there’s something weird going on.” 

“Is everything OK, between you?” Shana asked, concerned.  

“Yeah, no… I mean, we’re still fighting about the house thing,” he sighed.

He had already explained everything to Sharna, who had been quite the effective sounding board when it came to his relationship issues.  She listened well, and offered good advice.  And it was easier talking to her about that kind of stuff than talking to Meryl.   

“Ah,” Sharna nodded. “Fine. I promise I’ll keep my mouth shut. But don’t expect to come into practice tomorrow without hearing about it,” she grinned. “Because you know Maks is gonna give you a hard time when he does find out.”   

“Yeah,” Charlie frowned. “Maybe I should just go home and sleep. I already want to die, anyway.”

“Stop being so dramatic,” Sharna said, rolling her eyes **.**  She handed Charlie’s phone back to him.

“Honestly, though, I think I should probably go back to the hotel,” he said, checking his pockets to see if he had his room keycard.  “Can you just let Tanith know that I was tired and left early? I don’t want to bother them.” 

“Sure,” Sharna smiled. 

She pulled him into a hug, and he shut his eyes for a second. He squeezed her tight and let her go.   

“Thank you for everything,” he said warmly, kissing her on the cheek, and snuck out the back door, to avoid the photographers that were waiting to catch everyone as they left.  

 

 


	9. It wasn't because I didn't know enough, I just knew too much

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Charlie recovers from a disaster night, and a surprise visit.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a service announcement: this chapter is NSFW. There is explicit content. If you are not comfortable with the material, please skip this chapter. There will be no further warnings. Also we're in AU territory so don't expect stuff to be 'canon' anymore. (Like it EVER WAS.) 
> 
> Love and kisses to fandrastic for editing this thing in the nick of time. I think I'm gonna drown in tears of happiness (or something, I don't know.) Go Meryl/Maks. Um.
> 
> ===

**DWTS Studios, Los Angeles, CA  - 5-13-14**

Charlie came into the studio early that morning, hoping to avoid everyone except Sharna, who had agreed to meet him there early, after he’d texted her at 2:30 a.m. the night before, awake with insomnia.  She was still a half hour late, but he couldn’t blame her, given that she’d stayed out later than he had last night.  He vowed to avoid alcohol for a while.  Last night had been a disaster on a number of levels.  He hadn’t spoken to Tanith since they’d been at the restaurant last night, since she came in after him and he left before she woke up.  

Charlie wanted to get right into practice, especially since, at the end of the show last night, they had been assigned their judges’ choice dances.  Len had chosen the _rumba_ for Charlie in the finals, of course.  Sharna had worked with him a lot during the cha-cha on his hip action, but he was determined to make it right for the finals.  He wanted, more than ever, to prove that he could _win_ this thing.  

“Good morning, Charlie,” Sharna said, slumped over, as she came into the studio.  “It is way too early, just so you know.”  

“I know,” Charlie said, taking the coffee cup that she held out to him.  “You’re a saint, you know.”   

“Thanks, darlin’,” Sharna said, giving his side a squeeze.  “You make it worth waking up -- with the _world’s worst hangover._ ”  She grimaced.  “Speaking of which, how are you doing?” 

Charlie shrugged with a grin.  “Probably better than you, I suppose.”   

“I see how it is,” she said.  “Since you’re so eager, then, let’s get started.” 

===

It was ten o’clock when Claire, Conrad Green’s production assistant, stepped into their studio.  “Mr. Green would like to see you,” she said. 

Charlie looked at Sharna.  He remembered that Meryl had taken Maks with her last time.  “Do you want to come with?” he asked Sharna.  She nodded, so the two of them followed Claire to Conrad’s office, where he was waiting for them when they came in.   

“Take a seat,” Conrad said, gesturing to the modern, but plush leather seats in front of his desk.  He waited until they sat down, and then slid a short stack of paper across the desk.  “It appears you’ve become quite the internet celebrity,” Conrad said with a small smile.

“Unintentionally, but yes,” Charlie said, making a face.   

“This is good, though --- conflict and amusement keeps people interested.  Have you ever heard the latin phrase, _panem et circenses?_ ” 

It sounded familiar, but Charlie couldn’t place it.  He wished Meryl was here; she would probably know.   

“Bread and Circuses,” Sharna spoke up.  “It was a philosophy in Ancient Rome that if you kept the masses fed with superficial purpose - bread and circuses -- that they would not rebel.  It was also the inspiration for Suzanne Collins' ‘Panem’ in her novel and then movie series, _The Hunger Games._ ” 

Conrad made a face, obviously impressed.   

“Very true, on both counts.  This is real life, though, not a movie, and a lot of advertising dollars are at stake.  My point is that, regardless of whether you intended it or not, Charlie, the publicity from last week has been _fantastic_ for the show.” 

Charlie laughed nervously, and looked down at the packet of paper that Conrad had printed out.  The top page was a print-out from the website _Buzzfeed_.  It was an article titled:   _Top_ _Ten Faces Charlie White Has Made on Dancing With The Stars._  

He flipped through the stack, briefly, noting a few examples of the dreaded meme that had started last night, along with a few other pictures that he didn’t even care to look at...  He handed the packet back to Conrad.  

Conrad continued, “I just wanted to let you know -- that you’re doing an amazing job, and we really appreciate it.  With any luck, we'll increase our exposure on the 18-34 male demographic, which is something we've always worked for."

Charlie didn’t know what to say.  He thought he was being called in here to be chastised, but that did not appear to be the case at all.  Whatever he was doing, he was apparently doing it _right_ , at the sake of his own dignity. 

“Um, OK?” he said, unsure.  He wondered if he should stand up.  “Was there anything else?” 

“No, no,” Conrad said, dismissing them from the room with a wave of his hand. 

“Was that weird?” Charlie asked Sharna as they walked back towards the practice studio.   

“I’m pretty new to this show, but yeah.  I dunno. The producers on these reality shows can be pretty odd sometimes.”  Prior to this, she had briefly worked on a reality series down in Australia, her native country.  She was no stranger to the nature of television and ratings. 

“I kind of thought we were going to get yelled at, right?” Charlie whispered. 

“Yeah, well, be glad, I guess,” she chuckled, pulling off her sweatshirt.  “Let’s get to work.”

 

 **Crowne Plaza Hotel, Portland, OR - 5-20-14**  

Charlie collapsed in his bed at the hotel.  It was close to 11 p.m., now.  They had one more _Stars on Ice_ show left, in Seattle tomorrow.  Sharna and Maks had left for Seattle earlier today.  Charlie and Meryl were headed up with the ice team tomorrow morning on the tour buses, but for now, Charlie just wanted _sleep_.   He lay on the bed, and looked up at the ceiling, willing sleep to come.  No matter how hard he tried, though, he couldn’t.  He had the rumba caught in his head.  It was haunting him like a nightmare.    

Putting on his glasses, he grabbed his phone and opened up the music player, scrolling down to _Team_ , by Lorde, the song they were dancing the rumba to.  He rolled out of bed, and stood up, starting to go through the steps.   Once he’d finished, he did it again.  And again.  He was on about the fifth run-through when he heard a knock on his door.   

“Hang on,” he called out, pulling on a pair of gym shorts.  

He opened the door, the chain catching.  It took him a second before his eyes focused, and he realized it was Meryl standing in front of the door.   

“Hi,” he said, surprised to see her.   

Things between them had been all right, but since the hospital, they had purposefully avoided addressing the _thing_ between them.   Charlie hadn’t noticed that anything changed for better or worse between Meryl and Maks that week, and Charlie and Tanith, well, he didn’t even want to figure out the _house_ thing until after the two shows were completely done, and had told Tanith as much.  That all being said, Charlie didn’t know _where_ he really stood with Meryl.   

“Hi,” she murmured, a shy smile on her face.   

She had on a pair of tiny cotton shorts and a thin, almost sheer tank top: her sleeping clothes.  He could tell she wasn’t wearing a bra. Charlie felt like his heart was slamming against his chest.   

“Um, hold on,” he mumbled, and quickly shut the door to take the chain off.  He opened it all the way to let her in, closing the door after them.  She stood there for a moment, her eyes flitting between his face and his chest, and it was that moment that he realized he hadn’t put a shirt on.   _Crap_. 

“I, uh --” he started to say, but she cut him off, pushing him up against the wall, and silencing him with her lips, which pressed against his roughly.

 _Oh. Fuck._  

 _He hadn’t expected this._  

His lips and body reacted automatically, hands moving up to her face, his hips grinding against hers as her arms wrapped around his neck, to pull him tighter to her.  Meryl’s tongue danced against his teeth until he opened up his mouth to her.  Charlie felt himself becoming turned on at near lightning speed, as their tongues fought for position.  He had imagined this so, so many times, and still couldn’t have dreamed that their first kiss would feel like _this._  

He pressed his hand against her chest to break away for a second, needing to catch his breath.   His chest heaved as he stared at her dark, fat pupils; her swollen lips open to his. She stared back at him, neither saying a word.   

And just like that, he was sucked into her, grabbing her by the upper arms as he pushed her up against the opposite wall, his face tilting to the side as he went in to kiss her again.  Charlie heard Meryl moan against his mouth, and he ground his hips into her again, his arousal pressing into her stomach.  God, how long had he imagined what it would feel like to kiss her, to touch her?  He had been going so crazy, imagining what Maks was doing to her every given opportunity, and now, _now_ \-- 

His hand slid up the side of her torso to touch her breast, over her shirt.  He palmed it, feeling her nipple harden against his touch, and he growled under his breath instinctively. 

Meryl grabbed the sides of his head, her fingers pushing through his hair, and moved her mouth to his jawline, where she started kissing and sucking on it.  He moaned loudly on response, her tongue running up and down on the underside of his jaw, rough with stubble.   

“Fuck,” he murmured, his other hand sliding downward to grab onto the curve of her ass.   He squeezed, causing her to squeak in delight, which made him thrust up against her again.  

 _God, he wanted her so, so badly._  

“Meryl,” he gasped, forcing himself to look down at her again.  He felt like he couldn’t catch his breath.  She was absolutely mesmerizing, and her gaze was so intense; she had never looked at him with that kind of purpose.  “What are...?” he barely managed to get out, before she grabbed his hand and pulled him over to the bed.   

He fell onto it in surprise, and looked up at her, his eyes unable to focus properly.  She had her arms crisscrossed, holding the bottom of her shirt as she looked at him questioningly, her mouth turned up in a half-smile.   

Charlie bit his lip, and breathed out heavily for a second, before he could finally speak.  He licked his lips.  “Please,” he croaked, and it was all she needed before she quickly stripped off her shirt, standing before him, completely exposed. 

It was the first time he had ever seen them, but her breasts had to be the most beautiful things he’d ever seen.  They were smaller than Tanith’s, to be sure, but she had the most perfect, dark pink nipples -- and in that moment, the only thing he wanted was for them to be in his mouth.  He immediately leaned forward, pressing his lips against one, then the other.  Charlie knew he was doing something right when he heard the sharp intake of breath, and then a loud squeal as he closed his lips, sucking hard, using his tongue to flit over the surface of the nipple.  She bucked roughly underneath him. 

Her head rolled back as he continued working, gasps leaking out as he continued his ministrations.   

“ _Charlie_ ,” she breathed, moaning again.   

Something about hearing his name set him off, and he flipped her back onto the bed, pressing his mouth and whole body against hers.  He could feel her hard nipples, wet from his saliva, pressing against his own bare chest, and he rolled his hips against hers in response.   

“God, you’re so beautiful,” he praised softly, as he moved to kiss her along her jaw.  He wanted to touch and kiss every part of her body, if she’d let him.  He didn’t know where this was going, but he vowed to appreciate every second of it.  

“I want to … feel all of you,” she whispered, rotating her own hips as she ground up against him.  He didn’t think he could be any more aroused than he was in that moment.   

“God, Meryl… I want… every part of you, I, I—”  He swallowed, still feeling breathless that she was in his bed, her bare chest pressing up against his, and she was asking, now, to have _all of him._ He could barely process what was going on.   

"I want... Can you put your mouth on me?  Down there?" she asked shyly. 

Charlie felt like his body had just caught fire.  She wanted him to do _that?_

"Anything," he choked out, his voice hoarse with want.   

He moved down, stopping to cover her breast with his mouth again.  He loved the feel of her nipple rolling around his tongue, and the way she bucked up at his touch.  Her little noises of pleasure were absolutely mesmerizing.  His head felt like lead, weighted with emotion.   

Charlie lazily ran his mouth down her stomach, feeling her muscles tighten under his contract.  He carefully rolled down the waist of her shorts, realizing she didn't have anything on under them.   _God_.

He wondered if she had planned it all along; coming over here to seduce him.  The thought made his cock twitch.   _Fuck._ He was going to be ruined by this new Meryl.  

He looked at up her, staring down at him with hooded eyes, her cheeks flush with arousal.  "You are literally ... the most beautiful thing I have ever seen," he gasped. 

"Charlie..." she breathed out, and it was all the motivation he needed to remove the remaining garment, leaving him to stare in awe, her legs spread open before him.  She was so wet, she practically glistened, and it took him everything he had not to immediately devour her whole.  He wanted to take it slow; enjoy the feel and taste and scent of her...  He wanted to know _everything_ about her.  Everything he had imagined for almost fifteen years but was convinced he'd never find out...

Charlie moved to kiss her thigh, and felt his glasses press against his face.  He scowled, and yanked them off in frustration, throwing them onto the nightstand so he could continue.   

Up close, the skin of her inner thigh was even softer than he had imagined, and he ran his lower lip over one side, then the other, coming closer to the curve that led into her center.  She thrust against his mouth, her little moans and squeaks becoming increasingly desperate as she longed for contact.  It was everything she could do not to devour her, right there.  She was almost completely smooth, save for a dark strip of hair that sat at the top of her pelvic bone. He had always wondered if she waxed, what she would look like, and seeing it now, so smooth and perfect and open, for _him..._  

He hovered over her, breathing deeply, taking it all in.  She bucked against him, then, impatient, and his nose pressed against her, making her gasp at the contact.  He decided he'd waited long enough, and ran his tongue against her center, lapping in long, rough strokes.  The moan that came out of her was loud and long, and he groaned in response, kneeling down to press himself against her leg.  The contact of his cock against her skin nearly came him come.  He willed himself to hold out, concentrating on the feel of his tongue against her.  Charlie drew back slightly, allowing just the tip of his tongue to explore her clit.  She thrust up wildly, now, her squeals louder than ever.   He had never been so turned on in his life and he had to force himself not to think about it. 

He pressed his lips against her clit, sucking on it while he vibrated it with his lips.   Her breathing became quicker.  He wondered if she was close, so he kept doing that, fascinated as she watched her reach up to her right breast and pinch her nipple.   

"Fuck, fuck," she murmured, over and over again. 

The breathy cursing was going to ruin him, he was sure.  He needed to feel inside her.  With his right hand, he carefully dipped his middle finger inside her.    _She was dripping wet.  Fuck._  

"Oh!" she gasped out loud, and with the next stroke, he added another.  She gasped again, and he almost wanted to cry from happiness.   

She was so fucking amazing.  He drew his mouth back from her slightly, panting.  

"Do you like that?" He growled under his breath.   

"Yes," she gasped. "Fuck.  You ... Charlie..." 

He chuckled, then, pressing his lips back onto her clit.  She cried out again, which made him pump his fingers faster.  His tongue pressed and danced against her as her cries grew louder and more frenzied.  He had no idea she would be so loud.  It was making him _insane_ , and he pressed himself against her leg again, thrusting.  There was nothing more he wanted than to be completely inside her.  He growled loudly as her hips lifted up in the air. 

"Oh— _oh_!" she moaned, her eyes squeezing shut, her one hand desperately clutching her breast, her other grasping the curls in his hair like a life line. 

"Meryl...." he sighed, as she let out a huge gasp, and collapsed back against the bed.

 She pushed his head back, then, spent; gasping for breath.  He propped himself up on his elbow, grinning at her as she smiled back at him, her lips swollen, and cheeks flushed with pleasure. 

"Was that OK?" he asked with a smirk. 

She was still trying to catch her breath, and could only nod in acquiescence.   

"I want to kiss you again," he murmured, sliding up her body, sticky with sweat, to press his lips against hers.   

"Do you want me, to, um..."  She trailed off, studying him expectantly as he broke off the kiss.  She could still feel the hard length of his arousal pressed against her skin, and she pulsated with desire, still. 

"Um.  Can we, um...?" He nodded downward bashfully, not sure how to ask.  Even now, they were still awkward. 

She swallowed with understanding, her pupils full and dark as she stared at him.   

"Do you have a condom?" She whispered.   

Even though he had just gone down on her, she was still a little scared at the thought of them actually having _sex_.  Would it change things between them?   

She couldn't imagine any more than it already _had_ , at this point.  His fingers had already been inside her, and he’d tasted her with his mouth.   

She squirmed beneath him, which jolted him out of his trance. 

"Oh," he breathed.  "Um, yeah, I'm sure, hold on."  His voice cracked as he practically jumped off the bed.  She couldn't help but giggle as she watched his arousal bounce up and done as he moved. 

He bent over his suitcase, looking back at her as he opened it.  "What's so funny?" he asked. 

"Nothing, just--" She shook her head, knowing it was too silly to explain.  She felt positively giddy; and giggled again.  

"What?" he asked, coming back towards the bed with a foil packet in his hand.

She bit her lip, looking down at him, his cock standing out in front of him, still fully erect.  He breathed out, then, seeing her watching him, and stepped closer, handing her the packet.   

His breath was shaky as he said, "You want to do the honors?" 

She smiled, wide, and licked her lips again.  "Sure," she smiled. 

It slid on quickly, and as soon as she'd pinched the tip, adjusting it for room, he practically jumped atop her, settling between her thighs. 

"Excited much?" she giggled nervously. 

"You could say that," he breathed, carefully moving to press himself into her.   

She groaned at the pinch of pain.  The beginning of sex had always been hard for her, especially because she was so petite.  It had been especially hard with Maks because he was just so big, all around.  So much, that she'd often be sore for a day afterward.  They couldn't do it two days in a row, usually.  Charlie wasn't huge, but he was wider than she expected, and he filled her quickly, only halfway in.   

"Are you ok?" he asked, concerned.  "Do you want me to stop?"   

"No," she breathed.  "Don't stop.  Just move... slowly.  It feels good.  Just tight."

Charlie let out a ragged breath.   

"Yeah," he rasped, "You're so tight, Mer.  You feel... so, _so_ good."

"I love you," Meryl whispered, and a pained look came across Charlie's face.  She saw his eyes start to get wet, which immediately brought tears to her own eyes. 

"I love you, too," he sighed deeply, pushing the rest of the way into her.  She gasped loudly, and he leaned down, pressing his mouth against hers, his tongue dancing around inside her mouth.   

 _He was inside her._  So many times she had imagined it, and now it was.  And it felt so, so right.  Her heart felt like it was fighting to escape her chest.  She had never felt this way with _anyone_ ; not with Maks, and certainly not with Fedor.  She wondered if Charlie felt the same way.  Their mouths parted, and she stared at him for a long time as he gently rocked against her.   

"I could do this forever," she murmured, her emotions forcing the confession out of her. 

Charlie bit his lip, squeezing his eyes shut, the tears pressing through his eyelashes.  He thrust quickly into her, then, groaning loudly as he reached his release.  He collapsed against her, breathing heavily against her shoulder, the tears from his face wetting her skin.  She let him lie like that for a moment, catching his breath, before she lightly pushed at him to make him move.  He slid out of her, turning over so he could remove the condom and tie it off.  She watched him as he got up and dropped it in the garbage can.   

She realized she really liked looking at him.  Of course, he had always been nice to look at, but there was something about seeing him, fully, exposed, after they'd just shared themselves with each other.  The thought of the intimacy made her blush.  It was something she had never imagined getting to share with him.  And yet, here she was.

He eyed her with a bashful expression as he stepped back into the bed, and sat up.  He pulled the sheets over his lap.

"What," Meryl smirked.  "You embarrassed now?" 

"I dunno," he grinned, reaching over for his discarded glasses so he could look at her clearly again.  He slid them on.  "Maybe."

"OK, dork," she teased, grinning back. 

He gently touched the underside of her breast, poking at it.  "You don't want to cover up?" 

She smiled mischievously, her eyes sparkling.  "No, why?"

He shook his head, chucking.  "It's just a little distracting, is all." 

"Maybe I like being distracting," she said, winking at him.  

The grin broke out on her face again.  She couldn't help it.  She hadn't felt this good in ... forever.  It was like a dam had broken and she couldn't contain herself anymore.   

"OK," he said, still grinning at her.  Her happiness was contagious and he felt better than he had in weeks, like a huge weight had come off his shoulders. 

They sat like that for a few moments, his fingers interlaced with hers, glancing over at each other occasionally, and giggling.  

"We should probably try to get some sleep," he said finally.  "We have to leave early tomorrow, and it's going to be a long day."

"Yeah," she sighed.

"Did you ... want to sleep here?" He asked.  Somehow he felt more shy asking that than he had about everything else earlier.  It signified something, he knew, but wasn't ready to talk about it yet. 

"OK," she whispered.  She settled down on the bed next to him, resting her head against his chest.  After a long moment, she said, "Charlie?" 

"Yeah?" 

"Are we... going to be OK?" 

He knew it was a multi-tiered question; that sought answers on several levels.  He wasn't ready to answer her fully, yet, because he _didn't_ know how long it would take, but he knew what the final answer was.  "Yeah," he said, simply, reaching his hand up to stroke her hair. 

As if she knew what he was thinking, though, she said, "When?" 

He sighed, his breath shaky.  "I don't know," he said honestly.  "It's ... not that easy." 

"I know that," she frowned, "but ..." She stopped, taking several deep breaths.  "We'll talk about it more later," she finally said, reaching her hand up to stroke his jaw.  After that, she turned over to her other side to go to sleep.

Charlie felt like someone had just punched him in the stomach.

===

 


	10. And the story goes on

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Charlie has some time to think about the events that transpired the night before.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was gonna wait till I was done with Chapter Eleven, but I'm almost done, so I'm gonna post this and hope for the best. fandrastic continues to be the beta from heaven, but she's making her own legend with _heart it races_ , and if you haven't read that yet, what hole are you living in?
> 
> Comments will be polished and displayed on high. I have no idea what that means. I just like it when you guys tell me things.
> 
> ===

**Crowne Plaza Hotel, Portland, OR – 5-18-14**  

Charlie woke up the next morning to the sound of pounding on his hotel door.  He blearily looked at the alarm clock.  6:15 a.m.

 _Fuck_.    They were supposed to be leaving at six.

He jumped out of bed, threw on a pair of shorts, and ran to the door, praying it wasn’t one of the coaches on the other side.  He checked the peephole to be sure.  It was Jeremy. 

 _Thank God_.

Charlie opened the door just as Jeremy was about to bang on it again, his fist suspended mid-air.

“Hey!” Charlie grimaced, trying to not look panicked.  “Tell everyone I’m _so_ sorry and I’ll be down in five.”

Jeremy looked him up and down, his hair sticking up in all directions, shirtless, and grinned in response.  

“Can I _help_ you with anything?” he asked with a wink.

It was a joke between them that if ( _when_ , Jeremy always said) Charlie came out as gay, Jeremy would be his first.  

Charlie rolled his eyes. 

“Put your dick back in your pants, pervert.  I’ll see you downstairs.”

“Wow, so feisty in the morning!” Jeremy chuckled.  “Can I grab you a coffee for the bus?”

“You expecting something in return?” Charlie asked, raising an eyebrow. 

“Only your love, Char.  Only your _love_.”

Charlie shook his head. “I gotta get ready, dude,” he sighed.  “But coffee would be amazing.” 

Jeremy grinned at him again, and licking his finger, he ran it down Charlie’s chest. 

“See ya on the bus!” he sang out, and took off running down the hall. 

 _Man, that kid has a lot of energy for the morning_ , Charlie thought.  He wondered if _he’d_ gotten laid last night, too.

===

When Charlie arrived on the bus within eight minutes (OK, he had to fix his hair a _little_ bit), Jeremy was waving for him at the back.  As he climbed on, everyone seatedlooked at him.  It looked like all the girls had taken the other bus, Charlie realized with disappointment. 

“You heard of a thing called an alarm?” Ryan called out to him as he passed.

“Dude, I shut it off on accident!” Charlie groaned, shooting a middle finger at him. 

“Everybody on board?” the driver called out.  The jumps coach made the count and confirmed they were ready to go.  

Charlie shoved his large bag on the overhead luggage rack, then slid in next to Jeremy, who was holding out a cup of Starbucks for him, as promised. 

“Ah, you’re a sweetheart,” Charlie smiled, taking the drink gratefully.

“That’s what all the guys say,” Jeremy smirked, taking a sip from his own cup. 

Charlie slid his backpack under the seat in front of him and turned to his friend.  “So, why are you so chipper this morning?  You get laid last night?”

“Wouldn’t _you_ like to know?” Jeremy said, with a sly grin.  “Why, did you?”

“ _What_?” Charlie frowned, the blood suddenly rushing to his cheeks.  

_God, no one had seen Meryl leaving his room this morning, had they?  He would be so fucked.  Fuck._

The fact of the matter was, he had never cheated on his girlfriend.  Or any girlfriend, for that matter.  He just wasn’t that kind of guy.  And now that the morning had settled upon him and Meryl wasn’t with him anymore, the reality of what had actually happened was sinking in. 

_Please let him be joking._

“Dude, kidding!  We know you’re practically married to Tanith, jeez,” Jeremy commented.  “And if you must know, _yes,_ I got laid.”

“What the—?  Dude.  How do you even _meet_ people when you’re in town for one night?” Charlie asked, baffled. 

Jeremy never seemed to have a problem finding a hook-up wherever they were.  Charlie wasn’t sure if it was all Jeremy’s personality or something he didn’t get about the gay dating scene.

Jeremy grinned, biting his lip.  “Usually Grindr, but last night, this total hottie passed me his number at the Meet-and-Greet, so we _met up_ last night.  If ya know what I mean…!”

“Oh, my God,” Charlie moaned.  “I will never understand you and your randos.  I cannot do one-night stands.”

As soon as he said the words, they hit him, and he felt like a huge weight had crashed down onto his chest.  Charlie forced himself to breathe.  _What he and Meryl did wasn’t a one-night stand._

He had _known_ it was more than that, but there was still the matter of him having a serious girlfriend.  And Meryl having a boyfriend.  And right now, he didn’t know _what_ he was going to do about that.  He was still _so_ confused, and the only thing he wanted to do was talk to Meryl.  He needed to know what was going on.

As if on cue, his phone dinged. 

**Meryl:** _Sorry about leaving early this morning.  I didn’t want to get you in trouble._

He frowned, trying to decide how to respond. 

“Who’s that?” Jeremy asked, leaning over, but Charlie quickly closed the window. 

“Uh, Tanith,” he lied, standing up.  “I have to get back to her.”

Jeremy waved his hand at him dismissively.  “Fine, fine – go do your sexting in the bathroom, then. “  He shook his head.  “You straight guys are so uptight,” he muttered to himself as Charlie practically ran to the bathroom.

As soon as he’d closed himself in, he started typing:

_It’s OK.  I slept late, though.  It looks like you guys left without us._

He decided not to mention Jeremy’s comments.  Charlie sat on the cold metal toilet seat, hunched over, waiting for her response.  Almost a minute later, the phone dinged again.

**Meryl:** _Yeah._

What the hell?  That was it?  He waited a few more seconds to see if she was going to say anything else, but nothing happened.  Frustrated, he punched out a response.

_I wanted to talk to you this morning.  About last night._

There was another excruciatingly long moment before her answer came back.

**Meryl:** _I thought you could use some time to think on your own.  Also, I don’t want to talk on the bus, with everyone around._

He felt the pressure building up in his chest again as he re-read the text.  _He needed time to think on his own?_ He wondered what she meant by that.  _Think about Tanith?_ He wondered.  _Think about him and Meryl?  Think about what their future was going to be?_

Charlie felt some relief in the fact that she did want to talk, though.  He was afraid she was going to avoid it altogether.  He thought maybe she was still mad at him for the last thing he’d said last night:  _It’s not that easy._

It wasn’t, though.  He and Tanith had been together for almost five years.  They planned on buying a house together.  The last thing he expected to happen was _him and Meryl._    Charlie had put _that_ out of his mind years ago. 

 

**Cup of Russia, Moscow, Russia – 11-23-08**

Charlie woke up the next morning with Meryl’s arm draped across his stomach.  He glanced at the alarm clock and saw it wasn’t quite 5 a.m. yet.  He turned his head back to look at her, her long hair spread out across the pillow, her eyes fluttering as she slept, lips slightly parted.  He was suddenly overcome by a desire to touch his lips to hers.  He had never kissed her before, not really. 

There had been a few stupid pecks at parties, thanks to Spin-the-Bottle and idiots like Scott Moir who thought it was funny to make the girls uncomfortable.  One time, Charlie got Scott, and kissed him full on the lips.  They didn’t play Spin-the-Bottle after that.

It wasn’t like he hadn’t thought about kissing Meryl before.  After all, he’d been partners with Meryl for a long time, including the entirety of his teenage years, when hormones raged wildly and unpredictably.   He woke up for weeks on end with wet sheets after dreaming about Meryl, especially during that awkward period when she had first started developing, but wasn’t wearing a bra yet.  He tried not to think about it too much, though, because thinking about it meant he lost his concentration, and they couldn’t afford that.

Like during yesterday’s OD, where he had fallen _three_ times during the routine.  Even when they were first learning a new routine, he didn’t tend to stumble that much.

Of course, the week prior to the competition had been awful.   He had almost failed a statistics test, and had a Comparative Religions paper that his TA had given him back to re-write and turn in for a better grade.  He wasn’t sure why he was struggling so much in school that semester.  In general, school had always been easy for him – it was Meryl who usually had trouble due to her dyslexia, and she worked especially hard to get good grades.  Maybe the fact that he felt like college would be easy was hurting him.  Plus, it was true that he probably wasn’t spending enough time studying – the statistics test had proven that to him.  They just didn’t have time, though, with all the extra training Igor had them doing since moving up to Seniors.  This competition was going to be a big deal, Igor had stressed.  The Russians had ruled the ice dancing world for years, but Igor thought their American teams had a chance to prove themselves as up-and-comers.

Yesterday managed to set them back at least three steps.  And the worst part wasn’t having to deal with Igor (though he wasn’t looking forward to that conversation today), it was the disappointment he knew Meryl felt. 

He had come to admit that he was developing “more than friend” feelings for her.  They weren’t kids anymore, and he knew it wasn’t just a physical attraction.  If he wanted to hook up, he knew plenty of girls who he could have taken up with (and did, every once in a while, to be honest).  The problem was that he wasn’t a serial dater, he was a _relationship_ guy, and right now, he could only think about Meryl.

One thing he did know, however, was how romantic relationships killed ice partnerships, and that was the last thing he wanted; was to lose Meryl.  She stirred in her sleep, turning slightly to face him.  Her lips pursed as she smacked them in her slumber.  He wondered if she was dreaming; what her dreams were about.  But more so, he couldn’t take his eyes off her lips, soft and wide, open before him.  Before he could stop himself, he leaned down and pressed them against hers, gently. 

Her eyes fluttered rapidly and he turned over, feigning sleep.  Several moments later, she woke up, yawning loudly. 

“Oh,” she said, sounding sleepy and surprised.  “I forgot I stayed over.”  She sat up quickly, causing Charlie to turn back towards her. 

He yawned, pretending she had woken him up.  He wondered if she was awake during the kiss.

“Hi,” he murmured softly.

She smiled brightly, running her hand through the curls on the top of his head.  “Hey.  How are you?” she asked, concerned.

He nodded.  “Okay.  I feel a lot better.  I slept well – I think.”

Meryl nodded as well.  “We should probably get some breakfast before practice – you know Igor’s gonna drill us especially hard today.”

“Yeah,” Charlie grimaced.  “I know.” 

“I’m going to go take a shower in my room then I’ll meet you back here in twenty, OK?”

“Yeah,” Charlie replied. 

He yawned again.  Despite the sleep, it was still early, and their bodies were still partially on Michigan time.  No matter how much they traveled, it was difficult to adjust anytime you went halfway across the world. 

When she left, he turned over to her side of the bed.  It smelled like her, like the shampoo she used --- some expensive salon brand she’d nearly had a conniption about losing when her luggage was misplaced last year in Denver.  She’d made him drive her to a salon downtown so she could buy a replacement.  He didn’t understand why it was so important, but he did know that it made her hair smell amazing.  And now the scent was buried in the pillow she’d slept on.  He laid on top of it, breathing in slowly, imagining what it might have been like if she’d been able to kiss him back, hold onto him while they rocked against each other…

He chastised himself.  He had just gotten over a horrible program the day before.  Was he trying to sabotage their performance again?  He needed to focus. 

Just to be sure, when he got into the shower, he made sure to keep the tap on cold, and was in and out in record time.  He needed to get over Meryl, he vowed.  If their partnership was going to work, he needed to figure out how to divorce himself from his attraction to her. 

What they had was too important.

 

**En-Route to Seattle, WA – 5-18-14**

When he finally emerged from the bus restroom, he found Jason waiting outside the door, giving him an odd look.  Charlie wondered how long he’d been waiting there. 

“Uh, I was just … I had to make a private call,” Charlie said quickly, ducking behind the curtain into the back of the bus where they had several bunk beds set up.  It was probably the best thing about the tour buses, as he and Meryl both used the beds almost every time they traveled, being that they barely managed to sleep at night. 

Last night had been no exception.

He laid down on one of the beds, looking at his phone again, pondering Meryl’s last text, particularly the first part:  _I thought you could use some time to think on your own._

He wondered if she assumed he was having second thoughts. 

It wasn’t that he regretted Meryl coming to his room (after all, _she_ came to _him_ ), it was more that he didn’t know where to go from here.  He really needed to know what Meryl was thinking.  Did she really want to _do_ this?  Because it wasn’t going to be easy for either of them.  Or was she just trying to let him know how she felt?  Did she want this to be a long term thing?

Tanith crossed his mind again.  The last time he’d seen her in person was the day before last.  She had to head back to Michigan for a few days to close out business at the skating rink, and pick up paperwork and bills that they’d missed since being gone.    She told him she was taking the job in California and still wanted them both to move there.  But Charlie stood firm on the house issue.  He didn’t want to buy in California.  He still wanted to finish school in Michigan, and thought that should be their home base, not California.     

In the past, Charlie hadn’t considered himself a stubborn person, but one thing he _was_ proud of was being from Michigan.  He loved his home state and the area he lived in, and he always pictured raising kids there, sending them off to skate camps and hockey, and teaching them how to cross-country ski and snowshoe, and ice fish…  there was so much he loved about winters up there that they’d never get living in California.  Plus, it was expensive to live in California – it wasn’t like he was employable yet, not if he planned on going to law school. 

He could always get a lucrative coaching position in California, but that wasn’t the point.  Charlie didn’t want to settle in an area he wasn’t happy with starting a family in.  It’s not that he was ready to have kids yet (after all, he wasn’t even engaged, let alone _married_ ), but that was only a matter of time, and buying a house wasn’t a short-term decision.  The house he bought was the house he imagined having their first child in. 

The more he talked to Tanith about it, the less he saw her in that house with him.

The solution was starting to take shape:  perhaps he and Tanith had grown apart. 

Still, it was hard to imagine breaking up with her.  She’d been so much a part of his life for the last five years.

Even before they were dating, he had always looked up to her.  He’d been harboring a crush on her for years, since she initially trained at Arctic Ice before switching to a club out east.  She knew all the same people he knew.  He wondered if their break-up would cause people to take sides.  And what if they broke up, and Meryl decided she just wanted to be with Maks instead?  What if she decided it wasn’t worth the trouble? 

Thoughts and doubts continued to plague him as he tossed and turned on the thin bed cot.   Eventually, he pulled his phone out of his pocket and stuck his earbuds in, turning on some music. 

Music always helped him relax.  A classical piece by Handel came on, and his mind opened up a little.  He remembered what Meryl had told him when he was stressing out about the fight with Tanith. 

“Just pray, and let it go,” she had had.  He had almost forgotten about that.

After what he had done last night, he probably _needed_ a little forgiveness.  What a rotten person he was, dating one girl and fucking another; unable to fully commit to either one. 

He felt his stomach churn in repulsion, and he took a deep breath, closing his eyes. 

 _OK, God,_ he thought.  _What am I supposed to do here?  I love Tanith, and we’ve had a lot of years together.  But I feel like we’re going in different directions.   I love Meryl, too, but I don’t know if it’s the right thing to do.  I guess I didn’t feel that bad about being with her last night, even though I should have.   I know Tanith didn’t do anything to deserve that from me.  If anything, she should break up with me.  But … what if I’m wrong and Meryl isn’t sure?  What if she really loves Maks?_

_We were both in the wrong last night – and I should have stopped Meryl, but I didn’t – I couldn’t._

_What am I supposed to do?  I feel like I should tell Tanith.  And if she breaks up with me, I know I deserve it.  But wouldn’t I just be getting what I wanted, then?  Long story short, I’m a shitty person who needs some help right now.  I just want to do the right thing.  Please.  Please.  Forgive me for everything I’ve done wrong.  Help me figure out where to go from here._

He sighed again out loud, running his hands through his hair before settling them behind his head.  He opened his eyes, looking up at the metal frame above him.  He didn’t feel any better about what had happened, and still didn’t feel any less confused.  He wondered if that’s how it was supposed to be. 

That was when the song changed, and the opening notes of _Scheherazade_ spun through his ears.

===


	11. I feel we're close enough, could I lock in your love?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Charlie and Meryl need to talk about what happened.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OK, finally we're moving along. Almost there, folks, can you believe it? I keep adding chapters because apparently I just LOVE writing (hahaha - sarcastic laugh - this will never end). No, seriously, I am planning on wrapping this up, I promise. Hang in there. 
> 
> And thanks again to [fandrastic](http://archiveofourown.org/users/fandrastic/pseuds/fandrastic) who helped me finish out this chapter with a lot more eloquence than I could come up with. Finally ---- thank you for all the support and comments. You guys are unbelievable and so, so kind. You make my life right now.
> 
> ===

**Velocity Dance Center, Seattle WA – 5-18-14**

Charlie didn’t get to talk to Meryl right away, as they went straight into dance rehearsal once arriving in Seattle.  Charlie and Sharna were rehearsing their freestyle and rumba again, and before she went back to L.A. that afternoon, he also had to work with Meryl and Sharna on their short dance they were doing together. Charlie was ecstatic about the fact that he was _finally_ getting a chance to do an off-ice dance with Meryl. It was only about a minute long, as they were using it for what they called a “commercial bumper.”  Still, it would be neat to finally show the _Dancing With the Stars_ fans what they could do together, after being together for seventeen years on the ice.

Right now, Charlie was desperately trying to emulate the hip action that Sharna was demonstrating.  He felt like he’d been working on it all season, from the cha-cha to the group samba, to the Paso Doble, and no matter how hard he tried, he still couldn’t get it right. 

“ _Again_ ,” Sharna said, rolling her hips in what looked like an effortless move. 

“I get it in my _head_ ,” Charlie groaned, pointing at his temple, “but my body doesn’t want to have anything to do with it.”

“Hm,” Sharna said, stopping for a second. “Maybe we need to think about it differently.”  She glided over to Charlie and put her hands on his hips.  “OK, I know this is gonna sound weird, but go with me.  Close your eyes.”

Charlie did as she said.

“Now, think about sex.”  

Charlie immediately started blushing, “Um, _what_?” 

“Not with _me_ , of course,” Sharna giggled. “Keep your eyes closed, and imagine Tanith.”

_Tanith, right._  

“OK,” Charlie said, trying to put the image in his head, but his mind kept coming back to Meryl.  His face felt like it was on fire now. 

“Now, imagine your hips – rolling into hers, back, and forth – around, and around –“ Her hands mimicked the motion, and for a few seconds, he forgot it was Sharna holding him and he allowed himself to let go, remembering Meryl’s tiny body underneath his, as he rolled against her…

“Wow!” Sharna exclaimed after a few seconds. 

It broke him out of his thoughts, and his rhythm. He stopped abruptly, and swallowed hard.

Sharna’s face lit up. 

“That was the best I’ve ever seen you do!  I guess mental imagery really works for you, huh?”

Charlie laughed nervously. 

“Heh, yeah, I guess it does,” he responded, willing himself to cool down. 

He imagined he was beet red at this point.  Charlie was so glad they weren’t being filmed at that moment.  He could just _imagine_ that scene being in their package.  The traveling producer and cameraman had stepped out to lunch a few minutes ago, promising to bring them back something. 

That was the way their days had been – practice, practice, travel, shows, with a few minutes here and there for eating and sleeping.  But never enough.  Charlie realized, as much as he’d enjoyed being on the show, he was really looking forward to being done, once and for all, and taking a break.  Vacation had never sounded better. 

He felt like he needed that separation between the show and their actual life to figure out what was _actually_ going on between himself and Meryl.  He wondered if Meryl would tell Maks about last night.  He found himself praying that she wouldn’t; he hadn’t gotten a chance to tell her not to say anything. 

After all, Maks had six or eight inches on him, and probably fifty pounds?  There was no doubt who would win in a fight.  Charlie realized he had to trust that Meryl would know better than to say something to Maks. 

Sighing, he forced himself to refocus.

 

===

 

“I slept with Charlie,” Meryl said quietly, as she and Maks sat on the steps inside the other studio, during a water break. 

Maks was caught up in his thoughts, and didn’t register her statement until a half-second later.  “Wait,” he said, grabbing her wrist.  “What?”

Meryl shrugged.  “I slept with Charlie,” she repeated.  

She chewed on the corner of her lower lip.

Maks shook his head.  “Is this some kind of past confessional time, Meryl?  Because, honestly, I assumed as much, considering how long you’ve been together, that you probably did it at _some_ point.  It’s only natural, hormones and all."  He made a face.  "I mean, you should have _seen_ me as a teenager—“

“We slept together last night,” Meryl broke in quickly. 

“Wait – _what_?” Maks gaped, dropping her hand. 

Meryl looked sheepish, wringing her hands together. 

“I hadn’t planned it – I mean, not really.  I was just going to go talk to him—“

“What, and your clothes just fell off?  Did he kiss you?  What the _fuck_ , Meryl?  I fucking _knew it_ , I just _knew_ there was something going on.”  He jumped up to his feet, pacing back and forth, his hands pulling at his hair, “I just -- I can’t believe that asshole –“

“I kissed him,” Meryl interrupted.  “It was my fault.  I started it.”

Maks stopped suddenly, turning to look at her.  “You… kissed _him_?”

Meryl nodded, slowly, forcing herself to look at Maks, as much as it hurt.  The look he returned to her broke her heart in half.  

“Fuck,” he muttered under his breath, pacing over to the other side of the room and sitting on the bottom step. 

“Maks,” Meryl called out.

“No, no – I don’t – I can’t talk to you right now.  I’m so… I mean, I’m… I’m upset, and angry, and I don’t – I don’t want to do something stupid, so you need to go.  You need to go practice with Sharna and–”  Maks stopped, unable to say Charlie’s name.  “ _Fuck_ , Meryl,” he said again. 

“I’m… sorry,” Meryl murmured timidly.  She looked at Maks for a long moment before finally slipping out of the room quickly. 

 

**Hyatt Place, Seattle, WA – 5-18-14**

As soon as Meryl had arrived in the studio that afternoon, Charlie asked if she was OK.  She had almost looked spooked when she came in, which made Charlie worry.  She had promised they would talk later. 

So, he sat up in his hotel bed now, impatient after finishing their last Stars on Ice show.  Most of the skaters had gone out to celebrate, but Charlie and Meryl begged off, knowing they still had a long week ahead of them with the finale and post-show press.  He had flipped on the television, but the only thing tolerable was a _Workaholics_ episode, and it was one he’d already seen. 

He closed his eyes, trying to run through the choreo for the next day’s dances in his head.  The Freestyle he was very confident about.  It involved a lot of acrobatics, and Sharna had brought in several other members of the troupe to interact with them, so there was no doubt it was going to be fun.  It was the rumba he was nervous about.  At least the song was all right, he thought.  His mind flicked back to the night before when he’d been practicing his rumba…

_Fuck_ , he thought to himself, willing his body to calm down. 

Just the thought of Meryl was making him slightly hard.  He felt like he was sixteen all over again, and shifted one of the pillows so it sat on his lap.  Maybe she wouldn’t notice, he thought, half-amused. 

_Yeah, right_.  Meryl always noticed; she probably just had the decency not to say anything. 

He had left the latch stuck in the door so she could come in without knocking.  Meryl told him she needed to take a shower and get changed before she’d come over.  _To talk_ , she had emphasized. 

He got the picture.  No funny business. 

Just as well, because if he thought about her _too_ much, he’d end up in another embarrassing situation on national television tomorrow.  He was too old to be dealing with this kind of shit, he thought to himself. 

Just then, his phone dinged.

**Tanith:** _How’d the show go tonight?_

_Perfect timing,_ Charlie thought sarcastically. 

Still, he’d be a dick not to respond. If he didn’t, she’d end up calling when Meryl was there, and that would only make things even more awkward. 

He typed back:  _Not bad. Jeremy wiped out pretty bad, and Gracie messed up a double axel, but other than that, no harm, no foul._

Skating talk was always their go-to conversation when they wanted to play it safe.  Charlie wondered if Tanith was missing him.  _Probably_ , he thought.  Even despite all their recent trouble, he missed having Tanith around as well.  She had always been there for him, so it was weird thinking about her not living with him anymore.   She was officially moving out to L.A., she told him, with or without him.  Her new job was too important to pass up on.  Charlie still wasn’t sure how he felt about it.  A large part of him was sad, but another part of him was strangely relieved that she’d stood her own ground.

**Tanith:** _Do you want to meet for lunch tomorrow, before the show?_

Charlie frowned.  On one hand, he did want to see her.  He loved her, and knew once the show and press was over, he’d go back to Michigan, Tanith would stay in L.A., and then—?  Still, he didn’t know what he should say to Tanith, especially after what had happened last night.  He felt like everything he had built up with Tanith had suddenly dissolved in a matter of days.  He didn’t want to let go of it all that easily.  But maybe this had been the course of things all along—?  _What would he say to her?_ he wondered.  Tanith _had_ to know part of their dissolution was because of Meryl. 

But it wasn’t like they’d officially broken up, either.  He realized he was already thinking in those terms.  

Charlie sighed loudly, pressing his palm against his chest, which had suddenly developed a stabbing pain.  He had started to notice that feeling more and more lately. 

_I don’t think I’ll have time_ , he typed back.  _We’ll have to plan on a late night dinner or something._

They could talk then.  Charlie would _have_ to tell her the truth, about them, about Meryl; everything.  It was only fair. 

**Tanith** :  _OK.  Miss you._

He swallowed, rubbing his breastbone.  The pain was getting worse. 

He typed back:   _Miss you, too.  See you at the studio tomorrow._

**Tanith:** <3

Charlie put the phone down, drowning in his guilt.  What was he doing, sleeping with his skating partner when he still technically had a girlfriend? 

And now Meryl was on her way over. Charlie wasn’t sure what Meryl expected out of him. Would she try to seduce him again?  He knew if she did, he wouldn’t— _couldn’t_ —turn her away.  A strange **,** light feeling rose up in his chest, tamping down the shooting pain, right as the door slid open.

His stomach lurched.  Meryl poked her head in. 

“Knock, knock,” she called out.

“Come in,” Charlie responded. 

He couldn’t help but smile when he saw her, wearing a matching pajama set with cartoon puppies on top and on the bottom.  He noticed her outfit was a lot more chaste than yesterday, and he was grateful for that. 

“Hi,” she greeted softly, sitting down on the bed next to him, propping up two pillows behind her back. 

Charlie snickered, watching her trying to maneuver among the oversized pillows.  They practically swallowed her whole. 

“Here,” he said, chuckling, and adjusted them so they were supporting her properly. 

“Thanks,” she replied, smiling at him.  He smiled back, and for a second, everything felt _fine_. Until Meryl opened her mouth again, drawing out her words slowly.  “I, um… told Maks.”

Charlie’s brow furrowed.  “Told Maks… _what_?”

“That we slept together,” she said, immediately cringing.

“Oh, my God, Meryl.  Fuck!”  Charlie immediately hopped off the bed.  He suspected she might allude at their feelings, or _something_ to that nature when talking to Maks, but to outright _admit_ she and Charlie had slept together?  What was she _thinking_?  “Damn it, Mer. Maks is like, three times my size. He’s going to send, like, the Russian mafia to take me out!”

“OK, OK,” Meryl said, rolling her eyes with an exasperated sigh.  “First of all, you’re being ridiculous.  The Russian mafia?  Really?”

Charlie huffed in response, standing in front of the bed with his arms crossed. 

“And _second of all_ , he's not going to hurt you—not if _I_ have anything to say about it,” she frowned, her lip twisting up in a way that Charlie couldn’t stop staring at.  “I just didn’t think it was fair to keep it from him.”

Charlie nodded slowly, still standing in front of the bed.  After a long pause, he asked, “So what _did_ he say?”

Meryl shrugged again. 

“You know, he was, um… upset.  He told me to leave.”

“Hm,” Charlie said knowingly. “I’m telling you, Mer, he’s gonna get all the pros to jump me after the show tomorrow. You don’t cross the Chmerkovskiys… _fuck_ ,” he muttered to himself, starting to pace back and forth.

“Oh, please,” Meryl countered, rolling her eyes again.  “He’s all bark and no bite.”

“Until you sleep with his girl,” Charlie groaned. “Seriously, Meryl, Maks is in _love_ with you. He’s not gonna just let this go.”

Meryl nodded, not saying anything.  Her frown grew wider. 

“I didn’t want to hurt his feelings, but… yeah. He told me.”

Charlie sat back down on the bed, facing Meryl. 

“He told you what?” Charlie asked.

“That he was falling in love with me,” Meryl whispered.  “I… I didn’t want to believe it. You remember.  I told you about that—it was before—I almost broke up with him.”

Charlie shut his eyes, nodding. He leaned his head backwards, stretching his neck out.

“Fuck, Meryl,”Charlie winced, “what are we going to do?”

Meryl shook her head slightly, pressing her lips together.  His eyes were drawn to them, remembering how they’d felt against his last night, his back pressed up against the wall. 

_Shit—this is only getting worse_ , he thought distractedly.

“What do you think we should do?” she asked, her voice barely above a whisper as she kneaded her fingers together.  She started cracking her knuckles, a nervous habit he hadn’t seen in years.

He leaned back against the headboard, his back pressing against the curved wood.  He concentrated on the feel of the solid wood against his shoulder blades.  His tongue ran over his lips once, twice.  Again.  He closed his eyes, hoping maybe Meryl would say something – do something.

She was waiting for him.

He was the one with something invested.  He had the long term relationship.  

Charlie _knew_ what the answer was, but it didn’t make it easier to say out loud.  He still hadn’t talked to Tanith yet.  He had slept with Meryl while he was still technically with Tanith. 

He was an asshole.

Charlie took a deep breath in, then out.  He forced himself to look at her.  Meryl looked scared, he thought.  She probably figured he was going to back out of this.  Go back to Tanith.  Of course, he thought.  Meryl was just as scared as he was, probably more so.  Charlie bit his lip, overwhelmed with emotion suddenly.

_He was so in love with her._

He took her hand, rubbing her fingers gently, licking his lips again. 

“I think… we probably need to wait for the show to be over, before we figure out, what, um, _this_ all is.”

Charlie saw Meryl swallow.  She looked like she was trying not to cry.

“OK,” she breathed out.

“Mer,” he choked out, the pain in his chest coming back full force.  He leaned forward, his palm coming up to rest on her cheek tenderly.  “I … I love you, OK?”

Meryl licked her lip, nodding, but said nothing.

“And… we’ll be OK.  I told you we would, and I _meant_ it.”

She nodded again, just slightly. 

Charlie leaned forward, then, tilting his head just slightly, and Meryl closed her eyes, just as he pressed his lips gently to hers.  He resisted the urge to deepen the kiss, as much as he wanted to.  He leaned back, and saw her staring back at him with watery eyes. 

He pressed his forehead to hers, smiling widely. 

“I love you, Meryl, _so_ much. You don’t even know.”

“Okay,” Meryl choked out, a tear escaping her eye. 

Charlie swallowed, feeling the lump starting to form in his throat, and he reached up to wipe her face.  “Don’t **,** ” he begged, and coughed out a weak laugh. “You’ll make me want to cry, too.”

Meryl nodded again, and pulled him into a tight hug.  They held each other for a long moment. Charlie pressed his face into her shoulder, his arms wrapped around her waist. She felt so perfect in his arms.  Why had he doubted this for so long?  He knew he needed to figure out how to make this right. 

He _would_ figure out how to make this right, he thought.

“I love you, too,” Meryl mumbled into his shoulder, and he chuckled, his emotions getting the better of him, as always. 

They stayed like that for another minute, before Meryl finally broke them apart, and said she needed to get back to her room, to get sleep. They had a long day tomorrow, starting with an early wake-up to head back down to L.A. 

But she lingered in his arms, hesitant and torn, until he pressed a slow, gentle kiss to her cheek.

“It’s okay,” Charlie sighed, his eyes refusing to leave her face. “Go on.”

She held onto his hand as she rose from the bed, and fixed him with a long look.

“I… good night, Charlie.”

He mustered up a half-smile, and continued to watch her as she turned away.

Charlie let go, her hand slipping out of his as she stepped out of the room.

===

 

 


End file.
